The biggest undiscussed feeling????


If you told me a week ago I was gonna write this post I wouldnt have believed you. And I know im gonna get judged for it but I dont believe im the only one out there that has ever felt like this and I think its a subject that maybe needs discussing.

Have had my 20 week scan and very relieved that all is well esp as havent felt baby move (placenta is at front so at least i know there is a reason) neway i digress. I have been blessed with twin boys but have just found out that my second and final pregancy is a boy, and i cant believe how disappointed i am that it is not a girl. I feel absolutley retched for feeling like this esp as my best mate is desperatly trying for a baby. I know I am so lucky to have two healthy children and that this pregnancy is going to plan, and i know i will love this baby when he arrives but i still cant shake this deep disappointment. I always though i'd have boys and i love boy things , football, rugby etc but I so wanted a mother daughter relationship. Ive told you all as dont want to admit these feelings but feel that talking and being honest prevents future issues. My hormones have been all over the place with this pregnancy so i guess that is not helping, i just want to cry and yet i know so many of you have got real things to cry about. i just wish that someone had said before that i might feel like this, its never been a subject ive read about, but maybe its only me that has been this selfish.

sorry its a long post and i wil pull myself together now!



  • Hey DB I think that its completly normal to feel the way you do so try not to worry. As you say this is your last baby and unless you change your mind and have another one you know that you won't have the girl you wanted. Although we don't know what we are having I am scared of getting my hopes up one way or the other in case I am wrong and feel the way you do. Good on you for admitting that you are disappointed but pleased and I am sure there will be alot of others on here that feel the same, but maybe haven't been brave enough to speak up for fear of being judged.
    Tammi xxx

  • The hormones make you feel worse I think, and with it being your last baby I don't blame you for feeling a bit upset that you won't have a daughter. It's brave to admit to these feelings cos people do judge you on them and it's not fair. Feeling a bit disappointed doesn't mean that you don't/won't love your baby does it?

    I have a gorgeous little girl who's 1 in April and I'm 35+3 with this baby and really hoping it's another girl! We couldn't find out the sex at 20 week scan image I keep saying that I don't really like boys and that I hope it's a girl but in the end I know I'll love my baby whichever flavour I get.


  • I don't think anyone will judge you on here. It is a totally normal feeling & I think lots of women feel that way. My mum has 2 daughters (she never wanted a boy) and she said she was terrified of having a boy and when each of us were born she cried cos she was so glad we weren't boys.

    I thought I would be the same and desperately wanted a girl too, so when they said it was a boy at the 20 week scan I was surprised that I felt happy anyway! But I completely understand people who don't feel happy when told they are expecting the other sex to what they wanted!

    I am sure your feelings will fade after the birth, and you never know in years to come you might want another baby so never say never. In the meantime, don't beat yourself up. A lot of people would say 'Oh well ur lucky to get pg some people can't even conceive' which is true but it is still a very common feeling and u shouldnt be judged. xxxx

  • Hi hun I know where you coming from. I am also on my 3rd and probably final pregnancy. Both myself and oh were really hoping for a boy as we already have two girls. We had our 21wk scan only to find out it was another girl. I too felt very selfish for not just being pleased everything went well at the scan and our baby looked healthy. I think deep down my oh always wanted a son even tho he does'nt admit it so I really wanted to have a boy for him and I did feel like I'd let him down in a way. I have now got over the fact that we will prob only ever have daughters and now I'm very pleased to be having another pink one. I've said to my oh if he wants us to go for no4 in the future then it's up to him coz I always wanted to have 4 children ne way. I think even if this one had been a boy I would've wanted to have a 4th at somepoint! It's him that said 3 is enuff!! So we shall see what the future holds. At the moment I'm just looking forward to having my 3 girls! There are so many advantages to them all being the same sex ne way hun. Like same toys, clothes, interests. I do understand your deep desire for a daughter but in time you might feel ready to try for another baby. However theres always the possibilty you will end up with 4 boys as is the possibility we could have 4 girls. But I would be very happy to have 4 girls if it did happen so for me I hope my oh does deside to try for one more in the future. I hope this helps hun and you are feeling more positive soon x x x x
  • Hiya babe!

    I have been through very similar feelings. I have a teenage son and a son aged 6 and am now expecting my 3rd and final child! I was 100% convinced I was having a girl, I really really wanted a daughter of my own but at the scan it was shown to be 100% son! My hubby is over the moon - he already has a daughter (unfortunately we are not close) but no son of his own (he has taken on my youngest as his own and is fantastic mates with my teen!)

    I do love little Tommy (in my tummy) but I do feel like I have missed out on a mother/daughter relationship and having lost my mum 3 yrs ago its something I really really wanted. Every now and then I have a little cry to myself over the daughter that will never be but I know what a blessing this baby is (i never thought I would have another).

    This is defo my final one - hubby having the snip coz he wont see me go through SPD again and it is also my 3rd c/section and you cant have more than that! Also at 38 this pregnancy has been worse than other 2 put together! Is there any chance you may have another child in a few years?

    So, yeah - there are people on here who understand everything hon!

    Love Lee
  • I really want a boy but have not told anyone except for oh how much it means to me. We don't know the sex and oh is not bothered so I have started talking about my bump in the female sense cos I have a horrible fear of being disappointed if they tell me it's a girl when I want a boy! So I guess its only natural to have a stronger desire, especially when you already have twins.
    I'm sure you will love your baby anyway and just need some time to adjust to the idea.
  • Heya sweetie, the first thing that I want to say is that no-one is here to judge you and noone will.

    It is natural to feel like this and well done for being strong enough to admit how you feel.

    It's completely normal to feel the way that you feel and at least you have the guts to admit it.

    good luck with the rest of your pregnancy xxxx
  • god im counting the days til my next scan so i can find out one way or the other. im desperate for it to be a boy. my oh keeps correcting me when i refer to it as he or him. think there will be tears either way cos im so emotional about it. im in love with the boy from the oreo cookie ad and have convinced myself i ahve a clone of him growing inside me.
  • I don't think anyone will judge you i absolutely wanted a daughter and I was very fortunate to get one. However we are going to be trying for our 2nd and last this summer and although the most important thing is a healthly child i would really like another girl, i don't know why but I really don't have any desire to have a boy.
    I think your feelings are completely natural.

  • Hi DB

    First of all I think you're really brave admitting how you feel & I don't believe anyone will judge you for it!

    We have just found out we are expecting our 2nd, and fingers (&toes &everything else) crossed that everything goes ok, I would desperately love a little girl. I already have a 2 year old son and would love a daughter. I would never admit to anybody how I feel and I know I will love my 2nd with all my heart either way, but I can't help how I feel. OH insists we are stopping at two aswell, so I know my 2nd will be my last. I'm sure there are many people out there who feel the same way too, so don't be too hard on yourself. x
  • I was the same when carrying son as i was sure it was a girl and when the sonographer reveiled it was a boy i actually cried right there on the coach! I think she thought they were tears of joy but no they were not. Being female i didn't know who to explain life things to a boy like wet dreams and morning glory so i paniced!Now i wouldn't change him for the world and have been blessed with such a cutie but this time i would love a girl as pregnancy been so alwful this time that it defo my last! Only 3 and a bit days till i find out but i'm keeping an open mind this time!

  • i dont think any1 is gona judge u on here

    im on my 3rd pregnancy and was desperatly hoping for a girl but 20 week scan showed another lil man. i was upset for a while but wen u get a little further along i think ur feelings might change. mine have.

    it dosnt help that u havnt felt the baby move. that will help u start to develop a bond with your lil man.

    hormones play a big part too!! Dont feel Guilty about ur feelings ur not being selfish - ur just disappointed.

    Let us know how u get on in the coming weeks.

  • A big thank you to everyone who hasnt just written me off as a complete bitch!

    I would love to have no. 4 in the future but do not feel that it would be fair on the other 3 (The twins share a large room and the baby is gonna have the smaller room which is too small if I had another boy and if I had a girl the big room isnt big enough for three kids!) So unless we win the lotto this is def it.

    thank you Zoey85 Im gonna try refering to him by his name, thing is in my heart i still dont believe it is a boy as everything about this pregnancy is so different but i guess you cant really get it wrong, if the sonographer saw a willy there must be one there, guess I just dont want to admit it.

    Once again thank you so much for sharing your stories and feelings it def makes me feel less alone. I do feel less tearful today and its only 3 days since i found out so I hope that in a week or so, especially if i start to feel him move i will feel better. Im sure that once he has arrived i wouldnt swap him for the world, just gotta keep telling myself that at the moment. I guess the truth is its not that i dont want this baby, im just sad for all the things i wont be able to share, and they are all silly and ultimatley unimportant things. Best make sure my boys are in touch with there feminie side so at least we can go shopping together!!

    Maybe Prima Baby should do an article about this as I really felt like I was the only one horrible enough to feel like this. Its good to know im not alone.

    With grateful thanks xxDBxx

  • hi db. i can remember you from whe i was preg with archie ;ast year. i have got 4 boys and 1 girl, my first 3 were boys, we didn't know what our 3rd would be and when he was born i can honestly say i was slightly disappointed that it was another boy, i felt wrong for feling this way as i ahd a lovely healthy baby boy - my 3 boys. it soon passed. then i fell pregnant with my 4th and didn't know what it was, and whe baby was born i had a girl, what a great moment that was. then my 5th born last june was another boy.
    you shouldn't feel wrong for feeling this way like i say i can remember feeling that way. i think it's always a mums thought to have a girl would be great, but if i had 5 boys i would have been happy still. good luck, and keep smiling.take care.xxxx
  • Hi, can totally understand how you feel dearie. With my first we didn't mind whether we had a boy or girl, then with my 2nd I secretly wanted a girl and hands up was really disappointed when we found out at the scan it was going to be another boy - but it gave me time to get used to the idea. I know we were really lucky to be able to have another one. 'Then this time I soooo wanted it to be a girl and can't believe that on the scan it actually is. I love the fact that my two boys can play together though and the little girl will probably be a tom boy anyway. We even considered gender selection (a whole new debate there) costs about ??12,000 but decided to try naturally instead after having a miscarriage - I felt that wanting to have a girl I was really really selfish but realise it's just that you want to balance out your family and is perfectly natural so don't beat yourself up. After our 3rd pg we were going to stop - I know that a lady round the corner from us was desperate for a boy and had 5 girls and another lady has 4 boys.... Your little one will be gorgeous and you'll fall in love I'm sure. sorry to waffle. chelle xxx
  • I'm only 14wks pg with my first baby.For health reasons it will probably be my only child, so fingers crossed everything goes well.
    But deep down I really want a girl and so does OH. I'm referring to bump as he all the time but mainly I think I'm doing it so that when the time comes I won't be too disappointed as it's almost as if I'm prepared for a boy and a girl will be a lovely surprise (we're not going to find out sex)
    I think it's completely natural to feel like this and it's so reassuring to hear that a lot of other women felt exactly the same. Suz x
  • Just a note to say thank you all once again for your honesty. We havent told anyone that we are having a boy, but someone said 'oh i bet you will be really disappointed if it is a boy' and i did suddenly feel really maternal and protective towards my unborn boy, so I guess im coming round to idea! Funny thing is id love four kids and if so would be really happy if next is a boy, its just this one should have been a girl. ce la vie.

    With grateful thanks at all your understanding, especially to those who are desperate just to get pregnant, I do realise how lucky i am. love xxDBxx

    Ps Zoey85 Glad your coming round to idea as well bet when we both have them in our arms we will forget how we felt pps.

    Oldermum69 feel for you too, my dh is overmoon babe is another boy. It doesnt really make it any easier. Good luck with pregnany

  • Hey hun.
    I'm really hoping for a girl this time. Oh has 2 boys from previous and we have one together so it would be really nice to give him the cherry on the icing on the cake.
    I never wanted to have a boy. Right from being a little girl. When I gave birth to my son the midwife even apologised as she handed me this tiny bundle.
    For a split second I could have cried with disappointment but when I looked at him..............well he was just perfect and all the maternal instinct kicked.
    I'm sure that by the time baby comes you will be ok with yourself and the disappointment will go in time.
    Don't feel bad about how you're feeling hun it's good to acknowledge those feelings now rather than hide them. Take a few days and try and get some time to your self (not the easiest of things to do when you've got twins to chase around I know)

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