Am I Wrong??

i'm 9 1/2 weeks pregnant with baby no 2 and am not telling everyone i know til i've had my 1st scan, my problem is this:
when i had my first baby a friend of mine had a boy about 5 months before i had Noah. she insists that she will not have any more children as her pregnancy was very difficult. before Noah was born she gave me a load of baby clothes that her little boy had grown out of, and as her boy has grown out of his clothes she has passed them on to me, saying that if she hadn't given them to me she would only have thrown them away.
i then had a text from her last night asking if i'd finished with them as her friend has just found out she is pregnant and could her friend have the clothes. as far as i was concerned she'd given the clothes to me and i have packed them away for baby no 2,i don't know what i'm having yet obviously but it's more than likely to be another boy, as there are lots of boys on my husbands side of the family. the other girl obviously doesnt know what she is having either and has only just found out so i would assume she's probably only 5-6 weeks. i don't want to trell her i'm pregnant til i've had my scan.what do i tell her? am i wrong to want to keep these clothes as i thought they were mine to keep? sorry i know it's trivial but i don't know what to tell her as i feel that she shouldn't really be asking for them back for someone else, if they were for her then it would be a different matter.
Em xx :?


  • Oo - scruples! In all honesty, unless you're prepared to tell her that you 'might have some news in a couple of weeks', I reckon you're best handing over the stuff.

    Plan B is to stall her until you've had the scan, but presumably she's already offered the stuff to her other friend so it'd put her in a position. She'll only have offered the stuff honestly assuming you no longer have need of it... she doesn't know what you knowimage

    Nice that you have friends who share! xx
  • Hiya hun, i can see where your comming from! If she gave them to you and said she would have thrown them away then they are yours. I can also see it from her point though because she doesn't know you are pregnant and her other friend is, she probably thinks you won't mind giving them back as by the time you have another you can have them back again. Does that make sense lol?
    I can't really see any way round it but to tell her hun, it's a bit of a difficult situation! Sorry I'm not much
  • Are the clothes worth losing a friendship over?

    You can pick more up so reasonably now I think, personally, the friendship comes first hon! She has no idea that you may need them - is it really fair putting her in that position? Maybe when you tell her she will say - best you keep them but you are not giving her the option!

    Love Lee
  • thanks i can see your points but i feel its a little cheeky of her to offer the clothes over to her friend before asking me and she does know that i do want more kids, ok fair enough she doesn't know i'm pregnant now, but i have my scan next week and really dont want to say before then, my husband told far too many people and i wanted to wait til my scan so really trying not to tell too many more people.i feel almost as if i will jinx it if i tell her now i know i'm probably just being silly!i think i will try and stall her its not as if the other girl needs them immediately she has only just found out, and it may not be a boy yet either! the only other thing i can think of is to sort out some of them, not all and do it that way. ??
  • If It was me I would hand them over, but then I am an hormonal cow and would hate to feel owing to her as you said you thought they were yours, to be honest when I had my first son, if people gave me stuff when I had done with it I sent it all to charity shops, never assumed anyone might ask for them back!

    20wks 3 days
  • she did give you the clothes, and most people after they have used them would have given them to a charity shop. so its a bit strange of her to offer them to someone else when she doesnt even know if you have them or still needed them iyswim.

    Though im sure her friend would be grateful for the clothes, you need them as well. Why not split the clothes. you give half and then keep the other half. You probably will have to tell your friend that you are pg again, but she will be over the moon for you. Congrats by the way! x
  • i think you should go with what titchrules said it makes sence. sarah xxx
  • You could always say to her that you would like to hold on to them because you intend to try for another child "in the future". If you don't feel ready to announce your pregnancy then I wouldn't do it just for the sake of holding onto some clothes. You have to think about what is more important to you.

    Obviously I don't know your friend or her reasons for asking for the clothes but in my experience there is usually a good network of people all trying to help each other out by passing things on for babies and so she's probably just trying to help. She doesn't know you're pregnant so she just trying to help a friend. It doesn't sound like she thinks the clothes are still her property but maybe she knows you have them and would rather they go to someone else she knows than you throwing them out or passing them to a charity shop.

    My sister-in-law offered their son's cotbed to another friend before I had a chance to ask for it but she's said she could get her hands on another cotbed or a cot from other people she knows so we could have a choice! It's like a little industry of people helping each other out. I'm sure that's what your friend is doing.

    Hope you sort it out - it's an interesting dilema actually and one I will now bear in mind with all the hand-me-downs I'm going to be receiving!
  • why dont you stall her if your scan is next week or the other option if its not giving too much away would be to tell her that your actually ttc now. i do know where your coming from though as i was given a few things and would be suprised if i was asked to return them. congrats on ur pregnancy.
  • maybe you could tell her you've already gotten rid of the clothes, like given them to one of your own mates or charity shop? hats unless you see her often lol. but anyways dont assume its going to be a boy, my hubby is one of 4boys, no girls, most his cousins are boys, and i have a brother... and we have a little girl now. xx
  • Hi - I completely understand as I have a wee man and was ttc again. I took some clothes down to my cousin and she put the too small things back at my nans telling her to keep them safe. Thursday nan told me she'd taken them to the charity shop and Friday I got my BFP. Then after getting the BFP my sis-in-law asked if I had any things she could take for her partners grandchild (who doesn't have much) and I reluctantly handed over 4 new outfits.
    Didn't want to tell anyone but have fessed up to cousin who is now going to store stuff at hers!!!
    The others are right though and depending on your dates you may even both get to use the clothes in question- my cousin and I have traded maternity stuff 4 times too! image
  • hi i can see both sides too. i had a load of stuff given me when joseph was born and it still comes in trickles even now from my hubby cousin. i would feel a bit put out though if she asked for them back for someone else i must admit! i dont know what to suggest , perhaps give some of the stuff back and keep whats neutral colours for you or vice versa? xx
  • Id say yeah not sure what bits ive got, some have gone to a good home already... (your not lying but not having to tell her your pregnant either) them once you have your scan you can let her in on the secret ... if the child is a diff sex you can always hand over the good that are no good to you later there is no sence of ergency yet! remember she has only just found out! when i found out i was pregnant i got give LOADS of really pretty dresses but i'm having a boy OH had something to say about dressing him in them any way so my friend who gave them to me told me there is a girl pregnant at her childs school and if i didnt need them could she hand them over to her... I think what was said above is right just everyone knows babies are so expencive and they are only in there clothes for a tiny while so think the intention is just to help out! sure she wont mind once she finds out really why you dont give them over! x
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