just had first MW appt - feel deflated!!

Hi girls

Well went for my booking in appt. The midwife said the appt should normally take an hour but would only last 20mins today as she wasn't going to be my permanent mw. That was fine as my proper mw would do a home visit in the next 2weeks. All fine!

so she did the usual bloods, urine sample, note taking, etc... she was very nice and chatty. At the end she asked if i had any worries due to my last mc's, i said i was having lower back pain she said 'sorry sweetie but there's nothing that can be done if your going to mc you will' and then said 'When your proper midwife rings in 2 weeks to do your home visit it might be a very sad time for you' I was thinking huh? then she said 'yes your midwife maybe ringing around the time things go wrong'

Like i said she was very nice but not reassuring at all, im now worried incase im going to mc again or if i've had a missed mc. Feel soooo down now. xx


  • what a daft thing for her to say! when i mc'd i didnt really get too much back pain, it was mostly horrible stomach cramps but with this lo in early pregnancy i had alot of dull back ache but everything was fine. try a warm bath and a lie down with a hot water bottle image
    how many weeks are you now hun?
    shaz xx
  • what a cow! she should be comforting you and reasuring you, not making things harder at a time when even if you haven't mc before your worrying about it!!
  • Backache is perfectly normal babe!

    I know the midwives cant make any promises to you but she should have told you that on the flip side of the "bad" that you can have period type symptoms each time you would have been due on. Am sure I have read on here that some girls even had spotting (I know I did) everytime they should have had a period!

    Am really hoping all will be well for you this time honey xxxxx
  • Thanks girls, Im 8-9 weeks not sure exactly as i fell pg straight after previous mc. If she had of told me the positives to go with the negatives that would be fine but she didn't! Trying to think positive but it's hard. x
  • See - its roughly when you would have been due a period so it is highly likely you will still feel some of the symptoms.
    It was bang out of order of her not to give you the good and bad! Hopefully when you meet your regular midwife she will be much nicer xxxxx
  • aww hun, im sure all will be ok this time you really deserve it. i had dull dragging period like pains and dull back ache up untill 13 weeks and wasnt oftern reassured, and convinced i was going to mc again.
    try not to worry and i know its hard but think positive
    i will for you! lol
    shaz xx
  • Aw hon, take no notice. As someone else said, backache/period symptoms are completely normal at this stage anyway - I certainly had them!

    Keep positive hon - we'll all be sending you +++++vibes your way.

  • What a silly thing for her to say. I've had really bad lower back pain, period type pain and spotting since I fell pregnant and I'm now 21 weeks. Spotting has stopped but still get the lower back pain and period type pain now. I'm sure everything will be ok, hope your proper midwife is a bit more reassuring and tactful.
  • I am going to play devils advocate here.

    I feel quite sorry for midwifes, we all want so much from them as women. I am not by any means saying what she said was right or she was right to say it the way she did, but what we need to try and remember is they see sooo many women, all day every day, each with different concerns and issues. If each midwife spent as long as we wanted them to with us they wouldn't get half the work they have to do done.

    She could have worded what she said differently, and I am quite sure if she was pulled on it she may not even realise what she said tbh.
    She is right about your own MW though.
    When I had my booking in appt, I had some miserable old cow, who stayed 15 mins, asked about my other pregnancies, i told them about Jakes mum having GD her words were "yeah well, won't affect you she isn't your mum"
    Then when I told her about the arthritis she said " yeah well, again something you are just going to have to handle I guess" and left.

  • some people need to seriously address their people skills or find a new job.

    what a cow!!!!!

    don't let her worry you hun, you've always got us lot.

    seriously, make a cuppa, put your feet up and chat away to us, you'll prob get a more sensible conversation.

    i'll keep everything crossed for you as well as me (family history of eptopic and i've had one!)

    i'm sure your 'real' mw will be great

  • Thanks, I think if she'd given me the flip side aswell (the positives!) I don't think i would have worried but now she's planted the seed of doubt. BUT im feeling more positive again today, all pg symptoms are still here and i've got nothing to worry about (touch wood) i.e, no bleeding, etc... so positive thinking!!!
  • That is the key chick... I am sure all will be OK this time.
    write her off as experience is the best way.
  • I don't care if she's your midwife or not she's still a midwife with a duty of care. Too many healthcare professionals give terrible care and nothing is done about it. I had some reallt nasty comments from midwives at the hospital when I was in with hyperemesis - I reported them, it's the only way things will change. Don't be afraid to speak up, what she said was uncalled for, insensitive and unprofessional.
    Fingers crossed the midwife who'll do your visit will be better x
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