Things you wish people had told you before your first birth!
Jul 6, 2010 6:11AM
How painful it was delivering the placenta!! I'd given birth (yes, painful!) and was holding JD, they were 'fiddling' and suddenly the placenta came... and my god it hurt like hell!! No warning, nothing. So be aware!!
My first wee I had in the bath and it hurt like hell; i was almost in tears. Went to the loo a bit later and was so scared.... didn't hurt at all. I never 'rinsed' with water as it just made it hurt more!! Was very surprised.
Walking after the birth wasn't too bad for me - but I sat down on a hard chair and leapt up in pain!! Be really careful how you sit down and what you sit on!!
Jul 6, 2010 6:50AM
I wish someone had told me to go for stitches. I had a small second degree tear and my midwife ummed and ahhed about whether it needed stitching or would line up again and heal by itself.
I chose for it to be left alone as after all that pain and my baby arriving I just wanted that to be it... Then it got infected, took ages to heal, and now has healed with a gap leaving me with a gaping and permanently sore perineum. I wish wish wish I'd had the stiches and it could well all be fine now!
Jul 6, 2010 7:48AM
maximum is right, make sure you dont leave it too late to pack labour bag.
My antenatal classes were over booked and my mw told me not to worry as babies dont usually come prem. I was due to have my 1st class 36+2. Well dd came at 36wks! Not that prem, but i literally had some detol wipes, bodysuits, maternity towels and that was it!
No2s after birth. I was warned by mw that it could be painfully so I said yes everytime i was offered lactulose. Decided I would prefer slightly loose stools rather than constipated. It worked, and would recommend taking it.
Crowning - again I didnt know what the stinging feeling was, until the mw told me at the time. YEs it is painful but a different type of pain to labour. As my only labour pain relief was paracetamol it was too late for anything else. I just got through it knowing my baby wold be here any sec.
To call ward once waters break. Waters broke about 1am and I called at 10am, it wasnt a problem at all. Just stupid mw at hospital asked if my waters had really broken, seemed not to believe me. She askedif i had a pad with me so she could confirm - er no, that was like 9hrs ago!
Blood loss - Glad someone suggested taking several packs of maternity pads into hospital. I was in for a bout 6days and the hospital ones were really thin. Would recommend the same, as someone has mentioned it varies from one lady to the next the amount of blood loss.
BF - wished someone had told me the truth about the sucking feeling. I was told that you can feel the baby sucking, so I was expecting just that. Like if you suck on your finger or something. I was convinced my dd wasnt latched on properly despite being told she was. There is a feeling there obviously but its not the strong sucking that I was told!
Like the others have said, you can plan your birth, but be prepared to go with the flow and do whatever you/body wants at the time. Even if its totally different to your birth plan. As we all know labour is unpredicatable!
Like your wedding we had a couple of hiccups that no-one would have known about, which didnt quite go as planned!
Jul 6, 2010 8:07AM
I am totally open-minded and know that you can't be totally in control of birth and labour and just have to go with the flow. I will have an idea but as its my first will need direction, and anything I'm told I'll be happy to go with!
I also posted this on the baby messageboard, someone also mentioned about after the birth feeling very ovrwhelmed and teary and sometimes not even bonding with baby straight away. X
Jul 6, 2010 8:20AM
yes its quite common actually not to get that 'instant rush of love', i dindt' get ti iwth ds, i knew i loved him and that i would do anything for him, but it wasn't like 'pow!' and it grew and grew over the first few weeks, i'd say it was 50/50 for getting rush of love and to having a slow build, and because i had expected to get that rush that everyone talks about i felt like i there must be somehting wrong with me and felt terribly guilty that that wasn't what ahppened, only from reading on here did i know that it was just as normal, don't know if it was down to the em c sec and being a little shocked at the days events or if thats just the way it would've been anyway. so yes if u don't get that instant rush then don't worry before ds came thats what i imagined would happen, so yes i wish i'd known that it doesn't always.
Jul 6, 2010 8:26AM
My 1 thing would be the bleeding to.... I was wearing 4 pads and it went through all 4 and onto the car seat
and i was losing colts the size of houses and the MW said it was ok and normal wowza lol
How nice hosptial cold toast is after 2 hours sleep and even how nice the manky tea is
I didn't have probs going wee but walked like i was holding a balloon between my legs lol
eeerrrrmmmm Y are we doing this stuff again
Jul 6, 2010 8:38AM
Just spoke to one of my clients on the phone and told her I was pregnant, and she randomly said to put an extra pair of knickers and leggings in your work bag, as her waters broke at work and it just gushed out, she said it was awful!
Jul 6, 2010 8:53AM
I wish I was told that they will not let me have gas and air for pushing stage!!!!!!
I went through the labour without pain relief only to save myself for gas and air later on,as I did not want to use it early on and get accustomed to it...So when it came to pushing and I asked for gas and air midwife would not give it to me,saying I needed contractions for pushing!!!!
I nearly died form fear at that point.
That aftercare in hospital is absolute rubbish!!!They drum into you for nine months how important breastfeeding is,and then u are left with a screaming baby who is jaundiced and unwiling to latch on and no one remotely interested to help...even the bloody breastfeeding consultant who came to hospital said well she knows where the breast is,she just does not want to take it...I have other mothers and babies to attend to,good bye...WTF??????
And lastly,that most health visitors should be made to sweep streets and not advise mummies and babies...Most of them are so incompetent it hurts!!!!!
Jul 6, 2010 8:57AM
Thats what I most fear, is the aftercare and being in an open ward with loads of screaming babies and really being totally overwhelmed and tired.. Friends I've spoken to who have given birth at my local hospital said they just got left and got so dehydrated, as they could't mvoe with stitches and no-one showed them how to BF or change a nappy. Sounds quite common. X
Jul 6, 2010 9:02AM
I wish I was told that sometimes it's possible to just not labour- I thought it was a given but after many sweeps, gels and being 15 days over due my lo didn't engage, I didn't dilate-nothing and had to swap my water birth for a c-section!
Having tried to keep an open mind about birth I did read up on cs but didn't realise that being opened and closed so to speak can lead to trapped air and cause the most unbelievable pain! Not like needing to fart (sorry lol) but like sharp knife pains. When I mentioned to a pal who had a cs she had same experience only wind was more in her chest and she thought she was having a heart attack!
Also would have been nice to know that babies can throw up the meconium rather than just poo it - imagine my shock at 3am in a dim ward when lo suddenly brought up all this dark stuff- I thought it was blood! Panic stations from me until nurse said 'oh that's normal...'
That all said, I'm sure there will still be surprises along the way weather having 1st or 5th lol
Jul 6, 2010 9:10AM
Oh my God, I'm scared! Haha! I'm 10+1 so have a while to worry yet though x
Jul 6, 2010 9:18AM
After a c-section when you stand up it feels like your insides are going to fall out as you have no muscle support at all.
How you still bleed after a c-section
How every midwifes assement changes. (One minute I was 1cm dilated then I wasnt dilated, then I was 1.5cm dilated - I really wished I had one midwife to all my internals instead of loads of differant ones.... but then I had 57 internals)
Jul 6, 2010 10:08AM
That first babies don't always mean long labours!! I thought I had hours and hours - my labour was 9 hours in total!!
Agree on the gas & air - I used it a little through the contractions but then it was taken away from me at the end!! Wasn't pleased!
And that you can reach the pushing stage and stop getting contractions!! I was told I was allowed only an hour of pushing before they got the doc in to help so its on a time limit as well; when after 35 minutes of pushing I lost my contractions I was determined not to have the doc in and forceps/c-section so just kept pushing and hoped for the best!!! Hard work but I did it
Jul 6, 2010 10:35AM
hum, what can i add- well firstly,
-Epidurals dont always work so being hooked up to a machine which gives u 8contractions in 10mins and feeling every sec of it was pure hell
-was glad epi hadnt worked at pushing stage as was in controll of what i was doing and didnt tear or anything
-using gas and air during pushing is a waste of time and slows u down
-1st poo was more painfull then pushing out baby, thought i was going to die, will be using lactose straight after the birth this time round to soften things for when it happens
-learnt 2 pee with legs wide open then the wee comes straight out and doesnt sting bits as much!
-holding toilet paper over vagina when u push for a poo because feels like insides will come out, even though didnt tear or have stitches.
-breastfeeding can be more painfull than labour also but worth fighting past the pain, which i will be doing this time i hope.
Jul 6, 2010 10:48AM
How much boobs hurt when the milk comes in!!! Oh dear god I thought they were going to explode or combust!!! They were humungous as I didn't breastfeed and could barely hold my new baby as they were on fire ! Truly horrendous!!
Have to agree with the wee thing although the pouring of warm water did help a bit!!!
How the minute your baby is born your life has changed forever! No matter how much you think you are ready to have a baby you are actually never ready!! It's the most life changing but wonderful thing ever!!
Not everyone gets baby blues! I think I must be heartless as I didn't cry at the birth or the days after! Saying that I didn't cry at my wedding either!!! Lol
how annoying some midwives can be! When I was in labour one kept taking my blood pressure and saying oooh it's a bit high you might want to get it checked after the birth!!! Well der I am in labour about to have a baby! Of course my blood pressure will go up!!!
I expected the absolute worst labour and had a pretty good one mainly as I had an epidural!!'
Jul 6, 2010 12:04PM
How difficult breastfeeding can be to learn! Most babies do not do the belly crawl and latch on by themselves. My LO refused to feed for the 1st 21 hours and I was kept in hospital for 3 days after he was born as he took forever to feed and became jaundiced. It does click all of a sudden and I'm still EBF 6 weeks later and it's going well. I did nearly quit because I felt such a failure. Nobody warns you that establishing BF'ing can be a steep uphill struggle, when you've cracked it, it is so worth it
Blue Gecko and Jensen 6+2 x
Jul 6, 2010 12:58PM
Great thread! I have to admit the going for a wee/poo after scares me more than the actual labour at the minute!!
Jul 6, 2010 1:23PM
Eeeeekkkk I'm 36 weeks and going to get my prescription for lactulose tomorrow!!!!! The thought of trying to 'go' afterwards scares me a hell of a lot more than labour!!! Thanks for the thread though girls...keep it coming!!! xxx
Jul 6, 2010 1:28PM
Fab thread, keep it coming ladies
Jul 6, 2010 2:00PM
this is a great thread for a 1st time mummy... but eeeeeek.
now i am worried i won't know what to do and will be a bad mummy in the 1st few hours!
oh hell... lets get the books out!!
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