Pregnant after miscarriage - Part 4

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  • Driving lesson went terribly mummytolily, I have so much going on in my mind that I’m struggling to concentrate on anything while I’m driving and can’t do anything right at all I’m really messing up

    to be honest I just feel like my whole life is falling apart and that I’m not joking it together very well, the only place I’m usually ok is at work

    i can’t  really talk to my husband as he is really struggling and is not good at expressing things, he has low seratonin from an accident about 15 years ago and went through a bout of depression from it and I’m terrifed of it coming back and dealing with that 

    today should have been my 12 week scan and I feel like I’m never going to get there I see all these scan pics and think my babies never get that big never get to see them move around 

    the thought of ttc is killing me because I don’t want to try again I want my last baby back and the one before I should be a mummy with another on the way by now but instead I’m left with empty aching arms 

    sorry the post is so long and a bit depressing but I don’t know where else to express it, I think I need to speak to a councillor because I’m not coping and need to speak to someone face to face 

  • mrsrees, everything you say is completely natural. The pain is awful and it’s hard to concentrate on anything else. I was the same, I could cope at work but felt like I was falling apart any other time. 

    You will get your rainbow baby. You have to believe that. 

    A councilor sounds like a good idea, I’m thinking the same. 

    sending you big hugs.xxxxx

  • I’m so sorry you are feeling so down MrsRees my heart really does break for you! I’m sorry I don’t have anything to offer to make you feel better.

    Its good that you’re thinking of talking to someone, perhaps your GP may be able to help or Tommy’s charity is brilliant!

    If you don’t feel like speaking to anyone yet though this group is always here without any judgement to say what you need to.

    xx

  • MrsRees don't apologize for your post. The pain you're going through is totally normal and if there's anywhere you can talk about it it's on here with people who understand it.

    I know there can be a bit of stigma around it but have you been to speak to your GP about how you're feeling? Most hospitals have councillors trained specificallt for these situations. My husband was awful for talking to after our loss and sometimes all we want to do is remember our lost babies.

    Days like today are bound to be a lot harder as you see the milestones but I'm certain you'll get your rainbow baby soon ❤️, and you'll always have your other little ones in your heart. I plan to get a tattoo once this little one is here for both my babies - because they are both exactly the same in my eyes, even if one hasn't survived.

  • Aw MrsRees don’t apologise for writing all that, its defo A form of therapy writing it down but if you think talking to someone face To face do it, you’ll never know if it helps! I do think communication between you and yojr husband is key though so I’d encourage a good convosation however difficult if  May seem to face it - also i realise my spelling is terrible but I blame my iPhone lol x

  • I’m Definitely an advocate for councilling. speak to your GP and see if they have a Talking Therapies unit near you. It’s self referral and my councillor has gotten me through the last 6 months. There were points where I couldnt even leave the house and the thought of feeling any differently felt impossible. It does get better and there is no stigma in asking for help x

  • Mrs Rees,

    conciling sounds like a very good idea...I’m planing on doing the same thing. You certainly don’t need to be apologising. To be perfectly honest your post has made me feel not so alone in the way I’m feeling. 

    Big hugs sweetheart ❤️

  • Mrs Rees,

    conciling sounds like a very good idea...I’m planing on doing the same thing. You certainly don’t need to be apologising. To be perfectly honest your post has made me feel not so alone in the way I’m feeling. 

    Big hugs sweetheart ❤️ 

  • Thanks everyone, I feel bad sometimes because this is a pregnant page and I’m clearly not pregnant anymore but I can’t face the trying to conceive page anymore due to not wanting to ttc at the minute but also feel like I have to and because the girls there are all fairly new to the group and have started their own friendships and relationships whilst I was pregnant and all the girls I started off with have all had their babies or are about too and I’m kind of lost in that horrible face between :( 

    I’m definetly going to do the counciling I feel like I really need it, just hope gp doesn’t try to give me anti depressants, I refuse to go on them, not that I’m against it but I feel like they give them out willy-nilly instead of actually getting to the root of the problem 

    i guess I’ve just got to get through each day, I feel like I need something positive to focus on and be excited About but I don’t really have anything :( 

  • Mrsrees, counselling can help so much, especially if you dont feel you can speak to your hubby yet, actually it may help him too to seek some help. Losing a baby is a very intense emotional rollercoaster for all involved, never feel you have to apologise for voicing your emotions and feelings, releasing it can be the start of your healing. 

  • Urgh lost post 😡

    Mrs Rees my heart breaks for you!! Mind will be able to offer counselling - around 8 sessions. 

    Try and spend time with Hubbie, you don’t have to just talk about the loss, but maybe do stuff together so you know you are there for each other - maybe plan a little trip for September to get away for a few days.  Don’t put pressure on yourself, have a break from the driving lessons, don’t waste your money, it will just make you feel worse if it goes badly.  Remember it is ok to cry, sob, scream, be angry and feel the world is against you, it is part of the grieving process - lots of love xxxxxxx

  • Mrs Rees I agree with Mrs fish it sounds as though you could really use a break from driving lessons they sound as though they’re also getting you down, I think the best thing is to really focus on yourself, take all the time you need to grieve, have a good old cry I remember after my miscarriage every night I would just stare Into the sky at the stars and just cry and I felt like that was my little bit of time with my angel baby,  just know you’re never alone we are always here for you and are all rooting for your rainbow baby in the future 🌈 

    i came across this poem not long after my miscarriage I hope it’ll help you to seek help Mrs Rees

    My mum she tells a lot of lies, she never did before, but from now until the day she dies, she’ll tell a whole lot more.

    Ask my mum how she is and because she can’t explain, she will tell a little lie, because she can’t describe the pain.

    Ask my mum how she is, she’ll say ‘im AlriGht’ if that’s the truth then tell me, why does she cry each night?

    Ask my mum how she is, she seems to cope so well, she didn’t have a choice you see, nor the strength to yell.

    Ask my mum how she is ‘I’m fine, I’m well, I’m coping’ for god sake mum just tell the truth, just say your heart is broken.

    She‘ll love me all of her life, I’ve loved her all of mine, but if you ask her how she is, she’ll lie and say she’s fine.

    I am here in heaven, I cannot hug from here, if she lies to you don’t listen, hug her and hold her near!

    On the day we meet again, we’ll smile and I’ll be bold, I’ll say ‘you’re lucky to get in here mum with all those lies you Told’ 

    ❤️❤️❤️

  • Beautiful poem mummytolily. Sending hugs mrsrees! Counseling is a good idea i did it for months after my loss last year and still talk about my feeling now. I think it’s fine your still in the group we need each other support. Give your husband time to grieve he’ll come around. I’ve learn men don’t show emotions well nor handle them I use to catch my husband sitting alone watching tv and I wouldn’t say a word but would sit next to him and simply hold his hand no words and he would eventually open up. 

  • MrsRees we are all here for you, pregnant or not. We have all been through it 😞 and know just how much support is needed. How are you doing hun?

    According to last scan I should be 9 weeks today, my dates made me 10 weeks today but going by scan. At 9 weeks my Angel babies heart stopped, I'm struggling more with getting to this stage than I did at the due date a few weeks ago. Have a scan on Saturday so hopefully get some reassurance then. 12 week scan has just come through post too. Please keep your heart beating little one. Mummy needs to hold her healthy rainbow 🌈❤️

  • Mummytolily that’s a lovely poem and certainly explains How im feeling, but people don’t tend to ask how I’m feeling this time around, think they trying not to bring it up as not to upset me and I’ve always said I just want normality 

    I have to keep going with driving lessons as I only have until march to pass or I have to re-do my theory, it’s taken me such a long time I feel, but I guess 2 mc and the death of my grandad in the past 18 months does that to people 

    thanks everyone for the support I’m really glad I have you all really don’t think I could get through it without you tbh

    hubby is not good with emotions at all and mainly expresses through diverted anger and it comes out at silly places instead and usually results in a shouting match with us but I do know that if things are really bad and I need a cry he will cuddle me all night if I need him too, just wish I could help him although I doubt he will go to councling as he had some as a kid for anger issues and hated it 

  • Honeybee i know how you feel with the 9 weeks both my pregnancies stopped at 9 weeks although one was mmc at 6 weeks but I found out at 9 that will always be a scary time in any further pregnancies but I will keep everything crossed for you xx

  • That poem made me cry.

    my partner is the same, mrsrees, And it is hard to deal with someone who can’t express their emotions when you are struggling with your own as well. But he knows you are there, and that you will always be if needed, and he will come to terms with everything in his own time. 

    i cannot wait for my appointment later, I have been awake most of the night with back pain, my bowels are being entirely weird (for me), and I am getting painful cramps. If they tell me I have not progressed at all I am putting myself on bed rest and watching crap tv until baby Decides to put in an appearance. And yes, I know I sound like a huffy brat, lol. 

  • That poem made me cry too. It’s very true. It’s such a hard thing to go through. After a couple of weeks, people don’t really ask, except for hubby, parents and very close friends etc. I think people either don’t understand or find it too awkward. We are all here for you MrsRees.

    honey, I have everything crossed for your scan on Saturday. I know how hard this is.

    Whale chick- it’s hard at the end isn’t it. Bed rest seems like a very good idea!! Haha!!

    mummytolily, I hope you and baby Harry are doing well.

    i hope everyone else is going well too. Seems like the sun is back out to cheer us up.x 

  • Hi ladies just wondering how soon did you ovulate in your first cycle after mc? Only started testing yesterday and the lines are a lot darker than what i thought they should be this is cd9 for me today x

  • Only my partner knew I miscarried, so we dealt with it between us, I did actually go on anti depressants, which I am still on now, and they have helped me a lot. 

    I put myself on bedrest last week so I could watch the golf, lol. Luckily my partner and daughter are amazing and don’t mind me being selfish sometimes. I forgot just how hard the end is, I actually don’t mind the pregnancy part, it’s the not sleeping and pain that I’m tired of. 

    I didn’t ovulate for almost 3 months, and it was that month that I fell pregnant again, Amie. Our bodies recover at different rates, so you may be ovulating, also your dates may change so it can take a while to work out your new cycle.

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