I hate my midwife..what can I do?

Hi girls
I had an appointment with my midwife today and it was awful. This is going to be a bit of a long story but here goes...
My sister moved to spain with a friend of hers called sarah about 5 years ago. Sarah soon settled in and got a bf but my sister didnt, do after 6 months she came home and sarah was really peed off with her because she needed my sisters wage for the flat but sister was lonely and homesick and left sarah enough money for the next 2 months rent (courtesy of our dad!) so shouldnt really have been a problem, but when sister got home sarahs mum was ringing my mum dad and everyone going beserk because sister had come home and my dad had to give her a load of money etc
Anyhoo..sarah's mum is my midwife and she HATES me. She is so bloody cold and horrible to me. I went in today and was in agony with the SPD so she said she'll refer me for physio but doesnt think it will make any different and says I need a back brace. She then got me up on the bed and started poking around my bump, really roughly, and then pronounced I was 3 weeks ahead which I know I'm not, I've had 3 scans and all of them have said my dates are correct. so she said well in that case your having a very big baby..ok fine so will she induce me on my due date and she said no its not a medical reason and then went on about how I'm definatly going to go overdue as my first was so late and the labour is going to be incredibly difficult and painful for me because of the SPD, a big baby plus I'm only 5ft 2 so my pelvis is naturally smaller anyway. So I was a bit downhearted to say the least. She then started on about movement and was I feeling 10 a day as I should be by now and I said no I wasnt and in fact I was feeling a bit down because I was missing out on it and she told me that it was stupid I felt like that and I was being another irrational hormonal woman and I should just shut up and get on with it. She then took my bp which was high and tested my urine which had +protein in it and said oh well I'll check it in 4 weeks. On the whole, it was a really horrible appointment and I want to change the midwife because I feel that she's letting personal issues get in the way of her care for me, but what can I do? Do I have the right to change my midwife and if I cant will they tell her I complained about her?
sorry for the long post.


  • Of course you do.....she sounds like a right plonker. If you don't get on with her...or rather she doesn't get on with you then tell your surgery. Ask them if you can change midwife as she has been unpleasant and unsettling. Usually they have about two or three midwives that visit the surgery so I'm sure you could be 'adopted' by another. If you don't want to make the complaint then ask about the midwives at the surgery and what days they are in and ask if you can change your day...therefore your midwife.
    No one should have to deal withthat. I 've had friends who have changed midwives and had no problems. good luck sweetie, hope you get it sorted. your blood pressure was probably raising because you were dreading the appointment with her and working yourself up about it, so its not just about her dislike.....it for your health...you need to be chilled out during these appointments.Really really good luck
    Take it easy
  • you have every right to change your midwife for whatever reason but id say here you have definate grounds to change. if i were you id change if she's there during labour its going to cause you distress at a time when you need to focus and relax. i wouldnt let the communitymidwife see me just cos i used to work with her at asda years ago. do not want people i know even as aquaintences poking and prodding at me and reading my notes. my mw sais she thought i was weird so i binned her and got another haha.
  • Def speak to someone and change your midwife hun as no one should be treated like that. She sounds like a right cow and should be doing her job properly not taking personal issues out on you at a time when you need the reassurance and support the most. If there is not another midwife at your surgery is there another practise near by that you can change too? I know I see my midwife at another practise as I work when she is at my normal one! Tammi xxx
  • Hi girls thanks for all your replies. Its really reassuring to know that its not just me over reacting. I've got to take my daughter for an appointment with a nurse this morning so I think I'm going to ask the receptionist if there are any other midwives on that practise and if not I'll change to the surgery next door, which is where my husband is registered anyway. I'm just so scared that somehow the midwife will find out that I've complained about her and then I'll have to see her anyway and she'll be even worse. But its all confidential isnt it?
  • What a cow pants! She is clearly a trout!

    Its not like you had anything to do with your sister's decision. Bless you. Hope you do get it sorted, who needs the extra hassle!
  • If I were you and I had to see her again, I'd take a tape recorder and use it to complain about her formally after the appointment. It's completely unprofessional conduct and she should not be bringing home to work like this - yellow card behaviour!

    Hopefully you'll be able to transfer and not deal with her again, but if there's any likelihood she'll be there when you deliver, I'd take it further and complain. Calling you an irrational hormonal woman for discussing not feeling much movement is outrageous... not surprised your BP was high!

    Good luck chick! xx
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