OH doesnt like family

I know this isnt really pregnancy related but its worring me now.
A few months ago me and oh had a few difficulties and at one point it looked like we were going to split up, I think it was a mixture of hormones and him being worried about what was happening ect.
He has changed a lot for me and baby and he is risking a lot as well, we havent been together that long and bump wasnt planned and although we're both thrilled about him coming-its also quite scary. I was getting worried because things werent getting sorted and OH had his own worries, his mums not very well, plus he's risking quite a lot, well he thinks he's risking more then he is to be honest, its his house-I dont own much worth anything to be honest, so if it all went wrong it would be him who lost out, although I wouldnt expect anything off him-Id want him to see the baby if he wanted but I wouldnt try to get anything out of him which wasnt fair and which we didnt agree on.
Anyway-family helped out over this time and obviously got to hear all the gory details of what was going on as I was getting very upset,
But now we seem to have everything sorted and we're both happy. Well if anything its me who feels less secure now then him, but we're both happy together and are getting things sorted out.
The only thing is I have a very close family, we went to a little suprise party for my brother last week and OH said how he understood why I didnt want him involved in my family, its not that he doesnt like them but that they dont really care about whats going on unless its in their little circle. He said how it was only me and to some degree my sister who tried to get him involved at all.
I dont think its like that at all though, I mean yes we are close and when we all get together I can understand how it might be a little daugnting for someone else to come in, we're mainly female (well to be honest the only males there were my 15 year old brother, my oh and my 6 week old niece) and we all look kinda similar as well.
I just dont know what else I can do to make him feel more accepted, theres a big age differnce between us and sometimes I feel like he's asking for too much. He accused me of pushing him out of the whole baby thing-my mum came to our first scan with us, but I asked him if that was ok before I asked her to come along, he's gone to all my midwife appointments and I ask his opinion on everything big wize-like the cot and pram and his responce is always the same..''whatever you want as long as it works and babies healthy''
He really got to me at one point because Id asked my mum to be my second Birth partner without asking him if that was ok first and he went on about how it would make him uncomfortable, so now my mums not gunna be there-but she'll probably drive us there and back. But I still think he was out of order with that, maybe I should have asked him first-but I dont think im being too selfish in thinking about what makes me more comfortable during the labour rather then what makes him more comfortable.

Im just not sure at times if there is anything I can do, or if he's just looking for things that are wrong :\?

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  • Thanks hun, your right with that as well, I just didnt really think at the time. But he is great, he's given up smoking, well in a fashion image he gave up but he's taken it up again, although I cant complain he never smokes in the house anymore and says he'll quit again. Im not going to push him into that because its his choice and as long as he doesnt smoke around the baby or baby things then I really dont think I have a right to moan...just stopping smoking in the house is a huge thing considering he's been doing it for the past 7 years. (and probably before that-this is just in this house)
    I am lucky to have him, I suppose I just get a bit...I dunno-overwhelmed at times. Maybe its be expecting too much, as long as him and my family dont argue Im quite lucky in some respects.
    Thanks again image

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  • Perhaps he feels at a disadvantage with your family as he knows how close you all are, he knows they'll have views on the rocky times you've had. You told them what was going on and they supported you at a time when he wasn't there for you.

    Sounds like this could be time for a fresh start and for him to know you're a partnership now. I do agree with Tallkatie in that who's there at the birth is really for both of you to decide. If you don't think you can rely on him to support you then bring your mum, but this is the message he'll be taking from your mum coming. Also, did you see that Dawn Has a Baby programme? The OH and mum were both birthpartners, and the bloke was completely out of the picture. Your mum will take the dominant role if she's there because she's been through it before and most men wouldn't want to interfere in those circumstances.

    You say you don't think you have a right to moan about things and you're lucky to have him - that he's taking all the risks. I don't really understand this if you're going to be in an equal partnership raising your lovely baby together. Talk with him and agree what you can expect of eachother - it's only fair that he knows what you're trusting him to do and vice versa.

    I hope it works out for you honey, and sorry to ramble on. I know how it is a bit as I went through a very wavery patch with my OH when he was still my boyfriend. It was only through us agreeing to New Rules of trust & responsibility that we carried on but we're so much stronger now and I wouldn't have it any other way.

    Take care xx

    PS - I also told my family that we were going to have a bash at mending things and so they wouldn't hear any more about my problems for a while cos we'd be working on them togetherimage
  • Thanks again-you've really cheered me up. Its nice to get an unbiased opinion on it to be honest.

    Im sorry to hear about that, but Im glad your happy together still-thats really sweet. Good luck with lo, xxxxxxxxxxx

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  • Thankyou, we have been trying that-we started a new and were getting on great and we still are-I just got a little upset by what he said about my family....but then again I suppose if I were in his position I would have felt the same, I love my family to bits and Im glad we're close but at times they can be a pain and it would be difficult trying to break in, but me and my sister did try (well my sister was quite happy because he was helping with the baby to be honest)
    Its just things I didnt think about before-he doesnt drive, but he seemed a lot happier when I let him go off the other week to pick up the market shop, moses basket, play gym, stand for the basket and bouncy chair on his own rather then asking my mum to help by driving.
    He said it was the first time he felt involved and I felt awful then, I havent meant to push him out-but I suppose from his point of view thats what Ive been doing.

    He's designing the nursery anyway-doing a good job actually, we're both painting it together but he has some good ideas (only thing that worries me is he's relaying on me being artistic for some reason...he obviously hasnt seen my attempts at art image
  • He sounds a sweetheart! Your family will let him in once they see he won't hurt you again, won't they? He'd understand as I bet he'll be just as protective over your little one!
  • Yeah-they'll have to anyway-wont have much choice.

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