I don't have anywhere I can stay as my parents are moving house today and I don't have any friends near by. He is staying at his friends tonight then moving out on saturday.
I am going to go to cab now so I will message when I get back to let you know how it goes.
I have been down to cab but they are busy and have told me to book an appointment so I will arrange that. He called me when I was out and he said "I think you should get rid of the baby as it will never know its dad" so I said that wasn't a choice he had to make and that there was no way I would ever get rid of our baby. I then said he made the choice to move out and I didn't ask him to and he said "no it was you too, you are annoying ever morning" I explained that that didn't mean I asked him to move out he then went into the "well that shows just how much you loved me" and I explained that it had nothing to do with that and that I wasn't going to cry and beg like before and that he had no right to make me feel guilty for not doing it. I hope I said all the right things I knew he would try and make it out like I was leaving him, but I explained that I was just doing what I needed to do by getting advice on what to do next as I can't expect to live for free.
Any body need a lodger lol? I'm house trained and I'm only have one baby (no multiples I promise) not really sure why I'm making jokes ha! think it might be a new way of dealing with it.
caz I dont beleive it? what is he playing at? he is trying to control you and play mind games. Let him go. You need to go down to your local council office / or log onto their website, get registered with them, along with all the housing ass. in your area. You will move up the que by been pregnant. Sorry I didnt respond yesterday but I had the midwife etc and went shopping. anything I can help with just let me know. Lottie x
He has just text ne saying he wants to talk about it tonight - I have said I am willing to provided he we do it like adults and there is no name calling and agression. He asked me if I wanted him to leave and I said I wasn't going to answer that question as I wasn't going to be pulled in to playing games I said he was short tempered and rude and like I had suggested before perhaps we should try and get some help either on his own or for both of us, but that he had been unwilling to do that which gave the impression he did not want to work for our relationship therefore I was not going to stop him leaving.
Did I do the right thing?
Thanks lee, Just chuck all the men out lol they are more hassle than they are worth.
I have the money saved up so I could pay my years council tax and 6 months rent up front therefore giving me time to work and save for the next 6 months, I will not leave the flat if he wants to leave that is his choice, I do love him and will only be willing to do anything about the situation if he agrees to get help either that or he moves out and maybe we work on our relationship whilst living apart. He has just text again asking if I wanted to split up and I said we could talk tonight as long as there was no arguing and insult throwing.
Hey Caz Hope u dont mind me jumping in here, i dont know what had happened from the start but i agree with some of them what they are saying about keeping the record of his behavour, i have been there myself with abused and my ex beating me up, there is nothing i can advice u on as u have done all of them in right way but one advice i can give u is contact the police as well and let them know all about it as u have the right to do so!!
I know its may seems to be wasting their time but u have an unborn child and u are on ur own too, and they can put u at risk on the computer incase ur husband had done something and they can install panic button just in case u do need them.... Its may never happen but just to be safe
One thing that had me puzzled by it is, was he over the moon when u first found out that u was pg? if so its sounds like hes afraid of committing to the baby and hes used to having u to himself???, maybe i am wrong here but its sounds like hes jealous of u as some men do come across that!
If u need any help or anything just holler heres my msn address its cheriste1@hotmail.co.uk
I am on my email most of the day so email anytime!!!
Lots of love and thoughts Carly 39 + 4 xxxxxxxxxxx
i think hes said enough. i'd tell him that he needs to move out and give you some space. he is playing games trying to make you beg him to stay. he had no real intentions of moving out and has changed his tune pretty quick hasnt he ? men are so infuriating lol its hard but tell him to sling his hook CazA. he just told you to get rid of your child, hurtful and unforgivable, get your landlord to change the locks i think cos he'll only be at it again next week
I cant get over what he is doing, he is just been like my x in the mind games area. I would tell him that you will talk but he is not staying with you tonight. He is been a shit. I might have over stepped the mark by saying that but I have been there. Sorry if it does offend you.
I tries to push all my buttons to see how I will react, I know him better than anyone and every time he has done this I have fallen and begged him to stay and cried etc, But this time I have gone along with it and that is why he is changing his tune because he thinking "shit she actually means it".
I will sit and talk with him tonight though as something needs to be done, if not for me then for our baby as I want our child to have a good daddy, I know he would be a good daddy but he can't expect a baby to deal with his mood swings and if he behaves like it infront of the baby I will not accept it.
I hope and pray he agrees to get help tonight or else I see no future for us and that makes me so sad I know what a loving person he can be and i just wish he was like it all the time.
It doesn't offend me at all I need all the advice I can get and believe me if I didn't have you guys to help the situation would probably be a lot worse than it is now, I imagine I would be begging him to stay etc.
He can still stay at his friends house tonight but we will talk. Why is it just when you think everything is going ok reality always comes and smacks you back in the face.
Caz, please let someone you trust and who is physically near to your flat know what time he is coming round, and that if they get a call from you, you might need them straightaway. Also, if it's a missed call they should call the police as an emergency.
I know this sounds like a bit of a reaction, but he has mentioned killing you, terminating your child, and now you're meeting him alone? I can only say that you're braver than I would be. Just because you love him doesn't make him a safe person right now.
Good luck hun - he sounds like a grade A nightmare right now, irrespective of how nice he is when he's not in this state. Take care xx
he is playing the same games as lex did. Let him come round and speak, you hold back as much as you can. But make him stay at his friends house. he is insecure and jelious of the baby and he will feel that it will have your attention and he willnt. Time to grow up boys. Why does he say you are in a mood on a morning when it seams it is he who is the moody one in the mornings? you should point out that when you get out of bed its two of you.
I don't believe he would actually kill me and I think he says the things he says because he doesn't think there is anything wrong with it, it is all very bizarre I will let my parents know he is coming round but I know that if he gets angry he will just walk out the house which is fine as then I will put the padlock on and be done with it.
I'm not really scared of him i;m more scared of the outcome of the situation, he has never been violent towards me although he has been violenbt towards other men. I don't want to sound like one of those weak women who stands up for her unreasonable man and for you all to think I'm stupid. Maybe I just want to help him, even if he does leave me, I would like him to be able to get into another relationship and treat someone properly and also have a decent relationship with our child.
I will point out that he is the one who is moody he doesn't seem to see it. Perhaps he thinks women are below men, so of the things he says about the girls at his work are awful, he calls them the worst names but then says things to me like "one of the girls at work winked at me today" I'm not a jealous person so it doesn't bother me, but it seems to me that him and his work friends think that women are objects.
I am willing to work on our marriage but only under my terms I must try not to let my guard down and make him think that he can get away with it.
Caz, You stick to your guns. You're not weak and you are doing everything that you can to sort "his" mess out. If I didnt respond to one of my ex's text messages within 10 mins of him sending it when we were first together he would play these kind of games with me, saying to me I might be out with someone else, how he didnt trust me, he has always said to me that his ex's where better at sex than me etc, one day I turned round and said "so go back to them then". it only stopped him for a few days then he would start again. You might be able to get help paying your rent and council tax if you are on your own. I was scared to death about been on my own but with the help of my friends, its the best way for me, might not be for you. But I couldnt put lo through all of mine and his crap.
Awk Caz this just doesn't seem to be going good for you at all! Oldermum is right, I think your hubby has some deep rooted problems & that's the reason he's behaving the way he is.
In my opinion no matter what you do or say it's not going to be the right or wrong thing in his eyes so just do whatever is going to be best for you & the little one.
As you say things don't always work out the way we want or expect them to but i'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason so perservere & one day it might all become clear. All the best of luck with this situation missus xox
Replies
I am going to go to cab now so I will message when I get back to let you know how it goes.
You havent got to go through this alone ok
I have been down to cab but they are busy and have told me to book an appointment so I will arrange that. He called me when I was out and he said "I think you should get rid of the baby as it will never know its dad" so I said that wasn't a choice he had to make and that there was no way I would ever get rid of our baby. I then said he made the choice to move out and I didn't ask him to and he said "no it was you too, you are annoying ever morning" I explained that that didn't mean I asked him to move out he then went into the "well that shows just how much you loved me" and I explained that it had nothing to do with that and that I wasn't going to cry and beg like before and that he had no right to make me feel guilty for not doing it. I hope I said all the right things I knew he would try and make it out like I was leaving him, but I explained that I was just doing what I needed to do by getting advice on what to do next as I can't expect to live for free.
Any body need a lodger lol? I'm house trained and I'm only have one baby (no multiples I promise) not really sure why I'm making jokes ha! think it might be a new way of dealing with it.
C
xx
I dont beleive it? what is he playing at? he is trying to control you and play mind games. Let him go.
You need to go down to your local council office / or log onto their website, get registered with them, along with all the housing ass. in your area. You will move up the que by been pregnant.
Sorry I didnt respond yesterday but I had the midwife etc and went shopping. anything I can help with just let me know.
Lottie x
Did I do the right thing?
Thanks lee, Just chuck all the men out lol they are more hassle than they are worth.
C
I have the money saved up so I could pay my years council tax and 6 months rent up front therefore giving me time to work and save for the next 6 months, I will not leave the flat if he wants to leave that is his choice, I do love him and will only be willing to do anything about the situation if he agrees to get help either that or he moves out and maybe we work on our relationship whilst living apart. He has just text again asking if I wanted to split up and I said we could talk tonight as long as there was no arguing and insult throwing.
C
xx
Hope u dont mind me jumping in here, i dont know what had happened from the start but i agree with some of them what they are saying about keeping the record of his behavour, i have been there myself with abused and my ex beating me up, there is nothing i can advice u on as u have done all of them in right way but one advice i can give u is contact the police as well and let them know all about it as u have the right to do so!!
I know its may seems to be wasting their time but u have an unborn child and u are on ur own too, and they can put u at risk on the computer incase ur husband had done something and they can install panic button just in case u do need them.... Its may never happen but just to be safe
One thing that had me puzzled by it is, was he over the moon when u first found out that u was pg? if so its sounds like hes afraid of committing to the baby and hes used to having u to himself???, maybe i am wrong here but its sounds like hes jealous of u as some men do come across that!
If u need any help or anything just holler heres my msn address its cheriste1@hotmail.co.uk
I am on my email most of the day so email anytime!!!
Lots of love and thoughts
Carly 39 + 4 xxxxxxxxxxx
I will sit and talk with him tonight though as something needs to be done, if not for me then for our baby as I want our child to have a good daddy, I know he would be a good daddy but he can't expect a baby to deal with his mood swings and if he behaves like it infront of the baby I will not accept it.
I hope and pray he agrees to get help tonight or else I see no future for us and that makes me so sad I know what a loving person he can be and i just wish he was like it all the time.
C
xx
He can still stay at his friends house tonight but we will talk. Why is it just when you think everything is going ok reality always comes and smacks you back in the face.
C
xx
I know this sounds like a bit of a reaction, but he has mentioned killing you, terminating your child, and now you're meeting him alone? I can only say that you're braver than I would be. Just because you love him doesn't make him a safe person right now.
Good luck hun - he sounds like a grade A nightmare right now, irrespective of how nice he is when he's not in this state. Take care xx
he is insecure and jelious of the baby and he will feel that it will have your attention and he willnt. Time to grow up boys.
Why does he say you are in a mood on a morning when it seams it is he who is the moody one in the mornings? you should point out that when you get out of bed its two of you.
I'm not really scared of him i;m more scared of the outcome of the situation, he has never been violent towards me although he has been violenbt towards other men. I don't want to sound like one of those weak women who stands up for her unreasonable man and for you all to think I'm stupid. Maybe I just want to help him, even if he does leave me, I would like him to be able to get into another relationship and treat someone properly and also have a decent relationship with our child.
C
I am willing to work on our marriage but only under my terms I must try not to let my guard down and make him think that he can get away with it.
C
xx
You stick to your guns. You're not weak and you are doing everything that you can to sort "his" mess out.
If I didnt respond to one of my ex's text messages within 10 mins of him sending it when we were first together he would play these kind of games with me, saying to me I might be out with someone else, how he didnt trust me, he has always said to me that his ex's where better at sex than me etc, one day I turned round and said "so go back to them then". it only stopped him for a few days then he would start again.
You might be able to get help paying your rent and council tax if you are on your own. I was scared to death about been on my own but with the help of my friends, its the best way for me, might not be for you. But I couldnt put lo through all of mine and his crap.
In my opinion no matter what you do or say it's not going to be the right or wrong thing in his eyes so just do whatever is going to be best for you & the little one.
As you say things don't always work out the way we want or expect them to but i'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason so perservere & one day it might all become clear.
All the best of luck with this situation missus xox
I will try and deal with it the best I can and do what is best for my family, but i will kepp you all updated on what happens.
C
xx