To find out or not to find out?

Hi everyone
I was just wondering how many of you are finding out what your having? Me and my husband are really un-decided! I found out with my first, they said I was having a boy so I was very surprised but delighted when I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl! But now I'm unsure if I want to find out what we're having this time? In a way I want to because I can pick a name and clothes etc and start bonding before lo's even here! But in another way it kind of feels like opening your presents before chirstmas. Has anyone found out and then really regretted it or found that its been really nice to know and start to get to know that little person before he or she makes an apperance?


  • Hiya we didnt find out first time and are not finding out this time, its so emotional at the birth when they say you have a beautiful baby ... prob my fave part!

    Obviously yours prob wasnt so much emotional as ruddy confussed when you thought you were having a boy. Talk about shocker!
  • i dont know if i want to find out this time as may have to have a c-section so will know the date my baby will be born so want to keep somethings a suprise but my hubby said he realy wants to find out so not sure what were doing yet xx
  • My husband really is really unsure as well. I do because I think it'll be so nice for this little baby to already mean so much to us, plus we can choose lovely clothes and paint his or her room etc. My daughter is 4 now and I wonder if it will help her adjust as well if she gets to help pick the name and everything? I'm really worried about her adjusting to it because my husband isnt her bio logical dad but has known her since she was 18 months and loves her like his own, but I'm scared when he has is own will he love her as much?
    It was a bit of a shock but I was so happy because even though I didnt want to admit it when I was told I was having a boy, I desperatly wanted a girl!
  • Its a tough one and there are lots of opinions on it! I personally don't think the 'bonding' consideration is not a valid one. We have decided not to find out and can honestly say it does not effect how we have bonded with this baby. We have given him/her a pet name which all my friends use instead of baby! We love this baby heart and soul blue or pink! As for outfits - there are beautiful neutral colours and to be honest my husband has said if I want pink or blue to he will get something before I come home. This is my first baby and I am hoping not my last so the things I buy and the way we decorate the nursery has been done to be able to use again if no.2 is not the same colour!

    I also understand why so many people want to know - for me its about the surprise at the end!

  • My husband always said he didn't want to find out but after our 20 week scan (at which we don't get to find out) he decided that he wanted to know as much about our baby as soon as possible! So I seized on his moment of weakness and we booked a private gender scan!

    We don't regret finding out at all. The only thing that concerned me was the chance of them getting it wrong (as you experienced carlybarley!) but we were told it's 97% accurate when we had it at 22 weeks. And when we saw the scan we were 100% certain it's a boy!

    I agree with you vodkasis that the bonding thing isn't such a huge issue. My sil told me she found out the sex of her kids to help bonding and at that time we had decided not to know. I felt like she was suggesting that I would miss out on a bonding experience by not knowing. I don't think that's true to be honest. Of course you can still bond perfectly well without knowing the sex. I can still barely get my head around the fact there's a baby in there at all!

    It's an entirely personal choice and whatever you do is the right thing for you. Listen to others opinions and choose whatever makes sense to you. Do you want the surprise at the birth? Do you want to know so you can prepare? Do you think for you it will help with bonding? Or are you just too impatient to wait?! I was the latter!

    Sonia x
  • Well, we have decided not to find out. It is our 1st baby and we are both so in love with it already that I don't think finding out could make us bond with baby even more.
    I could possibly be persuaded to find out as OH is vetoing every baby name I come up with. At least if we knew the sex I could concentrate on only one list and not 2. But he is adamant that he wants the sex to be a surprise. I think for him he feels quite left out of the whole pregnancy bit so far and it's all happening to me. So I don't mind waiting for it to be a surprise if that's his preference.
    Carly - I bet R would be horrified if he thought you were worried about him not loving A as much as the new baby. Wouldn't he ?? From what I know about you and him I don't think you have anything to worry about and I'm sure he will continue to be a doting dad to both children.
    Suz xx
  • Hi

    We decided to find out with both of ours, we have got a son and a daughter on the way. I know alot of people choose not to find out but for us it just made it more personal. I absolutely loved it when i was in labour and his dad kept saying "im going to have a son on a minute" and it made me laugh when he shouted at top note, that he could see his head!

    I didnt mind what the sex was with either pregnancy, i just liked being able to say he or she rather than it. Thats just my choice though, My mother in law is totally against finding out.
  • I don't want to find out but my oh does, but because he would not be able to keep the sex of the baby to himself (he would shout if from the roof tops) we have agreed not to find out this time but to find out the 2nd one.
  • Hi all
    We decided not to find out, as I really wanted to keep it a surprise. My DH wanted to know first of all, but is now really really glad we didn't!
    Sarah xx
  • I dont want to find out but my oh did - I think he has decided not to now though. I saw another thread where people were talking about regretting not finding out so we thought we might ask the sonographer to write it down and seal it in an envelope for us if we regret it later on!
    Covering all angles, lol
  • Hiya,

    Its only a decision you can make. With my previous 2 (boys) I wasnt allowed to find out so this time (am now 200 miles away) I decided to. In a way I really am glad I did because I was totally convinced I finally had a little girl and it was a huge suprise to find it was another boy. I have been upset about it as I really did want a girl this time and like you, my OH has taken on my youngest as his own and I was concerned that now he has a boy of his own it would change their relationship! He is close to my other son as well but he is nearly 15 so they're more mates than anything! He promises faithfully that it hasnt/wont as he loves my boy but...

    Anyway, another reason which makes me happy to have found out is that my 6 yr old would not entertain the idea is might be a sister! He now takes a lot more interest in mummys bump now he knows he has a fellow crocodile hunter arriving to help cause trouble lol

    I have now adjusted and really cant wait for my little boy to get here!
  • Lol I'm still as undecided as before! I personally love the idea of being surprised at the birth but I just cant help wondering if I should find out! I know what your saying about the bonding, its just my best friend had a little boy when I had abby and she had given him a name and said she already felt like she had bonded with him, and it took me about 6 months to finally bond with abby so I wondered if knowing might help, but then again they could just get it wrong again! I'm thinking of just not finding out and keeping it as a surprise, but if we did find out I wouldnt want to tell anyone else but I'm not sure we could just keep it to ourselves!

    Suz, I know what you mean. Rob adores Abby and I know he always will, I'm just over thinking things and worrying but I know that his feelings towards her wont change.
  • As I said - I never found out with my other 2 and have with this one but I dont for 1 second think I have bonded with any of them any different! I must admit I am enjoying buying special "boy" bits before hes born but I would have done that anyway after hes born!

    It is a tough one - you only get 1 opportunity (unless you book a sexing scan after of course lol). There even if you do decide not to at the 20wk scan you can always have a private one done if you change your mind! And not sure but I think they are A LOT clearer so no mistakes can be made!

    Not much help am I babe - sorry!!!!

    Love Lee
  • i didn't want to find out, but oh did. when we had the scan i realised i HAD to know. when they told us it was a boy i burst into tears and said we're having a Jack (the only boys name we chose) it was so special being able to talk to him and everyone asked how jack was, rather than the baby. when he was born i already knew him, if that makes sense. but it's personal choice...
  • We found out with all of ours - mainly because I'm a nosy wotsit and had to know!!!! lol

    However, with babes 1 & 2, prior to sexing scan, I could only come up with girls names and they were both girls. With babes 3 & 4, I had boys names and struggled with girls - they were both boys!! Weird huh?

    Anyway, just found out I'm expecting again - only 5 weeks gone but we're chuffed to bits and lo-n-behold, we have a girls name already in place...........only 15 weeks(ish) to wait to see if I'm right again!!
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