I hate my husband

Sorry but if I don't let rip I'll probably just sit here crying all day about what a stupid cow I am. I have been married 10 years and regularly think the marriage was a mistake. However because my parents were against it I didn't want to prove them right so tried to make the most of it.

I am 35 weeks pregnant with my third child. I didn't want to have another child but my husband was really pleased and said it was a chance for him to make up for being a crap father to the first 2 children. I told him I couldn't raise another child all on my own with him going off having fun all the time. But he promised to help me.

Well he has been of no help what so ever. At 10 weeks I was hospitalised with heavy bleeding. He said he couldn't visit because he had to work. When I got out I found out he had been away with his football team. He then opened a Pizzeria and said he had to be there every night. However whenever I phoned he was always in the bar with his friends. As well as working long hours I have had to do all the running around with my other 2 children taking them to after school activities. I have asked him countless times to leave but he refuses.

I have been in hospital again with stress which has brought on contractions and the doctor has told him that I have to be calm and rest. On the island we live on there are no facilities for premature births so I have been warned to be very careful. So last night he went out with his friends. I phoned him about 3 am and asked him to come home as I was finding it hard to breathe, I had a terrible headache and severe pains where the c section scars are. So he turned up drunk at 6am, puked all over the setee and carpet and then got the hump when I started screaming at him.

I have asked him to leave so he left but I know he just thinks it is a good excuse to spend the day with his friends (by the way he isn't a kid he is 35 years old). I am still getting tightening and stinging pains but don't want to go to hospital as I have another 10 days work to do which I must finish. Also I haven't got everything ready for the baby.

Sorry this is such a long message. It is just good to get it all out. He says I am crazy and over reacting. Now that I have read it I must admit I am crazy but not like he thinks, crazy for having stayed with him so many years just so my Mum couldn't say told you so.


  • Hey Greek baby, don't stay in an unhappy relationship just because you are too proud to admit it hasn't worked out. It sounds as though your husband is a useless lump and I would have given him a hefty kick up the bum by now!
    You need to get yourself to hospital to get checked out if you are having pains, work can wait. Your health and your babies health is far more important.

    Do you have any friends who can help you out or who you can talk to? I'm sure your mum just cares about you and wants you to be happy so I bet she would only be too pleased to help you if you needed it.

    Maybe you and your husband need some time apart for you both to get your heads around what you want for your future.

    Good luck, I hope you get something sorted and can relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

    Liz xx
  • Ohbabe i dont really have any advise for you but i just wanted to say he sounds a real pig and you deserve better. I have a five week old which i had byc section and had loads of support from family and partner so you must be really struggling. Dont work if you dont have to cant you go on sick or is it different where you live? all i know is that is not worth taking the risk you sound as though you shouldbe resting. PLEASE take care and sometimes mums are right there is no shame in that xxx
  • Oh honey,
    That's really awful. I don't know what to say.

    My boyfriend got pissed last night and threw up everywhere and i was mad as hell at him for that but your problems put that all into perspective. Do you honestly think he will ever change? If the answer is no, perhaps it is time to swallow your pride and go back to your family once the baby is born, is that a possibility at all? Clearly you can't carry on feeling like this and he obviously thinks its acceptable to behave this way and looks like he will continue to do so. Is there anyone is your family or close friends you can talk to? What do they say about the situation now? Sometimes its braver to ask for help when you need it....
  • You have given it a real good go and done great lasting for 10 years. Don't stay in a relationship where you are unhapy because of your mum. I think that you should go to hospital and get checked out because the LO's health is much more important to you i'm sure than work. If you need to talk tehn I have facebook, I am under Steph Munro, Manchester. I am also [email protected] xxxxx
  • you should get a solicitor and divorce him. it sounds like you dont love him anymore. he is no use to you at all. take care xxxxxxxxx
  • Oh hon - things sound terrible, and you sound as though you had made your mind up before this pg in all honesty.

    Have you got any family/friend support on the island? If not, might be worthwhile waiting until you're out of hospital with lo and then booting him out for good (just thinking of the logistics of other kids while you're in etc!)

    Good luck with whatever you decide - things can definitely only get better and you'll probably find things easier on your own without the stress of a completely unsupportive adult.

  • Thanks for replying. It is always easier to talk to strangers. I am going to hospital tomorrow anyway. Only problem is Dr is friends with my husband and just as bad himself. I think I will ask him to try getting through to him. I have spoken to him about it before but he just says my husband is a nice guy but part of his brain is missing.
    My mother in law phoned tonight and told me that if I can't work things out she will move in to help me until after baby is born. She agrees my husband is useless. I don't know though if I can cope with her for 3 weeks.
    Also my husbands cousins who live in the block of flats next door saw me looking sad and have phoned offering help. So hopefully it will all work out well.
    My husband phoned to ask what was wrong with me. I told him to leave me alone for a while and I will phone him when I feel like it. We have two houses so he can go and stay in the other one so has no need to come here.
    Once agin though thanks.
  • Hi Greek Baby

    My mum was right about my son's father, but i he promised he would changed and never did. I wish i had left my ex sooner now living back at my mum's and moving in with my partner to who i am expecting his first baby. Life is better and im glad i got rid of him. Dont be afriad to ask your mum for help, i really wish u well. Think of yourself and ur babies xxxx Take care xxx
  • Aw, you've been having such a tough time this pregnancy, I'm not suprized you hate your husband if he's given you no support. If he stays away for a while it might give you time to think about what's best, you've done well staying with him for so long. There's no shame in admitting if it's over, and your mum might not say told you so.

    Good luck with the final few weeks of the pregnancy and take it easy if you can. Hope you manage to get things sorted.

  • oh hun, i feel so sorry for you...

    my best advice is to divorce this guy.. no matter how stubborn you once were and didn't want to prove your mum right, you have done your best in making the best out of the situation for 10 years and i really think it's time to move on...

    in a situation like this, i don't think your mum would turn round and say "i told you so" she should be supportive of your decision and help you raise your children

    it's not good for you in the long term as you are suffering from stress all the time and i can't imagine the effect it must be having on your 2 children, seeing you so upset
  • hiya sorry just had to add my piece cos it makes me so angry that men do this, they get married and agree to all the commitment that goes with it, get you pregnant and then carry on acting like they have no responsibilities and can do what they like.
    My hubby is guilty of the same and I really sympathise with you...mine is not as bad though, just has a tendancy to disappear up the pub, usually leaving me and our 4 yr old waiting for a lift home or whatever, and will either turn off his phone so i can't reach him or call me and lie, saying he's stuck in traffic or some such crap. Luckily this doesn't happen too often but i have always felt that he wants his cake and to eat it too. Things are ok at the mo but had bad patch couple of weeks ago (he disappeared 2 days in a row, lied about his wherebouts then came home, called me a controlling bitch and slept on the sofa) and sometimes i worry about the effect of it all on our 4 yr old and unborn child. Although i hate doing it cos i am v proud person, i always turn to my mum and call her to have a cry and sometimes go and stay for a day or two. It really helps to have someone give me a little advice, perspective and back up when i need it.
    I'm sorry to ramble on, i know that some situations are worse than mine but i hope things work out xxxxx
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