unhappy dad to be

Any advice on the following anyone?

I have a 3 year old already and had the implant to stop pregnancy. Me and it did not get along and out it came very recently only I have now discovered I am pregnant anyway much to the GP's shock and mine. I always wanted a second child but H doesn't. I mean REALLY doesn't. We were about to be financially comfortable for the first time and he sees this as a disaster. I had to go on my own to my dating scan today which was awful and fairly pointless because its too early to give a precise date (about 4-5 wks) and couldn't even tell whether its one or more babies.

He has had 2 weeks to get used to the idea and isn't. He is furious and says we will have "another 3 years of hell". I have not even had a hug and had to do a round trip of 540 miles just to get a cuddle from my mum. I can hardly eat or sleep since finding out and have lost a whole heap of weight which is not good. I want this baby but want it to be wanted by not just me.

I am hoping he will come round but am not sure he will. How do I make him see its a life and a whole new person to love and be loved by rather than something stopping him from buying designer kit and adding heaps to his pension. I am all out of clues.



  • It's a tough one and I don't know that there is a right answer. I am sure he will come round to the idea, let's face it he will have to or there will be other problems! Sometimes its just the shock of the news, especially if its unplanned.
    I think you have to focus on you and lo, try not to get too worked up and give him some space to get used to it.
    It's only been 2 weeks so far.
    Sorry don't have a miracle cure.
  • Hi hum sorry l dont have much exp of this but didnt want to r & r. Can you not try and talk to him and make him understand that his behaviour is putting you under alot of stress that you dont need just now. It is his baby as well and its hardly your fault the implant failed maybe it was just meant to be. Good luck xx 25+1
  • It's a big upheaval having a baby anytime and takes a while to sink in - do you think he just needs time to get over the shock? Can you talk about how good it'll be for your 3 year old having a sibling - that it must be fate and was meant to happen - and that you are both young and can have all the niceties as the kids get a bit older? sorry not sure what to suggest - try talking if that doesn't work give him time on his own to think about things and he may come round. chelle x
    e.d.d 4th july
  • Sorry to hear you've been having a hard time. Please try and calm down and don't let the stress of things get to you it's not good for the baby. I think he must be really shocked it's happened so quickly and he'll need time to get around the thought of another baby. I'm sure he'll come round eventually. Just let him take the time he needs.

    As for it being 'hell' well there's lots of help out there nowadays. If you're on a low income have you applied for child tax credits, there's also a ??500 grant available to buy baby things.

    It's hard I know having your partner behave this way. I hope he sees how truly special this is and comes round soon.

    Take care love, Karys xxx
  • Hi hun.

    Sounds like a right dilemma. What does your hubby want you to do?
    Could you live with having a termination just to please him?
    I'm sure you've been through all these thoughts and more over the last two weeks. You really need to get him to sit down with you and talk this all through.
    You have three choices open to you.......
    1) Hubby comes round and realises it takes two to tango, this should involve lots of apologising and chocolate and flowers etc.

    2) Hubby doesn't come round. This leaves you to face being a single mum of two or option 3 (single mum of 2 route involves screwing him for every penny)

    3) The dreaded T word. This option depends on how you feel about the whole pro-life debate.

    I wish you all the best hun and hope things work out for you.
  • Sorry if i sound awful but if it were me id forget about him (not literally) let him have his tantrums and be moody about it im sure he will come round in the end, you need to concentrate on u and the Lo now and being stressed and not eating ist going to help concentrate on you 2 first and im sure he will soon come round to it and realise how horrible he has been at the end of the day its his baby too and he will have to get used to it (like it or lump it if you ask me) sorry for the bluntness just annoys me that men think they can moan about these things when its us that carry the baby for 9 months with the pile heartburn cramp etc and then we do most of the work when they arrive my Oh only does the nice bits like playing and having a cuddle i get all the crappy nappies and sleepless nights etc (well i did last time and i no it will happen again this time too) sorry to rant again Sophie 39+1 xx


  • ok my opinion is this I don't think your oh is being selfish you wern't planning a child. In fact you had taken precautions to ensure you didn't get pregnant. So have you not thought about a termination? I know some won't like me saying that. However if you had decided to leave it at one. I can understand your oh being upset I would be to. If this child isn't what you both want I think it would be for the best. I also think you need to have a good old fanshioned chat if you do want more children and he doesn't.
  • wow. ok firstly congrats on pregnancy hun. i gather from your post that this child IS wanted by you but a major shock for him. you cannot have a termination soley if your hubby doesnt want it if you both didnt then fair enough but if its wanted by you then you will regret it forever.
    im sure as the pregnancy progresses he will come round pregnancy is different for men than women. men get attatched when lo is born really wheras its different for us. he will love this child as much as the last one when its here. it must be such a shock at the moment but if you have seen baby on scan then it may be more real to you than to him. you need to sit down and discuss it together like applejack says perhaps when he is ready to discuss it (men are strange creatures) . im sure if you ride it out for a bit he will come round to the idea eventually. hope so for your sake and babys sake. lots love xx
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