Not pregnancy related but need some advice

I'll try and make this as short as poss,but bit of a long story.

Here goes, basically my brothers were renting a house off my mum, my youngest brother was paying all the bills ect while my eldest just sat on his bum all day. Well my youngest bro got his own house just before christmas and eldest stayed there! he's not paid my mum anything since then and she pays all the bills ect... She's been trying to get him to sort him self out for ages i.e get his own home,job ect, but he just wont so she has ended up selling her house for over ??50,000 less than its worth just to get him to move out because she cant afford to carry on paying the bills for him, plus the house is an absolute mess (i mean disgusting) Well from Wednesday he's going to be have to move out and i know he's going to ask me if ihe can move in here! We have got a spare room but he's an absolute lay about, he's not worked for about 4 years and just expects everyone to support him all the time. My oh has now said that he doesnt want him here, which i cant blame him, he looks like a tramp all the time, has a daughter who walks round with with scraps of clothes on her back (she lives with her mum by the way) he wont work and generally only cares about his self. The thing is hes still mt brother and how am i suppost to leave him on the streets? He is 30 years old by the way, so hes not a child. I just know things will come to blows if he moves in here, cause my oh wont sit back while he works full time, i work, we've got a toddler and im 27 weeks pregnant while he basically sponges off us!
I hope i dont sound awful but i just dont know what to do, i lie awake all night worrying what im going to say when he asks. He is my brother at the end of the day. anyway what do you all think?


  • Well like you say he's 30 years old and not a child ! I know its hard when it comes to family but you've obviously got your own family to take care and a new one on the way . I think your bro should respect this and the fact that your pregnant as well , this worry is not helping you. Maybe you could just explain the situation to him and offer to help himself get sorted IE finding somewhere to live maybe go to local council ? Other than that talk to other family members you could all take him for a few days til he gets sorted ? I had my sister here was only meant to be for a month turned out to be 6 and it was a nightmare and i wasn't pregnant then ! Its never good having someone in your space more so than when your trying to get sorted for a new baby. I hope that helps and good luck x
    EDD 4/July
  • I know i am going to have to try, if i thought it was only for a few weeks i wouldnt mind but he said that to my bro and was there for 3 years and didnt pay a penny. I've given him all the council numbers he need but he just says he cant get anything. Theres no reason he cant work. I just feel so awful on my niece, both her parents are lay abouts and thats exactly how she is going to grow up because she knows nothing else! He's just rang my mum saying he's going living in a tent(how pathetic!!) i wouldnt mind but hes so clever he could walk into any job he wanted!
  • Hi

    Firstly your in a horrid situation, but i believe in tough love. Your mum has shown tough love by selling the house and forcing him to face life, if you take him in he will be moving from one comfortable situation to another and i dont believe he will learn anything. The government do look after people in this country so there will be support if he asks for it.

    Just so you know that I was in a similar situation with my sister, had the room at my house but with kids etc felt I could not offer support to someone who was unwilling to help themself. Neway she now has a housing assosiation bedsit and is doing really well for herself. Good luck with it xxDBxx

  • ive a cousin like this. im afraid you wont be helping him if you take him. he's got to hit rock botom to be able to bounce back up. if he knows everyone will bail him out of every tricky situation he'l never be able to stand on his own two feet. tell him to get down the council to put his name down for a flat and until then he'l have to go into emergency accomodation.sounds awful but seriously it'l do him some good. xx
  • if you take him in all it does is enable him to carry on the same pattern i don't mean this to sound crewl but sometimes you just have to let someone hit rock bottom before they decide to pick them selves up! I mean why else would he have to pull his finger out if he cause just move on to your place? it will cause you loads of un needed stress and put a strain on your relationship.
    I know he is your brother but you do not need to explain your reasons for saying no - simply say NO! and try not to allow him to make you feel guilty!
    you take care honey - from someone that knows! xx
  • P.S dont do it for him! dont ring the council, don't look the information up ect because it will not do you any favours and will draw you in to feeling pressure to take him! xx
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