Help! How to involve the MIL??

Hi Ladies,
Hope you are all well! Time is going so fast.
I am worried that BF's Mum is not involved enough in the pregnancy process! It is the first grandchild for both sets of parents and my mum has been fab. Been really supportive, offered to buy us a cotbed, said she will baby sit, change her work around me if i need it etc just been great.

However, I am worried I am leaving MIL out. Obviously I am going to have a closer bond with my mum but MIL doesnt seem too interested and it is still always us popping in, calling etc - I am sure if we didnt make the effort we wouldnt hear from her for weeks on end! She only lives 15 minutes drive away! My BF got upset the other day when i mentioned that my mum was happy to help with childcare - he said 'there is my mum too you know, its not all about your mum!'. But MIL hasnt indicated anything to me about helping, she doesnt even mentioned the baby when we visit!! I dont expect her to offer but then i dont see why my mum should loose out.

What do you girls suggest? anyone having the same problems? I dont know whether to invite MIL and my mum out for lunch - just the 3 of us to bond?? I would invite MIL shopping but i dont think she'd come and wouldnt want her to feel she had to buy anything because thats not the point - i just want everyone to get along!!

Sorry for the long post! Just dont know what to do :cry:
Winnie 28. 18 + 3 xxx


  • hello

    if you want to have a closer relationship with her then maybe take her on a shopping trip for little bits for baby, maybe she doesnt want to seem like shes interfereing and is waiting for you to ask, if this is the case you are a very lucky lady to have such a considerate MIL, however it may be that she just isnt inerested in which case you BF needs to be aware of this as its not your fault,

    just the thought of my MIL, mum and me going out together gives me the creeps :lol:
  • Hi. I have a fairly good relationship with my MIL si it's not so hard for me to speak to her, but i've also been having trouble getting MIL involved as she too doesn't seem overly interested.

    I asked my MIL out shopping for our cot at the weekend and she loved it, though obv. if your mum is buying that for you she'll want to go?!

    I think I would be tempted to have a 'girly' day and invite both mums out shopping for baby things, but I know we all get on....
  • i dont have any advice. just think though. it could be worse. im now 12+4 and still never even met my BFs mum!!!

    [Modified by: Jaynie - Living Dead Girl! on August 24, 2010 11:43 AM]

  • My mil is the opposite to most and is brilliant her only fault is that she hated her interfering mil when she was having her children so is so conscious of not beign one to me to the point that she really backs off sometimes, no matter how much I tell her I like her around and to have her input.

    I always call both her and my mum after appointments, scans etc to let them know what is happening and helps them both feel involve.

    Maybe try this after your next appointment, just call say I thought that you would like to know your grandchild is doing well, heart strong etc what ever you have found out at that appointment.

    Also say you are going shopping for some baby bits and thought that she might like to come along and help you choose. I would do this alone to start with so the 2 of you can bond before you start inviting others.
  • Thanks for the advice ladies! Families are a nightmare arent they!
    After reading all your replies i just bit the bullet and text MIL to see if she wants to go for lunch with me after our 20 week scan (2 weeks today) and pop to mothercare to look at baby bits and show her our pram etc. I have the rest of the day off work so will be nice. Hopefully we will know the sex too. Just waiting for a reply now!
    Thanks again all. Piggypops - haha yeah! i dont think I am quite ready for that just yet!
  • I'm glad you've come up with a plan!

    I or my OH ring his mum regularly and took her to mothercare/M&S/mamas and Papas show her the prams and nursery furniture we were thinking of before we ordered it but she still doesnt seem very interested!

    I really want her to feel involved and not left out at all - I invited her to my baby shower and she came to that, didnt stay for long but at least she was invited!

  • I have a similar relationship with my MIL when we got married she showed no interest, I took my scrap books round to show her, invited her dress shopping etc and she wasn't having any of it. Think it was down to her wedding being so low-key back in the 50's.
    With this baby as it's a first for all families, I've asked her opinion on things like feeding/nappies and she seems to really respond to that. I also got a chair from freecycle that I wanted to recover, I know she has a sewing machine so asked if she could help me do it, and she has said that if I give her the material she'll happily do it for us. Now she feels involved. might be worth a try
  • lol my MIL doesn't even know I'm expecting again! and I'm 32 WEEKS!! lol. Hubby just doesn't want to speak to her - long story and a bad past I wont bore you with regarding that we both have children from previous marriages so things get very awkward

    If your BF keeps getting funny about you mentioning things in conversation that your Mum has offered to do to help out or whatever then I would suggest you make HIM get his Mother involved!! why is it your responsibility? is he 12 years old? like inviting her for tea or something, invite her to see the nursery?............ I don't know but at the end of the day its HIS Mum not yours! and if your own Mum is more than forth coming with offers of help its hardly YOUR fault is it!!! especially if you've daughter in law of the year and openly tried to involve her in his company!

    If you want her involved, or to get her attention then what about buying one of those cute little bibs with 'I love grandma' on it or something and give it to her saying something like "I saw this and thought of you, thought it would be nice for you to keep at yours so anytime to want to see baby you'll have one!" (there abig HINT for her and your BF)
    As the others have said, on the other hand BE GRATEFUL she's not an interferring old witch like MY MIL
  • haha thanks all! BF and I had a good chat yesterday. We have invited MIL to go baby shopping with us and for lunch etc and she seems really keen so thats good. I decided that BF should come as well as it is his Mum after all and i know MIL would be nervous to go with me on her own (just the way she is, i think its from having 2 boys, she doesnt know what to do with a DIL!!).
    haha yes tutandidamoon i am greatful she's not an interferring witch image. I understand now that just need to ask and she is more than keen! (I have probably opened a can of worms now and wont be able to get rid of her lol!!)

Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions