another removal sorry! blame the stalker.......

removed AGAIN!

[Modified by: removed on 15 September 2009 13:13:45 ]

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  • Hiya

    I used to get the same thing- people would look at my bump and then look straight at my hand to see if I had a ring on. It's pathetic! We are not living in the 1950's, people need to get their head round it, times have changed!

    Whilst my partner and I would like to get married eventually we have both agreed that there are better things to spend the money on, like all the things our child will need, or a holiday to disneyland!

    And I love the thought that if/when we do get married, my son will be at our wedding, I think that's lovely.

    Ignore the gossips, they have nothing better to do. Stupid bints xxx
  • i know how you feel, when i first got pregnant i was not married and only 19 everyone used to talk about me and my boyfriend, saying i was too young,were not married etc etc although we do live together. then i had a miscarriage and was devestated. and only what my boyfriend gran said was maybe it was a blessing in disguise coz you would off brought shame on the family with not being married!!

    me and my partner had since got married (not because of what people think we should do,just because we thought the time was right and had come into a bit of money) and a week b4 we got wed i found out i was pregnant! i was, am so happy im 27 weeks, then people his nan was telling everyone we married coz we dident want a child out of wed lock! so either way we got gossiped about,but were not botherd has long as we know.

    and besides i think having a child together is the biggest commitment then any bit of paper.
    dont let it get you down hun xxxx
  • People are just so small minded hun, id try and ignore them! I know its totally different, but when i got married all anyone ever said to me was when are you starting a family!!! Its like they think the 2 come hand in hand and if you dont then your talked about.

    My god daughter is half african, and we get funny looks if me & husband take her out you know exactly what there thinking. But hey if there talking about you there leaving someone else alone!

    Chin up hun xx
  • grr, people make me so angry!!!!! honestly are we living in the dark ages... did I dream that feminism and women being thought of as individuals happened?

    and as for 'the black lad' comment oooo.... it makes me mad!!!!

    good comeback thou honey!!!

    go get em... and send I few my way let them tkae me on with my raging hormones!

    grrr!!!
    xxxx
  • God people can be narrow minded! I actually fall into the category of being old(ish, I'm 30) and married but I wouldn't dream of judging anyone else. The fact is that age doesn't always have a whole lot to do with how responsible you are, and being married has nothing to do with anything. My brother and his partner aren't married, because they don't want to be, they have been together ages have one little girl and another baby on the way. Are they worse parents than me and oh just because they aren't married? I don't bloody think so. Still look on the bright side, at least you thought of a good response before you left, if it had been me I wouldn't have thought of a good come back until at least an hour later!
  • when my sister was in hospital just before she has her DD, one woman kept commenting on how young she was to be on her second, she was 23!!

    I am married but my wedding rings are miles too big so i have them on a chain around my neck, but people see you with 2 kids and another on the way and make 'unwed' comments behind my back, it really pees me off, no one has the right to judge any one, (although, I think this woman is jus bitter, she's in her 70's and I over heard her talking and she never found love or had kids, sad but no need to take it out on every one else)
  • That was so rude of them!! Especially about the mixed couple thing. Even my OH's mum, was going on about some woman who went out with a black guy and sounded disgusted. Makes me so angry!! What difference does it make?

    I do have a ring but it is only an eternity ring. People keep going on to me about getting married but tbh it isn't the right time and I think people who get married JUST because they are expecting a baby (I think its fine if you wanted to anyway!) are a lot worse than those who wait.

    Even my friend who is my age (19) told me I should get married, well I have stopped talking to her completely!

    I hate people who say 'Oh but you won't all have the same name', like wtf how is that important??? I wouldn't change my name even if I did get married, bet that would shock people as well :roll:

  • Wow, cool rant S-JGachett, lol. People just dnt know wen to keep their mouths shut do they? I see people giving me funny looks all the time, coz im only 21 with an 18months old and pregnant again. Im not married but im engaged and have been with my partner nearly 5yrs. We work bloody hard for everything we've got and as well as a part-time job im also in uni. Wat more do people want? Let me see them try doing everything I am? Oh well f*ck the lot ov em its non of their business wat our situations are, if they feel the need to judge its their problems, as long as we are happy that is all that matters. Kerry xxx
  • i know what you all mean, i neva thought it would be an issue but iv noticed that people have a look to see if im married. its awful and to be honest i just think 'f**k you'. i own my own house, my partner also has his own house which we rent out, both work full time and have both worked since 13 as well as both studyin and goin to uni!
    age and a bit of paper has nothin to do with how good a parent you are? ignore them hunni, they are usually only bitter, twisted people. xx
    ps: the only person who can ask bout when we are gettin married is my grandma - shes 86 and dementing so shes allowed but even she doesnt go on bout it, just excited bout been a great grandma. xx
  • Hi there! S-J Gachette!

    I replied to a post u did in the young mums forum aswell!,
    i have 2 girls aged 5 and 2 and expecting my 3rd in september,
    I can remember when i was expecting my first a old lady came up to me and asked me if i was married, i replied wots it to do wiv u and she snorted well if u was my daughter i would av abbandoned you, i just looked in pure and utter shock mumbled a few names at her and walked away, i was utterly gobsmacked how dare she come up and ask me if i was married, i aint by the way just engaged and living wiv my partner now but at the time we was living at my mums, but i swear now if any body asked me they would be scraping themselves off the floor there is no need for it.
    And while i av started i will rant over old people aswell on the bus................. all i can hear is them well these young uns now adays they av it easy you dint get none of this in my day, then they dont move out of buggy seats n expect you to move over them god it reaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllly makes me mad n very p****d off, and angry.
    sorry bout that i feel much better!
    Hope everyones ok?
    Adele xxxx
  • removed. lol reading these old post brings back memories, ot al happy but anyways, x

    [Modified by: removed on September 15, 2009 01:17 PM]

  • wow im actually smiling now. thanks ladies your posts have made me calm and not wanting to grab the next person i see looking and bash their head against a brick wall.
  • Hey babe!

    This time round I am older with a wedding ring on my finger but that makes me no better a mother than anyone else amd I find it horrendous that anyone would try to make anyone feel any less a person.

    I did encounter this 15 years ago when I was pregnant with Keiran and unmarried but I held my head up just as anyone else should!

    As for the racist comments - that is bloody disgusting in this day and age! I have been in a foul mood for the past few days and I really wish I had been with you when this happened because I have been completely unable to stop my mouth whenever anyone has p*****d me off and I would probably have wiped the floor with them!

    Dont let them get to you love - not all of us oldies are single minded bigots!!!!

    Love Lee
    xxxxx
  • Im 21 and married although im not showing yet whenever i have my neice with me people assume she is mine and give me dirty looks and mutter. Both me and my husband love each other so much, are working very hard so we can have a child and we own our own home so whats wrong with us having a baby!!! Lots of people tell me i look too young to be married. The weird thing is so many of our parents and grandparents were young parents and we all turned out all right. I think because all you ever see on tv is older 'good' parents and all young parents are portrayed as scroungers and dossers people assume thats what real life is like. When i was getting married i went to a wedding fair with my mum who is 44 and people kept asking her when the wedding is and it drove me mad so i imagine when i have the baby people will probably assume its hers when we go out.

    Well done for standing up for yourself and i find it disgusting that someone can be so openly rascist. What business it of anyone elses when we chose to have children and who we have them with? It does not affect them in any way so i dont see why they feel they have the right to comment.
  • lol this made me chuckle we had it from HIS family about TTC b4 marraige and blah blah blah... its why i love my mom so much she looked at me when we told her about what his family said and asked why we would want to waste our money on a party for ppl to get drunk at and make fools of them selves and also for a bit of paper and 2 bits of metal! (i totally agree. my comitment to Dan is the fact i agreed to have a baby lol) my mom also said had my dad not been in the army she wouldn't have married him!My sister was born to a different dad than me when mom was 17... my sister had my nephew at 19 without the dad about...

    The MOST hilarious part of his family saying about marraige b4 baby was that his sister had her 1st at 14yrs old yes you read right! she fell pregnant at 13 and yet had the cheek to tell me i should get married 1st! hahahaha pot calling kettle black and what not! i'm engaged and have been for 2 yrs we got engaged 3 months after meeting as we'd settled into "married life" as soon as we met! i hate ppl who judge and even ppl on here judge or misread things and get uptight... Its not like we don't have lifes of our own and beliefs that are different but ppl like to force THEIR beliefs on you and think its fine! a bug bare of mine!
  • Oh my god i cant believe the things i've just read!! i'm 20 and have been with my fiance for 8 months, engaged since september. I'm only 14 weeks gone but showing alot already and i always see people looking from my bump to my hand to my face and then giving me the evils. It's ridiculous! I always hear them muttering, sometimes they dont even have the decency to mutter they just say them outright! If i'm not with my fella then they presume i'm single, if they see my ring they presume i'm getting married just because i'm pregnant!! You can't keep people happy!! I just tell people to shut it now i refuse to be bothered by their petty little comments. I know for a fact that my grandparents and great grandparents were married and had their first kid when they were 19 or 20 and that was normal then. Even my mum was only 19 when her and my dad married, what does it matter? People are so narrow minded!! And as for the racist comments, my dad's from the carribbean (he is white, but still) and people presume because he's not black that he's british but when they see family members of mine that are black it's a whole different story. It's absolutely ridiculous!! Lol sorry your messages got me all riled up! I'm going back to watching Jeremy Kyle now, how's that for a stereotype?? Haha, take care ladies xxx
  • I always remember when I first fell pg with DD, I told a work collegue, she turned round and said, oh great another single teenage mum scronging off the government, I said excuse me BUT

    1. I'm 23
    2. We're engaged
    3.we both work
    4. we own our own house

    so many people judge you and they don't even know you, they should learn to keep their mouths shut and mind their own business!!
  • I am so pissed off now from reading what we have to put up with! My mum and dad got married at 18 cos she was pregnant with my older brother, they got divorced 26 yrs later and hated each other! I had a pretty miserable childhood cos i knew they werent happy! why is that the better option??!!

    Im 23, live with partner in our own home and work bloody hard for everything we have and have no intention of blowing ??10k for one day when we can spend money on our LO and make the best life possible for our little baby!

    I have noticed a lot of people looking at my ring finger though and it pisses me right off! I dont give a shit though as the people who i care about all know the score!

    x x

    ps i cant believe people are so openly racist in this day and age...they should be ashamed of themselves!
  • Been there on this topic - was 18 and unmarried when I had my first lo.

    Now I'm 37 and 'respectfully married' to my dh who is black and expecting my 2nd child with him (my 4th altogether though). Although we don't get any comments - probably because we live in Harrow, Middx which is culturally very diverse thank goodness but I have had a few comments from the woman I used to work with.

    She came into my office one day and was going on about Lewis Hamilton (can't remember why) when she leant over, put her hand on my arm and said 'I don't normally approve of mixed marriages - I know you're happy and everything, but I don't normally, but I think for Lewis Hamilton I might make an exception'!!! WTF???

    Sadly there are many people in this world who still harbour overt and not so overt racist tendencies.

    Me personally - I pay no mind to them and I can guarantee that my ds and this lo I am carrying will be two of the most well balanced, unjudgemental members of society.

    Ignore them hon and get on with doing what you know is right - loving your family, with rings, without rings, black, white or inbetween!

    Hugsx

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