Any mums to be with dads to be away a lot?

I'm 24weeks and my OH is in the Army hes based in Wiltshire while i'm in London.
do any of you find it REALLY difficult as i'm really struggling without him here i've never felt so along as i do right now,

All i want to know is how do you keep DTB in the loop as my OH is missing out on EVERYTHING and it really upsetting me :cry:

Posts

  • sorry if this message appears twice have had trouble sending it... my OH half away alot and at momment he away in ireland for a month,,and i know how hard it is,,in fact just been crying while washing up! i didnt feel quite the same before pregnant but now its horrible..i feel we should be 'nesting' together etc and he definately missing out on alot. we speak alot during the day, but only for brief periods and then normally in the eve he tired and we dont speak for that long. it feels impossible to conduct a relationship in this way but there no other option! xx
  • I know how you guys feel too. This year (of all years) oh is away for 24 of 52 weeks! I do feel grateful that he is home for 8 weeks soon, so he will be around for months 4-6 and will thankfully be able to come to the 20wk scan. I did feel sad going to my first 2 scans without him (esp as mum and the family are in New Zealand) but you draw strength, don't you.

    Sometimes, I run out of strength to cope too. The crying while doing housework sounds familiar (too much time to think!)

    I am really enjoying ben and jerry's cookie dough ice cream on the weekends (which are the times that really drag the most) and also having lickle Larry, my cat, helps too.

    Is nice to know there are others in the same boat. Sometimes you feel really alone. Esp on these summer evenings when all the neighbours are out having barbies!!
  • oh and lija, i guess because I am only in early stages, i haven't kept oh much in the loop as to events as mostly i just moan down the phone about how sick i feel...still! like jc3, our phone convos are brief due to intensity of his work at the moment. I think when i am in 3rd trimester and he is away for most of that entire time (and it is winter brrr) I will find it a lot harder. xxx
  • it is so hard, but like you said lizzie nice to know others in same boat as i have been feeling a bit 'woe is me' !!! it does have its advantages ie remote mine,,bed to self with all my cushions....etc..but also as im 34 +6 weeks i cant help but feel a tad nervous he wont be back in time if i go into early labour!! i also find weekends hard..if i wasnt pregant i would be out with friends prob not missing him much at all..it also feels that everywhere i look there are 'normal' couples all perfect etc and i feel alone!!!!!
  • Message withdrawn at poster's request.

  • hi all. my oh has just taken a job working 110 miles away, so is aqway monday to saturday!!! its not too bad, dont get me wrong i do miss him, but im so busy i dont really get to relax til late by the times to go to bed so i just have to deal with going home to the empty house and climbing into an empty bed. lol. and as its not a million miles away, he can come home if i need him too, i just dont want him up and down the m5 4 times a day!
  • It is hard, luckily my oh is based in London and thats where we live but he works long days and is away in August and all of October and im soooo dreading it!! My family all live up north and so does oh's so its just me and its so lonely sometimes and I miss him badly. He will get 2 weeks off after bubs is born but I get upset thinking about him being away and little un not recognising him and stuff!!!!

    x
    6 days!!!
  • hi ladies
    i dh used to be in the army ( came out last year thankfully)
    and was away for the whole 9 months in afghan, i had to tell him over the phone that i was preg, and we hadnt been together long. it was the most hardest thing i have ever ever done i was so worried about him all the time and felt that i couldnt focus on the preg. We were really lucky though as he managed to tie in the 2 scans with his r/r and managed to get home a week before the birth. though it was hard for him cause he felt that he missed the whole preg but luckly he bonded really well with baby.
    we since having evie he felt that he couldnt keep missing out so left army and now has job on oil vessel at sea and goes away for 5 weeks at a time but is home for the next 5 weeks and so on etc.
    im due tomorrow and husband is with me for the next 2 months so thats great , but worry how i will cope with 2 lo's under 2 when he is away and ill have to work.
    Its hard when he is gone for 5weeks as evie does forget him, and wont go near him for a while when he first gets home but this usally lasts about 1/2 hr and then she wont leave him alone.
    xxxx
  • Hi,

    My husband is away in Djibouti, also had to tell him the news on the phone and id always imagined he be with me when i got pregnant and be able to give me a big hug! But he was so excited over the phone i just forgot about it a bit.
    But now, im 13 weeks, im over emotional all the time and sometimes when i speak to him i take it out on him and dont mean to. Its just so hard, going through the pregnancy on my own, all these changes happening to my body and he isnt here to share it or be there for me. I know he is over the phone but its not the same as a hug! He will be here for my 20 week scan which is great because my 12 week scan my mum came and i feel he missed out alot.
    Anyway i know at the end of it all we will be a happy family and he will be home for good before the baby is born. I think we have a strong enough relationship to get through these months of living apart.
  • Yeah I forgot to mention oh in army! it does make you stronger well I think so and time is just more precious when your together.
    Angel Delight - dont worry I was the same and still am on and off its the hormones and I just missed being able to share everything happening, it will be alright though

    xxx
  • hi angel_delight
    if it makes you feel any better, i did that when jon was in afghan and he only had 10min phone card a week! i was all emotional and had ago at him a few times , cant belive i did that!
    im not so emotional this time so maybe im having a boy
    xxxx
  • Jennie&evie wow i'm not sure i would have the strenth to go through my OH being on tour during this pregnancy even with the 3 weeks leave halfway through......... its just not good enough in my eyes (but thats the preg hormons talking)
  • hi lija
    well like i said its the hardest thing ever ! cause you go out of your mind worrying about them, but i kept thinking it could of been so much worse and he could of missed the birth, i think actually we were really lucky, glad he come back in one piece.
    feel sorry for you at least mine is out now.
    i admire these army wives and g/f who are preg and have children.
    xxxxx
  • my oh works away in iraq, i do find it hard that he is not here to share it all with me. he works for 2 months then is home for 1 month and it is constantly like that. feel sad that he isnt going to be here for the dating scan tomoro but i can show him a pic through the lap top. i find it really hard wen im all emotional as i just want him here to cuddle me, i worry alot more wen he is not here too. because i got more alone time to think about things. i also had to tell my oh i was pregnant over the net. i also showed him the test over web cam. do get to chat to him every day but it is hard and does put alot of stress on our relation ship together. well he will be home in 6 weeks so hopefully it will go fast. x
  • Hi

    Oh no, I've got all this to come in about a months time.

    I'm 9+2 with 3rd baby, other 2 are nearly 3 and 7 months, my hubby has just got a new job in Bristol and we live in West Yorks. He'll be down there all week and be back home Friday evening until either Sunday evening or Monday morning before going back down again to start the week all over again.

    I know it's not the end of the world as unlike a lot of you I will get to see him for a couple of days each week but I'm dreading it with 2 children to look after as well as another one on the way.

    I didn't like to tell him before he went for the interview that I didn't want him to go as I thought that would be really selfish as I know it will help him further his career a lot and he's doing it to provide for his family and because he knows I don't want to go back to work.

    I told him about 5 mins after he got the call to offer him the job!! I couldn't help but cry that he'd got it, and not in a good way either!! We talked about it and agreed that he could give it a go and we'd see how it works out.

    I'm really lucky that I get on well with both my family and my in laws and they are no further than 10 mins drive away, they will all help out if I need them (well once I've told them I'm PG that is!)

    The thing that bothers me is not that he'll miss out so much on this pregnancy, we've been through 2 together already and have got those experiences to remember, it's more for selfish reasons that I'll be home with 2 quite young children and getting bigger everyday with the next one, I feel like it will be a massive struggle and one that I might not cope with.

    Am I being weird about it or does anyone think this is normal?

    Kelly x
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