When is too much ...just too much?

Good Morning Yummy Mummy's!

I provide that only source of support in my family and have done for a very long time alot its expected of me and if anything goes wrong it's always my job to sort it out...

Sooo tired this morning as really didn't sleep last night so prob making me more sensitive and feeling less able..

but to be honest i'm 27 weeks + 2 and just want to be looked after, my OH is very supportive to me but has had a 'chat' with me recently about the sheer amount that is expected of me... of course I defended my family to the hills... but I do think he is right... he wasn't rude but just said enough is enough...

I just don't know how to say NO... it's been this way for so long & I just do it ALL because it's always MY job to... and always has been... I do so much of it without even being THAT aware that it's above and beyond the 'norm'...

I just want to save some energy for this little mite growing inside me... he is my priorty, but if I don't pick up the pieces when things go wrong there is nobody else too, I just don't get ANY peace.. and I feel soo guilty!!

dammed if I do and dammed if I dont! :\?

Sorry to have such a moan on here first thing... just not sure what to do about it all I know I am getting less and less able physically and emotionally to continue being SUPER WOMAN - and I feel really selfish just thinking.. & what about me? who is going to look after me? :cry:

How can a learn to say NO?

Ive worked REALLY hard and been stressed out last few days so much so Ive felt quite angry :x about it all - and the poor little sole has been quite as a lamb inside me and normally he is full of beans...

I don't really have a choice..

...well I do but neather seem to be ideal outcomes... I do love my family lots ...

I suppose when it's 'just been me' i've not really given it much thought and ive just got on with it all... but it's not me I've got to think about now... and if I don't stay well how can I look after anybody else?

I just wondered if anyone else had been in this situation and how they make possitive changes for the little life they were bringing into the world? without it having horried effects on the other people they love who needs and are dependant upon them?

feel a little vunrable after posting this because it means ive 1. had to admit it and 2. put me and my family out there to be judged... So please be kind!

xxx

Posts

  • You have my sympathy- sometimes though unless we say NO people will let us carry on and won't think to take on some of the duties themselves.
    Perhaps you need to think about how you deal with their requests so instead of automatically saying you'll sort something you ask how they are going to sort it. Also I've learnt not to get drawn into long whinging sessions by making myself unavailable occasionally- either turn phone off, tell them teas ready or fake a headache !
    They'll soon get the message without being offended (well hope so!) Good Luck x
  • thinking maybe I am the key... your right... having to learn how to be unavaiable... thanks for replying camlo was a little nervous! x
  • aww hun you need to slow down! I'm not in exactly the same situation but I suppose I'm in kind of a similar one. My mum has two young boys of 11 and 8 and ever since the 8 year old started nursery alot of their care has been down to me, my mum is quite selfish and constantly puts her work (shes a self employed caterer) before her boys and I'm left to look after them. While I was pregnant with my first it was fine because I lived at home so picking them up from school etc wasnt too hard and even after Abby was born I looked after them alot but now I'm married and live with my husband in our own home and I'm pregnant with my second I've had to start putting my foot down and stop going out of my way for her. This has been a great source of annoyance to my mum because she relied on me so much but now I wont just drop everything for her anymore she has had to look after her boys herself! She says I've turned selfish all of a sudden but its not that, its just I need to put my husband, daughter and this little bean first. You just need to put your foot down and stop feeling guilty, I did at first but I've realised my mum should be the one looking after her kids not me. Can you talk to your family and tell them that all the stress isnt doing you or the baby any good? I'm sure they'd be really upset if they knew how much pressure your under.
    xxx
  • hey babe,

    its really tough one this, i think family's easily get into routines and have expectations about what everyone's roles are, and the only person you can change is you...

    maybe think about all the things they expect/ask/demand and then think of what you can realistically and willingly do, and work out how you are not going to do the rest.

    having been there myself, i was the fmaily fixer/peacemaker/emergency back up/sounding post it took a while for me to learn to stick to my guns and my family to learn that i was not just there for everyone else (and i felt way way guilty too!!).

    But it can be done, and after a while i was able to talk to my mum about why i was being different, and not that i don't love them but that i also need space for myself and my life!

    anyway think i've rambled and not sure if that is of any help to you! but good luck babe and it sounds like you oh can be really helpful with this.
    xxxxxxx
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