stressed at work

Hey everyone, I know it's really sad as it's a Friday night and work should be the last thing on my mind but I was just wondering if anyone else is having hassle at work?

I found out I was pregnant six months into starting my new job and although they have been supportive- as in offering me flexible hours when I get back to work, I find that there's always a battle.

My colleagues aren't supportive and make comments about me getting pregnant to get out of things at work, my boss refuses to acknowledge my need for a risk assessment (I work in some risky situations) and is always cracking the whip on deadlines- more so with me than my colleagues.

This week they started advertising my maternity cover and my boss and colleagues keep making comments about they hope someone really good takes my job and that they might not have me back. They say it as a joke and although I know they cant do that to me i still feel worried about my future.

It's really hard because i was only just getting to grips with the job when i fell pregnant and feel like i'm always explaining myself to people in the organisation about how i ended up pregnant so early into my role- i've lost count of the times i've been asked if bump was an accident.

My poor boyfriend doesnt manage to escape a day without hearing me complain when I get home but I just feel so fed up and frustrated with how i'm being treated.


  • Some people are so tackless! Dont worry as far as your job goes, they have to keep your job open for you to return and i would talk to them about a risk assesment as its law for them to provide you with one.

    Can you not sit down and talk to your boss? i dont get how any of thenm can say you only got pregnant to get out of work, have any of them actully got kids? its a lot more hard work than working full time! Tell them to grow up and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy x

  • As EmmaLou said, they HAVE to provide a risk assessment- it's not optional. And they're really stupid not to, because if anything were to happen and they hadn't done the risk assessment you could sue the pants off them! I think that in view of what's been happening, you really need to get some advice from CAB or someone objective, then arrange to have a meeting with your boss and go through your concerns. Try to make a list of all the issues and explain it to your boss clearly and calmly. Also, if there's anyone in your workplace who is supportive and knows whats going on maybe they could come into the meeting or at least speak to the boss and say that they have also seen comments being made.
    Hope you get it sorted so that you can focus on yourself and the baby- Good Luck!!
  • Awwww Hun, Im so sorry to read this, I seriously cant believe some people-I mean how immature.
    I thought my work was an issue, Im in a similar situation to you-except worse, I started work about a week after I fell pregnant (but obviously didnt know) However although for obvious reasons work arent overly impressed (Im a trainee and the boss was hoping to move me up after my training) they've all been really supportive.
    I think you should talk to someone about whats going on, to me it sounds like your being victimised and bullied. To be honest what shocks me most is the behaviour of your being pregnant doesnt effect them.
    Sorry to bring my situation up again, but my collegues have been amazing-one of them had suffered a mc and found out I was pregnant and even she's been great. I mean if anything in the situation Im in I could understand if collegues were acting more like yours, but yours seriously need to just grow up. You shouldnt have to put up with that.

    I hope everything goes well for you anyway hun, just try not to let them get to you too much but if you can find someone who you can talk to and see if they can help


    [Modified by: FlyingKiwi on April 26, 2008 01:42 PM]
  • Hey everyone, thanks so much for your messages- it's meant a lot to me because i was really starting to worry that it was just me being over-sensitive and i'm relieved that you all see it from my perspective. I'm definitely going to talk to my boss and his boss too- she's the only one who has been great and i think it might be worth making her aware of how i'm feeling.
    Thanks again xx
  • It seems quite clear that you are suffering sex discrimination. If I were you, even if you don't do anything about it, make notes of dates/times of who said what. It might help if you take it to a tribunal later on.
  • Hi hun, discodevil is right. I've just spoke to my OH who is an employment law wis, he says that it's discrimination, keep a diary of who said what where and when, also if you have a union, go to them and ask to arrange a meeting with your boss, if not write to your boss and ask for a meeting and take along a supportive friend but not OH. Get in touch with your HR dept and firly ask for a risk assesment, they have a duty of care to you and your lo.

    In the letter to your boss state you would like a formal meeting about work but don't tell him why or he will have time to make a case against you(that's how idiots like this boss work).

    Before the meeting write a list of bullet points you wish to cover, you should note that your friend is there to support not talk for you.

    Stay calm and focused, take a bottle of cool water with you, it works to keep you calm and focused.

    I know it's hard but try not to get upset or raise your voice. Get you friend to make notes and at the end of the meeting get your boss and friend to sign as well as you. Copy and give a copy to your boss. Should this ever get to tribunal you'll have proof that you were trying to be resonable. And he's signed to say it happened.

    your local citizen's advice can give you leaflets on your rights and how you should be treated.

    talk to your mw and gp. maybe they can help with infomation.

    Lastly and most importanly hun, do try not to worry, at the end of the day the law is on your side and you'll have a beautiful lo.

    sorry it's long but I hope it helps.


    [Modified by: mrskeen on April 26, 2008 10:41 PM]
  • Hi marianne31 Just thought I let you know that Im in a similar situation and what I have done so far.

    Ive just had a meeting with the union decision officer after making a complaint against my Line manager and the way she has been treating me since ive been pregnant.

    When I spoke to H.R. they advised me to firstly speak to my line managers boss, as this wasnt suitable for me (they are good friends) I had to submit a letter to them listing my grievances. They replied and informed me of what would happen next. That a letter has been submitted to a decision officer and if I still wish to proceed they will arrange a meeting.

    In the meantime I made an appointment to meet a union rep and give them a copy of the letter. we talked through the letter I and let her know how Ive been feeling by the way my line manager has been treating me. She informed me that this is sexual discrimination and that I do have a valid case against my line manager. (also to look up acas for advise)

    She was with me in the meeting with the decision officer all they did at this time was discuss the letter ask me questions and take notes. They then had a meeting with my line manager and I assume they did the same with my manager.

    They informed me that they will type up what has been said in each meeting and supply us a copy where we have a chance to add or retract what has been said. I should know more next week as I have not had a reply from H.R yet.

    As mrskeen has said if you do have a meeting with your boss take someone with you if not a union member then a colleague not only to make notes but as a witness to what is said.

    Hope this helps.


    p.s I have only two weeks left in work and im yet to have a risk assement.
  • hi hun, i just thought id offer my support as im also in a similar position. my supervisor is great but one of the ward sisters is intent on makin my life an utter misery. so much so that i ended up in tears on monday at work.
    she is a bit of a bitch anyway and has been a bit of a cow to everyone but when others notice that she has picked on me especially i knew it wasnt just me. its sarky comments bout how im workin, nothin has changed as far as im concerned.
    she criticises me constantly and just makes me feel on edge when shes about.
    its got so bad my supervisor wants me to take it down the formal bullyin route - just what i need when i have 6 weeks left to work.
    i just wanted to let you know that your not alone and i think its down to been jealous (shes 50 and never had children but thats not my fault).
    hannah xxx
  • it's so good- in a funny way- to know others are feeling the same. Weird thing is my boss's wife has literally just had a baby so if anyone should be able to support me it should be him- seems to me like he's just being a git. Also doesnt help that my main colleague calls me a princess any time i open my mouth about being hot/swollen/tired etc. I am definitely going to put my concerns on the record tomorrow as i'm having enough trouble sleeping without waking up in the early hours with this on my mind. Thanks again guys for your support, it's made so much difference and i dont feel so alone with it now xxx
  • Marianne i'm sorry to hear your struggling at work, but your not alone as you now know. I too am having issues with unsupportive boss and bullying by colleagues. Its even harder for me to resolve as work for a very small firm and so no company policy, HR dept or any such helpful thing!

    I'd reiterate what was said before, keep detailed notes of incidences and keep them, as you may well have a case to fight! I know a battle is the last thing any of us need when we're already going through so much, but none of us should be treated like this. xxx Thinking of you xxx
  • Hi there

    I'm continuously shocked by how badly people can behave, I too thought I was alone, until I began to read other people's stories, here is mine...

    2 girls in my office complained to HR that I had taken time off work (my GP asked me to say off work for a week due to anemia with sick note). HR and my manager then tricked me into a meeting (they said they wanted to talk about cover for when I will be on ML) where they kept going on about how my pregnancy was not fair on the team and my absence not fair on the girls as they had to cover me when im not there. They complained about the other pregnancy women in the building (about 4, this is a very big company) and asked me to tell them every detail about my pregnancy.... by this time, I was in floods of tears and had to leave the meeting.

    I was so depressed by this, I wanted to quit which is very unlike me. The bullying from the girls over the past 8 months since i joined the company was too much. With the help of my husband and some research, I decided to fight back.

    I wrote A strongly worded email to HR, my manager and overall boss to say I was being discriminated against and bullied and promised them a law suit if it didn't stop. The HR person then had a meeting with me to retract what was said and claimed it was a misunderstanding.... This was 2 weeks ago. I'm watching how things go, if they don't inprove, I will slap them with the biggest lawsuit they ever heard of including lots of press, they hate bad PR in the company.

    law is on your side, unfortunately, it doesn't always mean people respect it, but a big law suit and treat of big compensation from them will soon make them behave.

  • Hello all of you who gave me the strength to fight back- i just thought i'd let you know how I got on!
    I went back to work last Monday thinking i'd wait and see how things went but by Tuesday/Wednesday i'd had enough. Comments in the office reached an all time low- some sicko even had the stupidity to ask me if i'd seen Coronation St and then tell me Maria was the same stage as me and that it's really common for people to find out they are carrying dead babies?! (it really isnt common btw, in case anyone's reading this and worried). Then we had a 'team' meeting where everyone just completely overlooked any feedback i gave and were rude. My boss even went so far as to call me a moaner and after a few other comments from him I decided enough was enough. I told him I was going to report him to his boss and outlined why I was doing it as well as relaying the list of disgusting things people had said to me over the months. I then went out of the office to an all day meeting and when I returned the next day my risk assessment was done, my boss assured me i will have my job back at the end of maternity leave and also apologised for the way i've been treated. I made it clear i would be monitoring the situation until i go on maternity leave and have managed to get a colleague from another department to exchange emails with me on the subject so i have a record. They have also said they will fully back me if i need to take things further. But most of all, I couldn't have done it without you lot- you made me realise i wasn't just being an oversensitive pregnant woman, i was being treated badly. You dont know how much your comments meant to me xxx
  • I can't believe someone can be that disgusting and comment about Cornantion St and compare it to your pregnancy, that is awful.

    It just goes to show that as soon as you mention the law, your rights and reporting them, that they are quick to turn things around for you.

    I'm glad to hear things have been sorted out and I hope things go ok for you until your maternity leave.

  • OMG-to be honest, I have a lady who everytime she see's me asks if I watched Corranation street...I knew what she was getting at and thought that was bad enough, but I cant believe someone actually said that to you-thats discusting, seriously, I dont know how some people sleep at night.

    Im glad your sorting things out hun, I really hope you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and just put the way those idiots have been treating you behind you.


  • I'm really glad to hear that you got things sorted Marianne- well done for standing up for yourself! I hope things continue to go well for you, keep logging any more nasty comments you get but don't dwell on them.
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