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Help with dealing with pregnant colleague

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  • Thanks ladies
    Heidi- isn't it annoying when people presume you have had an easy pregnancy, just because you haven't moaned.
    Well to top it all off, she left at 4.30 last night to go DR's but never returned to work and now she is off all day today as she was sick all night. how she is going to cope having a newborn I will never know. I'm actually quite peed off now as I bust a gut to get in on time every day and she is milking it for every penny. I'm going to express my disappointment to HR, not that it will matter. Although she hasn't supplied any appoitnment cards were I supplied all of mine just in case someone commented so will make sure HR are getting them from her.
    GGGRRRR I don't know why i'm letting it bother me but it's so annoying!
    xxx
  • Crunchynut
    I do understand what your saying and i'm not in no way saying she should jeopardise her bean to come into work but I guess i'm just not the kind of person who doesn't care about my job. They pay me to work so I do everything I can to make sure I do it. When my pregnancy affected my ability to do my job I started using holiday etc to get time off rather than phoning in sick. Yes I have had sick days, about 4 in 8 months. I don't see why my company should suffer and why my colleagues should have to pick up the pieces and do my work because of my wanting of a baby. Im sorry but I could not do what she has done today and drop 3 of her colleagues in it and they be left to do all of her work that needs doing. I understand she is poorly which is fine but why not try to recouperate and come in at lunchtime to help them. There are only 3 people here who do the job and she knows if she doesn't do it then they will get lumbered. I just can't think like that.
    Unfortunately I can't keep out of it as she reports into me but as i'm worried about my personal feelings getting involved I am letting HR deal with it with my help as I don't feel I can be impartial.
    I guess it's different people's opinions on their jobs.
    xxx
  • Hon
    I wouldn't say I have had a straight forward pregnancy. I have spent my fair time in Fetal Assessment, I have spent many a nights being sick, I couldn't clean my teeth properly for the first 14 weeks without puking about 10 times. I actually said to DH that the thought of getting pregnant again in the near future fills me with dread as I wouldn't want to feel like shit for another 10 months! Just because I haven't moaned to everybody at work or took time off doesn't mean I feel any less as bad as she does and I think it's unfair to judge me that because I haven't had much time off I can't possibly feel as bad as the next person. As I have said earlier in my posts yesterday, I am not here to offend anyone and I am not judging on just my personal circumstances. Her only complaint at the moment is feeling sick but then spends the whole day eating chocolate biscuits only to be sick again? Well if they don't help, don't eat them.
    Yes people have strong righst in pregnancy and I completely agree as the safety of the baby must come first but it's when people take advantage of the fact that they have strong rights at work that it begins to annoy lots of other pregnant people in the same situation.
    I never meant to offend anyone, yourself included. I have never once said your baby or anyone else's baby is less important than their job. Certainly not mine, I do like my job but it would be tough crap if I needed time off. I have given her all the advice I can but I can't see how it's fair that she can go for lunch on a saturday, go shopping all day and go for meals in the evening but then it comes to a Monday and all of a sunday her sickness starts again. Perhaps it's me but my sickness never lasted monday to friday as hers does which she has openly admitted to. She's ok to laugh and joke on FB about gettign ready to go out on a Saturday night but can't manage to come into work?
    HR do have every right to ask for appointment cards for every appointmetn which is what I have asked of her. Nothing out of the ordinary and something which is company policy. I only have a week left so It's then out of my hands. From a managers point of view I will treat her as I do all members that report to me but it doesn't stop me feeling disappointed on a personal level.
    Honey, I really didn't want to offend anyone including this girl at work. I just wanted a bit of advice and to see if others felt as I did about people using the system for an extra duvet day which I haven't implied you are doing. Everybody must do what is best for them and bean.
    xx
  • Hon, I really feel for you and I think she is actually giving people like you a bad name. Because some people abuse the system its harder for the rest of us that genuinly need some recouperation time. I can sympathise withe the early to bed! Even at 30 weeks pregnant I spend at least 2 evenings in bed! It's the only way I can function properly at work or personally.
    I know people have suffered more than me and I know some people have dreadful pregnancies and I honestly don't begrudge you time. I agree that it shouldnt' matter about your colleagues when your that poorly.
    Well after speaking with HR as they actually called me as they noticed her out of office they have said we do have to collect appointment cards for all appts but if she is sick loads and there is a pattern i.e ever Friday/Monday then you can still be disciplined or at least reprimanded and they will insist she sees a company doctor as if she is genuinly that ill that she can't do a weeks worth of work then she will be made to drop her ours or potentially forced to take maternity leave early. Personally I think companies are brave taking on pregnant ladies with disciplinaries but only last yera they made someone redundnat who was on maternity leave as their job was no longer needed and even though it went to tribunal the company one as they could justify there was no need for her to be here. Brave or stupid of the company i'm not sure which but I guess in my position I see that pregnant people aren't invincible and are still subject to laws/regulations but we are given extra leeway quite rightly. I was only saying to DH that nobody has any idea how being pregnant feels unless they have been pregnant recently . Even my mum tries to offer advice but I don't think she can genuinly remember how horrid she felt over 24 years ago when she was pregnant with me! If we all remembered we would only have one child!
    xxx
  • Em if I didn't know better i'd think you were talking about my sister :lol:.......your'e not though don't worry!!
    I feel your frustration i really do and as an ex manager I have had to deal with women like this soooo many times. Luckily as im pg at the same time as my sis this time she kind of has to wind her neck in, but anything I have she has 1000 times worse :lol:

    Try to think you only have to put up with her for a short time now and just think how blimming good she is making you look!!
    Emxx
  • Oh Em your poor thing. It must be so hard being a family member although if ti was my sister I woudl be inclined to tell her to stop!
    HR did say that they dont' know how I have done it for so long seeing as the last 3 pregnant ladies haven't managed a full week and HR knew I was puking in the loos most days! IT is nice but doubt i'll get a payrise for it!
    xxx
  • Maybe not but you can bet your last pound that if there was one up for grabs it would be coming your way and not hers.....hopefully they will find another way of rewarding you to make a point to her! Hope so anyway!
    As for delightful sis.....I opt for the avoid at all costs method and just pray we don't go into labour at the same time (only a few weeks apart :\( )
    xx
  • Ummm...I'm calling persecution on this one. Sorry. I know the experience is annoying to you. But did it ever occur to the rest of you iron ladies that some women have trouble dealing with illness, let alone pregnancy? Geez! My wife has had one of the most difficult pregnancies on record. You name the non-life threatening condition, she's had it. We've had false labor, a preeclampsia scare, a period where she couldn't...you know...go for 15 days, a gestational diabetes scare, over active stomach acid pumps. Oh and the latest--the all-over itching due to hormonal changes. Nausea is a fact of life now. Vaginal pain due to him doing a headstand on her cervix. Any of you had ALL of these? If you have or have had worse, then you're either being a bunch of cruel shrews or you just have a better natural tolerance. My wife couldn't continue grad school because of this. She's having to wait now. She's in constant pain. And you're coming down on a pregnant coworker because you think she's "laying it on thick"??? I'm glad I don't work with any of you. Really glad. You're a little old to be bullying anybody. This lady's having difficulty with her pregnancy and all you can think about is yourself. You're all horrible people. You should feel condemned for your attitudes.
  • old post this is but,

    here here totally agree. women are meant to stick together. reckon the hormones sent you all bit doo lally. nothin worse than a witch hunt. leave the poor woman alone.
  • Here here to that message, arnt there some horrible people out there! I wouldnt like to work with her either, she shouldnt be a manager, i thought they were meant to have a duty of care to their collegues? i just hope that she never does have another pregnancy as she will prob have the worst and feel for this lady shes slattering!

    Am 9 weeks pregnant with my second. my 1st pregnancy was great! yeah the odd day of sickness and tiredness here and there but other wise i got on with it and felt as if i could cope and never had a day off sick through the whole of my pregnancy, i cant remember ever feeling as bad as i do now, boy was i wrong thinking id have another fantastic pregnancy, they say every pregnancy is different, well there sure right, ive been suffering for the past 4 weeks with servere headaches/migraines/ blurred vision and every time i went into work, i couldnt see out of my eyes because the fluorescent light were aggravating me, i got sent home a few times throwing up in the toilet, cant keep any food down and cant even think about food or drink without feeling sick, this has caused me to feel very weak and i felt as if i just couldnt cope with work and everyday life with my 4 year old aswell, i spent a whole day in bed with a migraine and thought i cant go on like this so i took myself to my doctor and told him how bad i was feeling, he signed me off work for 2 weeks to try and recover and gave me codeine to try and ease the headaches, and also told me ive got a nasty ear and throat infection that ive been given antibiotics for. (i myself, have only been off about 3 or 4 times in the last 3 years of working for my company and they were due to having no child care when my little boy was sick) i felt so quilty being off work, leaving my work load to someone else and being allowed to rest whenever i could, i rang my mother, who reminded me that, myself and the baby are the most important thing and i don't owe work anythink, everytime ive struggled into work in the past, no ones ever thought, any better of me, ive never been given a pay rise or rewarded for my excellent attendance and hard work, while every other buggers been off with a stuffy nose, i havnt moaned, infact, ive always supported collegues who didnt feel well and told them to go home and rest and ive always took everyone elses work load on, so i thought shes right, its tuff, but its my turn now! so am now sat at home every day resting whenever i can, when my partners home, he does everythin, am so lucky to have him,coz ive never felt so bad, and finding it very hard as i feel like a slob, sitting around or being in bed, as i usually never stop and love to be on the go, but right now am doing what my bodys telling me and that is to rest. So i really couldnt care less about what people in work say or people that are jealous because they felt so bad in their pregnancys and didnt act upon it! more fool them! Am just so lucky to have family and friends and nice people that care about my health around me and support me while am going through this bad patch and am sooooo lucking forward to feeling myself and returning to work and everyday life and enjoying my pregnancy! so heres to every pregnant lady out there! every pregnancy is didnt, so go with what your body tells you and ignore the nasty people, they will get whats coming to them! what comes around, goes around!

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