My baby's dad.

My baby's dad can't make up his mind whether he wants this baby or not. We both agreed we wanted kids when we first got together 18 months ago. It happened slightly sooner than planned - when the baby's here he'll be 22 and I'll be nearly 20 so we're very young! We were very scared and shocked at first and I thought about having a termination, but really didn't want one even though he pressured me. At 4 weeks pregnant I was getting to love my baby already, plus I do know girls who had abortions and really regretted it - including my stepsister who I have grown up with and am close to - and I really didn't want to regret my decision or feel like I did it for the wrong reason, which I prob would have done.

Anyway...now 14 weeks and SO happy about my baby! I worry about him or her all the time and read anything I can about pregnancy and babies, basically I'm so excited and my parents/ parents 'in-law' are happy toooo.

Only problem is my partner. He considers this baby 'my problem' now because I should have had an abortion and doesn't want to take any responsibility. He told me he was happy about it a few weeks ago and was just a bit stressed and worried about money. Ha. Well now he doesn't want it AT ALL, but doesn't want to break up with me. He's so moody with me and hates it when I mention the baby. He's totally changed to me now I'm pregnant especially now I'm starting to show. Do u think he'll change when the babys born, or when I'm further on? I can understand he's scared, so am I, but I'm not a different person just cos I'm pregnant.

I don't blame any of you if you comment with 'shouldn't have got pregnant in the first place' etc. But accidents happen...and I'm really going to love my baby. Just might add I enjoy reading and replying to all the posts on here, feels nice that we're all in the same boat (kinda) and other mums worry just as much as me! xxxx

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  • Thanks for replying, it means a lot :\) u are another april mum too right?

    I hope he changes his tune but he's got worse lately! I didn't have a first scan as such, instead I had scans at 6 and 9 weeks because of a lot of early bleeding. He came to the one at 9 weeks and it was really good cos we could see the baby's arms and legs and it was moving about a bit. I thought he'd be happy but he was actually upset that the baby was okay and I hadn't miscarried, and admitted as much.xxx
  • At the end of the day you are carrying the baby so it is your choice what to do. However I can understand how he feels as though it is out of his control. However if he wants to stay with you and hasn't walked out yet it is a good sign that he will probably come around. You are both very young but my parents were only 19 when they had my brother and although things were hard they got through it. Now we are like friends with our parents and have a great relationship. If you put this idea to him maybe he might feel better about it. However you should understand there will be times when the baby drives you round the bend and you wonder why you ever had them. But two minutes later they look at you with such love you realise it was all worth it.

    I am also 14 weeks pregnant and had a 3D scan the other day. I was amazed that the baby is completely formed with eyes and everything. Maybe if you took him to a scan he might feel more attatched to the baby and feel more positive.

    But at the end of the day you can't make someone want a baby. Just try to enjoy the pregnancy yourself and hope he will come round slowly.

    Good luck
  • Hi,

    Really sorry to hear he is being like this, it sounds like he needs to grow up and take some responsibility. As you say accidents happen and he was as much a reason for the accident as you. To punish you now by being moody with you for keeping the baby is just horrible, I really hope he gets used to the idea soon as you need support from him. Are you close to your mother or father 'in law'? If so could you possibly have a word with them about this to see if they can point out how selfish he is being?
    It sounds like either you or someone really needs to talk to him, I think if I were you I would probably say to him that as much as you love him it isn't healthy for either of you to be in a relationship like that and unless he can sort his head out and accept what has happened then maybe you should have a break from each other. It may be the wake up call he needs.

    I really hope he sorts his head out soon.

    L xx
  • Hi Hun - What's most important now is you and your baby - he may come round and he may not but I'd prepare yourself for bringing up this baby on your own and prepare for his parents reaction if he doesn't want to be involved. Hope it all works out for you - I really can't understand the attitude of some men - it's not like they have to go through pregancy or child birth - and it's not usually them doing the majority of the caring so it's not affecting them half as much as it's affecting us - I just don't get it!
    Good luck hun, xxx
  • Sorry about your dilemma. Im not in the same boat as you as hubby and i waited 2 yrs for a baby. But im glad you are happy about the baby. Im a great believer in that things happen for a reason, and i think this baby is meant for you.

    I have to say that your OH sounds unsupportive and once the added pressures of being a parent are here will he be worse. If he loved you then he would stand by you what ever you decided. He sounds totally selfish and you seem quite mature, so maybe you are better off without him at least you'l know where you stand and you can focus on the important things- you and your cherub, rather than worrying about his varying feelings.

    Im sure you will make a great mum and make the right decision which ever that may be.
    Hannah
    40 weeks
  • hey tigerl lily, cant believe he is puttingyou through this. its as much his baby as it is yours and at his age he should be more mature. me and my partner will be 22 when baby arrives and i have had a few panic moments but he has been so reassuring. in fact he is pleased that he is going to be a 'young dad'..is that what the issue is?
    i think you shoud ditch him personally, he cant be any good for you or the baby, and as your pregnancy progresses you are going to need someone to be supportive, be excited with you and reassure you. he doesnt sound like he is gonna do that. do what is best for you and your baby.. if he loves you and cares for you he wouldnt do this to you. wishing a miscarriage on you is just awful and i daresay he would have regretted saying that had it happened.
    you seem so mature and lovely, dont let him affect your bond with your baby. baby can still hve both sets of grandparents but neither of you will be good for baby if he is doing this to you.
    hope i havent offended you, but i thinkhe needs a kick up the bum!
    take care
    holly
    34+4 weeks xxx
  • Hi Tiger Lily, Its so good to hear someone young so excited about having a baby. You sound like your going to be a great mum. It can be really frustrating when your partner doesn't seem as excited as you but I think it takes longer for men to come to terms with having a baby. I'm sure he'll soon warm up to the idea and be more excited than you. k x
  • Well if you think your young you should meet my 21 yr old sil who has a 7yr old daughter! i'm 27 and my partners 23 he's more excited about this than i am and is forever hugging and kissing my belly (gets annoying at times he tells me i'm just jealous' lol) you both said you wanted children if he didn't want them that early he should have doubled up on the condoms! its pot luck and you lucked in and its nice to hear enthusiasm at the moment ( i'm getting a lot of negatives about being a mom from my OH's nan and a few others) not much on the positive other than from my mom, I've ALWAYS wanted to be a mom since i was little and was asked what i wanted to be a mommy or a nurse always came up i'm not to academic so i failed at the nurse part just hoping that the mom part i'll do well image Congrats mommy your LO will be just Gorgeous and you'll fall in love and forget the neagtives that your OH is giving you and who know's he may too!
  • Your partner is making a mockery of fatherhood and letting you down in a big way.

    If he doesn't love and accept you BOTH the way you are now, then he's not going to do so when you're bigger or when LO is born. I can't believe he considers the baby to be "your problem" and "hates it" when you mention it - does he think that you'll be able to carry on your relationship as if nothing has happened when the baby's born? Is he really just going to abdicate all responsibilty? Unbelievable.

    If it were me I'd be out of there like a shot - you don't deserve this treatment and your baby doesn't deserve anything less than his/her dad's adoration.

    I'm sorry if I sound harsh - it's not directed at you but at your partner. I'm angry for you - it's immature idiots like this that prevent innocent children from having the secure family life they deserve. All the very best to you whatever you decide; I really hope you have lots of supporting and loving people around you right now.
  • hi tiger lily how are things with you and your partner now? hope your ok?
    xx
  • hi tiger lily how are things with you and your partner now? hope your ok?
    xx
  • Hey everyone, thanks for the comments...well I am staying at my mum's at the moment. I miss him a lot but he just doesn't want a baby. I'm hoping he'll come round...not resigning myself to being a single mum just yet. He now says he doesn't want me to have an abortion as I'd regret it :roll: So I don't know what's happening. Trying to stay calm for my baby but it is hard! xxxx
  • Brodiesmum I think you've got it right there...His friend's girlfriend is 6 months gone but he don't have any friends who are dads already. Im just gonna give him some time - and hope we work out.
  • Hi TigerLily
    it sounds like you are 100% committed to your little one and i'm sure because of this you'll be a great mum. But i think its best that you prepare yourself for bringing the baby up without your partners support. He may or may not come round and i really hope he does but i think everyone has been quite harsh about him.. At the end of the day he has made it clear he didnt want the baby from the start and you chose not to take his wishes into account which is completely your right so if he doesnt come round you'll have to live with that decision. Please dont take this as me taking his side because i'm not - just be prepared and get as much support from your friends and family, thats all i'm trying to say. Good luck hun and take care of you and you LO x
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