First baby, relationship changes...

I'm coming up to 35 weeks this weekend. I feel great, and look exactly the same as I did before getting pregnant (from the back ha ha), I haven't really put any weight on anywhere but bump.

My problem is that I feel like my oh treats me differently now. He doesn't look at me anymore like I excite him or that he fancies me. He totally sees me housewifey and mumsy - which I wouldn't really mind if I didn't fancy the pants off him. I have mentioned this to him and his answer was 'well you are having a baby love.' er, yeah thanks for the reassurance!

I think the big thing is that we haven't been 'intimate' for a few weeks. My sex drive is usually really high and now its just ok, although I am very very self-conscious of my bump. I think he gets puts off with the fact that baby moves all the time (and it does put me off in a way too).

Don't really know what I'm looking for people to say, just needed to write it down and 'talk about it' with someone. Not really the conversation I want to have at work either. Just feeling a bit down today x


  • Hello image

    Im having the same sort of problem. Im nearly 28 weeks and have a big bump but not put any weight on anywhere else.

    I cant remember the last time we had sex and i enjoyed it to be honest coz i cant relax.

    I dont think he sees me like "that" anymore which i kinda dont mind because i dont feel the need to be sexy, something im having real trouble with at the mo.

    I know my situation is a bit different to urs, just wanted to say i sympathise
  • Hey hun,

    Sorry you are feeling down but I completely understand where you are coming from. I know my husband loves me but I don't feel like he wants me like he used to. He is very protective over me which is nice but there is def no raw passion at the moment. He is so frickin' hot and I feel like a house, he still says he fancies me etc but never makes a move on me either.

    I think they find it just as hard to deal with our body changes as we do, it's not that they don't love us and don't want us, they just seem to see us as the woman carrying their baby rather than their sexy yummy wife.

    Have you sat down and told him exactly how you feel?

  • I know he loves me and he is super affectionate with hugs and kisses and yeah I've told him, but I don't think he gets it - poor sod. He's perfect apart from that passion has fizzled, and he tells me I'm gorgeous etc... but like Caz's oh never makes a bloody move! - we'll get it back though, I'm sure xx
  • I hear you ladies!! I know oh still loves me, in fact, feel like he loves me even more now, but the dynamics have changed!
    Sex has been a struggle since I started getting bigger and lo became more active. Oh was freaked out to start with and now I am too big and uncomfortable to feel in the slightest bit sexy! Many a night I have cried in bed cos oh doesn't want to get jiggy with me - a needy whiny female, what could be sexier to oh?!
    I think this is one of the reasons why I am hating being pregnant, that I'm used to looking good, feeling sexy and attractive (if you get my drift) and having quite a lot of good sex with my oh, and now that is non existent!!
    I am keeping my fingers crossed that things will get back to some sense of normality after lo is here, my body gets over the birth, and I can start running again, so can get my self confidence back!!

    Crazy isn't it, we were at it like bunnies ttc and now, it's the exact opposite!!
    Oh well 36 days to go.
    Of course, then there is the 6 weeks of post natal bleeding and the constant bf and nappy changing. Now whos talking sexy??

    Mel x
  • As much as it's a life changing experience for us, it is for them too. Afterall, we're doing something they cud never dream of - giving life!! My dh never really changed towards me but did say how amazed he was all the time etc and that he was constantly at a loss if I was in pain or discomfort coz he couldn't really help me and that was hard on him. I'm lucky, as we do talk about everything but it could be something as simple as that - just not knowing how to help etc, and the fact that u r no longer just the 'sex thing' in his life (sorry) but also the mother of his child as well. I know, doesn't help in the slightest when on that rare occasion ur 'up for it' but hopefully it won't last - we've always got back to more intimate stuf around 4-6 weeks after the birth, can't be that bad either as we're on baby no5 image;10053;104/st/20081122/dt/-3/k/a539/preg.png

  • hello all,

    Im not in the same situation as oh has a high sex drive so i have managed to (not sure how in the 2nd trimester) have sex about 1 a week, even if i didnt feel up to it. The reason was because when we got married we agreed that if one of us wanted sex and the other half didnt we would do it anyway. So at first i was reluctant to have sex but oh made me feel guilty as we had the agreement!

    Anyhow getting to the point. now im 34 weeks i dont feel very sexy with my bump. However, it has become somewhat easier as we use an adapted version of the spoon position with a pillow under my stomach. Also with the lights out so i dont feel self conscious of what i look like. I find my lo doesn't move until afterwards so it doesnt freak hubby out! It also destresses us both and lets me have a good nights sleep!

    In the past few weeks he isnt as demanding as he used to be as he knows i get tired during the day. He's been reading posts on hear about ladies not wanting it after labour so I think he must be trying to wean himself of sex slowly! lol

    throughout the whole pregnancy I have let hubby adapt to it himself and do things when he wants when he feels ready which i think has helped.

    I dont think ive really been of any help. for those who havent had sex have you tried talking to him about why he isnt being so active/demanding it? it may be because he thinks he will hurt you etc and might be waiting for you to make the right move. Seeing you havent he might think its because you dont want it which is why hes not making the first move. does that make sense? xxx
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