i cant do this anymore (long) ***UPDATE**

warning, i'm going to have a winge so stop reading now if you dont want to read.

basically i cant do this anymore and i'm fed up of people comparing me to a normal pregnant person at the end stage of pregnancy, including my family who know me and the medical profession.

for those who dont know me that well let me give you a low down on my health so you can get a better picture.
i have ME, fibromyalgia, chronic joint pain,sciatica, hernated disk in my spine, end stage bladder faliure resulting in me having to self catheterise everytime i need to empty my bladder which i i do this by passing a plastic tube insdie to drain. i also have a very sensative bladder lining due to having bladder cancer 9 years ago.

and now due to pregnancy i have develpped anemia which makes me even more tired ontop of the ME and SPD

i am now constantly going to the toilet every time i get up which is fine if i could wee normally but i cant because i need the catheters, but even using the catheters, my bladder isnt empting fully because of the babys head being there so if i'm not careful i could end up with an infection even though i'm still on antibiotics.
climbing the stairs wipes me out so need to have a lie down afterwards. i cant get anything done, making a cup of tea is hard work. my fiance has been sleeping on the couch for the past month because i'm not sleeping at night.

i need to be back on my medication to help me sleep, and for pain. i used to be on heavy duty pain medications because of the above health reasons, the most powerful being morphine. and yet all the dr will allow me to take is ONE co-codamol at night with paracetamol, when others have been allowed stuff stronger!

the hospital wont do anything about it. it took me breaking down in tears for them to even agree to try a sweep yesterday which didnt work and just left me in more pain. they wont consider induction until after my due date which isnt until the 25th and they said they would probalby wait until i'm 42 weeks. how the f#ck am i ment to last till then.

my fiance wants me to stop coming on here because i always end up in tears after reading that someone else is being offord a sweep early or getting induced etc. and i know each person is different but it just hurts how different hospitals treat different people diffently. i mean i read on another forum that someone was being induced because she has the STARTS of SPD, another frined of mine who also has ME was induced 2 weeks early because she had develpped sciatica. i have sciatica before pregnancy from a spinal/bladder op that didnt work but they dont take that into account.

i'm scared that i'm heading towards an ME relapse and if that happens then what sort of mother am i going to be. i feel like i've already failed as a parent. i'm scared that my depression is going to come back which is something i've fought long and hard to beat.

this baby is so so wanted and is a miracle as for the last 10 years i have been told that i would never concive naturally because i have only one ovary as the other was removed cause i had a 10cm tummor on it and the other ovary is severly pollyscysic. i am also pre menopausal and have been put twoce into a cemical menopase for 6 months a go. and yet i beat the odds and became pregnant 3 months after having my coil out, and 3 months before i was due to start fertility treatment.

i cant try any of the things to 'help' bring on labour as cant eat hot food due to gastric reflux, cant take a long walk cause i cant walk for more than a few mins with out my crutchers and antyhign longer and i need to use my wheelchair at the momemtn, bouncing on the ball hurts my SPD and sex is a no no cause my fiance cant bring himself to do it because of the pain i'm in and because hes one of those men who gets freaked out by the fact there is a baby in there.

what am i ment to do? i'm on my own all day which is why i come on here, to do something.

i',m sorry for writing this, wasnt planning on going on for so long but i just needed to get it out.

if i was healthy then i wouldnt care less about going overdue.


beccie
38+


UPDATE
just thought i would update you all. had an appoinment with the consultant today, although i didnt actually get to see her (no suprise there) but saw one of her team who i have seen before.
she did another painful internal to see if they could do a sweep and she couldnt as the cervix is still to high and tight shut!
she said that an induction would not work at this point and if they went ahead with an induction then i would end up having to have an emergency c-section!

so i've got to go back next week to see what my cervix is like. if she can get just one finger inside my cervix then they will induce me as i will be 40+1 then and if not then back the next week when they will induce me but it could mean an emergency c-section by that point if my cervix still isnt low or open

so all in all i'm not happy. seems like my body just doesnt want to labour and i will be absolutly p!ssed off if i get to 41 weeks and then they have to give me a c-section anyway when they could of done that from 37 weeks.

they have finally given me stronger painkillers though !

beccie
39+1



[Modified by: sleepybeccie on 19 March 2009 17:30:57 ]
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Posts

  • awww hun bless u i had no idea about all that u are having to deal with ,i have no suggestions other than pester ,cry and scream at ure docs to help u ,baby is full term now so there is no reason why baby couldnt be born now just keep on going there every day if thats what it takes ....also i know its hard being bored but try and rest up as much as poss dont even get out of bed if u feel knackered also on days u do feel ok try and go and see people or better still get them to come to u ...we will have to meet as soon as u can once bubs is born so u can meet sophia and i can meet ure new addition ....u will be a fab mum and although i have no idea what it feels like to suffer with me im sure it wont affect how u are as a mummy after all u will have all the love in the world and its that what matters to ure lo ....big hugs (((()))))

    lisa.jack and sophia xxxxxxxxxx
  • Grrrr, BE expert just ate my reply.

    It sounds as if you are having a horrific time of it hun, I don't really have any advice but didn't want to read and run.
    If you enjoy coming on here for the most part then continue to do so, we are all here if you need support. Are there any hobbies you can take up to pass the time? Like knitting (very trendy!) or making a scrapbook for your baby?
    I would keep on at your doctors, even if they don't do anything you will know that you have tried your very best.

    Big hugs
    Lulu
    xxx
  • Hi Hunni

    I really wish i could offer you some advice but if no ones listening to you i really dont think theres much you can do except keep badgering them and keep on at them hun,go and see your doctors or talk to meternity unit and see if they have anything else they can do to help..

    It must be really awful for you having all those problems and tbh i think its frankly disgusting that no one is helping you espec as you are now full term and your right the thought of having to cope for another 2 weels sounds horrendus.

    I'm sorry i cant give you any real advice but i am thinking of you and hoping baby coes soon for you.

    BIG HUGS

    D
    10+2
    xx xx
  • Fist of all big hugs to you.

    You have so much to deal with and you need to try and be strong for your little miracle. Im sure you will be a fantastic mummy. I think you should print this out and give it to the consultant. Beg him and make him understand the pain you are in. Maybe they are not eager to try induction as if your body is not ready it will fail an you could end up with an emerg section. Maybe if you were having an elective section they would be more willing. I think sometimes when we get upset the medical people 'think oh no not another hormonal woman' and we struggle to say everything we want to say. At least if it is in writing there will be no confusion.

    Sorry i have no more help than that. Also dont think you will get your baby out quicker by eating a curry or having sex. They are all old wives tales. I tried everything for 3 weeks cos i was having painful contractions on and off. Nothing worked and my little girl turned up one day early - when she was ready!!!
  • Im so sorry youre having to go thru this hun I had no idea. I would simply keep on at the doctors and midwives its all you can do hun. I cant believe theyre treating you this way though when youre obviously having a hard time

    Good luck I hope they finally see sense

    xxx

    http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/p/dev207pr___.png

  • ((((GREAT BIG HUG))))))
  • oh you poor thing! i'm in tears reading your story and i thought i had it bad! i can't offer you any advice i really can't, all i can say is the standard of care for some of us is so poor! all i can offer is a huge great big virtual hug hunni i pray that something will go your way and soon!


    Claire
    34+5
  • thanks for your replies girls. i've had a good cry with my fiance and feel a bit better. he's just as frustrated and feels helpless as i am.

    i was only at antenatal yesterday where they tried to do a sweep (and that was only after i had moaned and winged at them for a few weeks, they finally agreed to do that) but my cervix was far to high for them to be able to make a sweep work and its just left me in more pain.

    i see my consultnat next thursday but in the meantime i see no one. the consultnat i see is the obs for woman with medical disorders and she has been nothing but crap the whole time and we were told she was the best!

    as for doing something like knitting, well i used to do cross stitch but my hands are really swollen now so cant really use them for too long

    arghh i just feel so useless. but thanks for lsitening

    beccie x

    lisa, we def need to meet up once this little one had finally arrived!
  • Hey Beccie

    Keep loggin on and updating us - you can rant as much as you like here.

    this will pass and you will be a great mum!

    Hang in therex x x
  • HUGE HUGS TO YOU!!!!
    I will never moan about my aches and pains again!!!
    you will make a fantastic mum never fear that hun!
    and we are here for you to vent anytime you want! best of luck with baby coming soon!!xxx
    carlyxxxxx
  • Sending you big hugs hon!!
    I just wondered whether you'd already tried the PALS service at the hospital you attend - it might be worth raising your problems with them and see whether they can assist you with the getting a better quality of healthcare service as it sounds like your consultants are not listening to your needs. It might be worth a go if you've not done so already and get your OH to support you with it too - I always find that doctors/consultants listen more to my hubby than they do me! Here's the web site hon:
    http://www.pals.nhs.uk/cmsContentView.aspx?Itemid=1733
    Wishing you all the very best of luck hon.
    xx
  • Hi
    Sorry to butt in- saw your post on homepage. So sorry to hear you're in so much pain at what should be a really happy time. I promise it'll be worth it though- you'll forge the most of the pain the second you hold your little one.
    Anyway, just wanted to say that I had my lo 12 weeks ago-I went to 42+1 and the hospital were acting reluctant to do anything even at that stage but my hubby demanded to see a consultant and said he was concerned for the wellbeing of his wife and child and wanted it go to on record that he has expressed concerns, I promise as soon as he said that they were nice as pie and offered me a section. I think they let you go as long as they think they can get away with but one say you have concerns then the alarm bells go as wil bite them in the ar*e if something went wrong. Not saying it will but can do no harm to try saying this image
    Really hope you get sorted soon- I'll keep an eye out image

    Rosa & Lorelei x
  • Hi hun, sorry you're having such a rough time.
    I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is for you but I had really bad spd and sciatica at the end of my pregnancy and the midwife and consultant also refused to induce me early.
    However I tried everything to hurry baby along, to be honest nothing relaly worked for me and my waters broke with no contractions at 8days over. Even then they wiated 2 days to induce me !!
    But my point is there are loads of things that have worked sucessfully for other people, just not for me. I had 2 sessions of reflexology and one session of accupuncture (I really wanted baby to come !!) Didn't work for me but I felt I was doing something and the accupuncture actually relieved some of the sciatic pain so it did do some good. Have you considered either of these ?Suz x
  • thanks girls.

    my OH comes to every appoinment with me at the hospital and still we get the 'wait until you've seen the consultant' she wasnt in clinic for the past few weeks so got to wait until thursday to see her and hopefully she will actually be there!

    they just dont listen. if she doesnt listen to us on thursday then we will be demanding to see another consultant as this cant go on!

    i'm not even looking forward to my birthday now which is next week.
  • hey hun, didn't realise what u were going through *big hugs*...i have no advice but like sara said, if u need any company u know where i am, text me anytime u wanna chat hun x
  • I can't really offer advice. Only in the TTC forum at the moment but I just wanted to send you a huge hug. The fact that you are so upset already makes you a good caring mummy in my book.
    Take care and we are all thinking of you.
    xxx
  • thanks jenny and flora-bee.

    i just wish i could feel more positive.

    38+4
  • god what an awful time you are having beccie, deefinitely ask for your concerns to be put in writing when you do see the consultant, and as otm09 said, the PALS service may be of help. Good luck!!
    Ames x
    28+5
  • Hello sweetheart, I don't have anything to say that can help but I'd like to send you something called absent healing. It just means I will send positive vibes your way, lots and lots and lots of them x
  • Oh sweetheart, just found your update. God that is so harsh! i've got that too look forward to as well, thou this being my 3rd i'm likely to have more luck! i hope it doesn't end up in a c-section for your sake just cos of the SPD(which a c-section can make worse so i was told by my consultant!) anyhoo keep us updated on events and the very best of luck to you huge massive hugs xxx


    Claire
    35+5
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