Am I being unreasonable and why am I on such a downer

Please someone tell me if i need a slap and am being unreasonable. Will try to keep this short. When DH and I got married just over 12 months ago we found that the lead up to our wedding his family didnt show a lot of interest. Now I am 23 weeks pregnant I found his mum to be very supportive towards the beginning but not since my 12 week scan. I have no family over here so only have DH and his family. This is our first baby. When I had my 20 week scan not one of his family remembered or bothered to call us. I was really hurt.
My sister in law has been pregnant and is actually due her baby today. When she had her various scans we always kept in touch ringing to see how they went and to wish her well before etc. Well as none of them could be bothered to remember for us I have just taken a back seat with his family and dont bother email/txting/calling as I never get the same courtesous response.
Last night my father in law rang my DH to remind him his sister was going in for her section today. My DH has a bit miffed as he had called her over the weekend to wish her well and see how she was and she had not forgotten.
I feel really upset because it feels as though its OK for them to forget our important scan but when it comes to his sister we must all bow to her.
Maybe I am just being really hormonal, but instead of feeling happy about the new arrival today I feel really resentful and angry image


  • i can see why you're upset, but having a scan is very different to having a baby! i am sure when you have the baby they will be wishing you well, and you'll be back on here trying to stop them irritating you by showing too much interest.
  • Please don't take my reply the wrong way - hormones can be a killer and can make you think irrationally at the best of times.
    Up until 12 weeks of pregnancy it is all new and exciting and the novelty can soon wear off but that does not mean people don't care or not interested.
    Communication is a 2 way thing and shutting yourself off only makes things worse.
    Your scan was important to you (as it is for us all) but maybe they were waiting to hear from you - thats what my family do.
    I don't think they are bowing to your SIL at all - she is having a baby today - that is a big deal, massive in fact and you shouldn't be feeling angry about it. Like the previous post says: having the baby is very different to a scan. How would you feel if this was the other way round?
    You really need to sit and read your post again and try and think rationally about it all.
    Maybe it's just all been blown out of proportion.
    Why don't you call your mum and talk to her - is this resentment more to do with the fact that your family isn't close by to support you and share this with you?
    I'm sorry if my reply comes across harsh, I don't mean it too.
    All the best, xx

    [Modified by: wildthing on August 23, 2010 01:25 PM]

  • Damn BE ate my first reply!! Grrr!

    I don't think you are being unreasonable hun, but you may be being a bit over sensitive? Which is normal and not a crime! I get upset about all sorts of silly things! image

    Try not to compare to your SIL. She is their actual daughter and they are bound to be pre-occupied with the new arrival due any minute! When your EDD gets nearer I bet they are just as interested in you and your baby.

    You are obviously missing you family, especially as this is your first baby. Are they overseas?

    Try and think positive. You have a SIL with whom you can swap baby tips and the cousins (your babies) could be really close little play mates!!

    Sending lots of hugs xxx
  • i agree with calleigh a scan is way different to going in and having a major operation to deliver a baby!
    I have had similar experiences in that mybest friend totally forgot that i had my 20 week scan the other day but i knew she had much more important things on her mind as she has been going through IVF and was waiting to test to see if it had worked.....Everyone has there own milestones and important things going on in their life but it doent mean they dont care about you or whats happening in your life.
    Dont let Pg hormones put a rift between you and family members for no real reason, there will be times when they will be invaluable to you

  • I guess the general concensus is that im being very hormonal. A couple of additional things to add my father passed away 6 years ago, my mother I am not close to and lives in Australia with my only brother (whom i do get along with) the point of my post was not that I think my scan is more important than her having a c-section today but just that my scan (which was nearly 1 month ago) was overlooked when she had her scans a big fuss was always made but not for us. DH dad rang my husband to ensure he had spoken to his sister even though he had already rang her just a day or two earlier to wish her well for today. Im upset because no one gave me a call when we had our scan or offered us any support even though they knew when it was and given the fact this baby will have no other family nearby their is a distinct lack of interest from my husbands side. Still if you all think its hormonal i'll talk to husband tonight see what he thinks and maybe just take a few deep breaths.
  • yes it is hormones, honestly! if it wanst you'd realise that really it is your place to call people to tell them about your scan. the additional things dont really make a difference tbh, although it must be very difficult for you. i mean if your chose to live away from your family you have to accept that they are not going to be there when you want them there. i dont want to upset you, but you are being unreasonable (not jsut with your inlaws but by asking for advice then arguing when it's not what you want to hear) and to bring your husband into this and make him feel bad about his family is not the way to go.

    so go for the deep breaths.
  • I agree with the other girls.
    I remember your post about your scan last month and I think that for your own sanity you need to take those breaths and let it go - it's not good for you to harbour resentment like that.
    Scans really aren't that big a deal for anyone other than the baby's parents. I'm sure you'll find the in laws all make a huge fuss of your baby once he's actually here.
  • ok thanks 4 your comments
  • Hi all you need to remember is slong as you and your oh want this baby and are excited thats all that matters. At the end of the day they will be involved as much as they want in the end but it is different once baby is here, all the attention will be with your sil at the min as she is further along but if they are like this with her then they should be for your oh also. I think maybe let this one go and if your oh has a problem with it then let him have that discussion with them. You should be enjoying this part of it now and when baby arrives then everyone else can join in too. Good luck and hope you feel better soon xxx
  • Hi. Hormones can make this feel worse. Some people just cant see past the end of their noses. I used to argue with hubby over his family, then you realise its not important. Whats important is you, your hubby and your bumpimage It must be hard on ur own but try not to read too much into how the oh family are, sometimes you cant understand or change people, but you can except its their loss. I dont think u need a slap but a hug, heres a huge one 4 u. Try not to worry and concentrate on ur family to be xxxxx
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