I'm really scared of giving birth.

I know I'll get responses like 'oh, I'm not, I can't wait for this wonderful magical femininity-enhancing experience!' but they don't help. They just make me feel more inadequate.

I have a low pain threshold. I have no idea how painful 'painful' is. My back acxhe and rib pain already make me cry I feel so sorry for myself. I now have a bump that I can't ignore and its staring me in the face saying 'I've gotta come out, I've gotta come out....'

The sizes and spaces don't make sense to me. My period pains hurt enough when the cervix has to widen enough to let a little bit of womb lining out. My pregnancy tracker now says 42 cm. FORTY TWO! At 27 weeks! Thats massive. So when they say '10cm dilated', its still not gonna be kid-in-a-flume slippyslidy whoosh, is it? What does dilated mean? A big 10cm gaping whole in the cervix?

In all seriousness, I know its too late, but how do you deal with the blind panic? If anybody does indeed panic, and not everyone is an earth mother born to squat and plop the baby out and hardly break stride?

Arghhhhh. I'm scared.


  • If I were you babe I'd have a chat with my MW about your fears. I'd also get clued up on what pain relief you'd like.

    Dilated means when when your cervix has opened up to 10cm and your baby can be pushed down through it so yeh a big gap essentially.

    But you have to remember at all times, women are BUILT for this. Your body KNOWS how to have a baby without even reading a book. Contractions open the cervix and then you get the urge to push when yo are far along enough. Your body tells you whats happening, you just have to understand each stage to make it easier.
    Each contraction/pant/breathe brings you closer to your baby image simples.

    I have never experienced period pain and this worries me as thats what most women say it feels like... so I dont know what that pain is like.

    this is from the USA site baby center but its good to watch.

  • Hi LSG131110,

    Not much I can say will ease your panic, this is my second and my DD is now 8 so I don't remember a lot from the first birth and that teamed with the fact that I had an epidural I don't really remember much at all. All I know is to help ease my nerves I just think of it scientifically and logically. The female anatomy is built for this purpose and that our bodies are much more well equipped to deal with it that we give them credit for. Yes the contractions hurt it's a dull aching pain that gets stronger towards the actual birth the only thing that will make the experience more enjoyable is learning what makes you relax. Feelings of anxiety is completely normal and you need the adrenaline to carry you through but you needn't be scared of it, you will be in great hands with professionals that handle birth multiple times per day.

    I know it's what everyone says but we would all be only children if the whole thing was as awful as some people make us think - a lot of people like to point out the bad before the good as it makes for interesting reading but the reality of birth is so much different!

    If I were you I'd look into things like Hypnobirthing and water pools etc. Like I say find what makes you relax, you are able these days to take your own pools to the hospitals/ipods/cushions/duvets anything that makes you feel more comfortable in a unfamiliar surrounding will help.

    Hope that helps a little bit?! :\)

    24+5 x
  • me too sweety pie, I am cacking my pants, I am such a baby and have a very low pain thresh hold, my hubby is worried how I will cope.

    The only thing I can suggest is to not scare yourself too much reading too much about it, I think I'd rather not know as I will scare myself silly.

    Also just try and rest assured that millions of women give birth, and many in poor locations with bad sanitation and no facilities or care, our bodies are made to give birth!!!

    Just try and focus on the fact that there's no turning back and it will be so worth it when you meet your little one, and have an exciting future. All the midwives will be there to support you, your birthing partner will be there to help you and if anything goes wrong then you are in the best capapble hands.. You can have pain control and you might find that in the situation you will suprise yourself and be so focussed and get through it the sense of achievement will be huge!

    I am 35 and feel like a frightened little girl sometimes, but have had loads of life experiences where I have totally suprised myself getting though! You will be fine, just focus on the end result! if you are really worried speak to your MW. XX

    PS I am prone to panic attacks, had one last night as its the first night I have been alone without hubby as he had to go away for a night with work, I was convinced I was gonna go into labour (I'm 26 weeks, and I was born at 28), my breathing went all funny and I had to calm myself down. I'm scared of it all becoming too much in labour that I panic, but I'm sure the midwives have seen every situation and would know how to act! X
  • I was scared of labour & birth during my first pregnancy. I found that the best way (for me!) to deal with it, was not to think about it. It was something that I knew I had to deal with, but didn't want to do so until it actually happened. I too was so scared of the pain & how I would cope. I broke my leg badly a few years back & needed an awful lot of morphine for the pain. I was worried this would be much worse!

    Fortunately, even though bubs was back to back, I found that the pain really wasn't as bad as I'd expected it to be. Ok, I did have diamorphine & gas & air (wonderful stuff!), but I coped better than I expected.

    It may sound like a cliche, but it is amazing how well your body deals with labour, even if it's never done it before! You also find out things about yourself that you never realised (pain thresh-hold, stamina!). I can honestly say I had a great experience-so much so that I'm 14 weeks pregnant & my lo is 7 months!

    Maybe discuss your worries with your midwife, see if she can put your mind at ease somewhat? Either that, or take my advice & bury your head in the sand until it actually happens :lol: Either way, I wish you all the best xx

  • I agree honeypops, ignorance is bliss! My friend is tiny and was worried she wouldn't cope she doesn't have child bearing hips, she said the experience was brilliant and was suprised how well she cooped and that it was not even half as bad as she had expected.. just don't thik about it and deal with each day as it comes, no point worrying! X
  • sorry g/c

    Firstly hun you are not alone, the only thing I can advise is to stop thinking about it when the time comes you and your body know what to do. I had the same fear and I suffer really bad period pains but when it came to being induced I went into labor really quickly and I had to do it on gas and air and I wont lie it is painful but you can get through it, your body and mind goes into this focusing thing and you get through it and at the end you have a lovely little one in your arms xx
  • Girls I was so the same! I was terrified! Yet labour sort of bit me in the ass, I ignored my contractions for 14 hours before I went to hospital I was in such denial!
    Yes it does hurt...but thats what pain relief is for image
    My contractions never got unbearable, and the whole experience was brilliant, despite a traumatic end to my birth I want to do it all again already! (LO is 3 weeks today)
    If its the pain you are scared of, have an epidural, they are amazing! There are other options too if you are not far enough along for one (diamorphine is good (Y)
    Like honeypops said, our bodies are designed to do this and I was so surprised how well I coped, I've always been a 'mardy' person, and like you period pains would have me doubled over on the sofa like my world was ending. My sister was my birthing partner along with OH and they were both amazed, but said I could no longer cry at period pains if I can cope with childbirth like that! Haha.
    Speak to your mw too, mine was brilliant and being more aware of the process and what does/can happen really helped, especially as I ended up with an episiotomy and forceps delivery.
    It will all be worth it when you hold your LO, and you really do forget the pain!
    Hope all goes well for you hun xx
  • I am really really scared too - I've looked at my lady bits a few times in the mirror and wonder how the hell the baby is going to come out. I know exactly how you feel hun. 10cm dialated means nothing to me - it still does not look like it will fit through - the baby's shoulders are twice the width of its head?!

    I cry at anything - if I stub my toe I think it's the worst pain in the world. I am such a wimp. I have begged my hubby to pay for a c-section!

    For me labour is not something to -embrace' and all that crap, I just want it over and done with and to forget about it as quickly as possible. I want all the drugs available to get me through it and don't care what people think about this. I am dreading it!

  • G/C as my baby is 7 weeks old now - but I was terrified of labour before I had my son (now 2), but in all honesty the anticipation was worse than the event. I'm not an earth mother who could just breathe though it - yes it hurt, but it was also an unimaginable experience. I used to have awful period pains too, but there is lots more pain relief available for labour, and i found labour quite surreal, like I wasn't really in the room ( maybe the gas and air but as soon as baby was born I was 'back in the room', so I think it's fantastic stuff). Yes my labour was quite short (3 hours) but it was also on the drip which is meant to be more intense, and i only had gas and air - but if you feel you need more than that, ask for it - as one midwife told me 'there are no prizes for being a martyr on labour ward'. Also, I found that once labour started, I just went with it, the end is in sight and you get to meet your baby soon, so there does seem to be a point to the pain.
    I know it's easy to say, but I wished I hadn't wasted time being so terrified about it.

    I was still worried second time around, in case it was harder this time - and yes it was hard but again not as bad as I'd built it up to be.

    I do understand how you feel, but as someone who's come through the other side - try not to worry so much, nature is a wonderful thing, and there are drugs!
  • Thanks ladies... its good to know I'm not alone, and also the reassurances. I can't read birth stories because they scare me more! I see the mw next thursday, so I'll mention my fears then.

    In 'other news' I just got a text from my best mate since I was 4, telling me her waters have broken! She's all like' bring it on!'. She's been using a hypnobirthing DVD apparently - I must borrow it!
  • i am feeling the same so scared of giving birth i dont think it helps i keep reading all the diferant birth storys i think it's natural to be scared tba
    kirsty 39 weeks
  • Your post was the funniest and honest thing! I really have laughed out loud!

    I'm am SO with you on this, or rather I WAS!!

    I'm going to have number 3 in 8 weeks. NUMBER THREE!! I cant quite believe it myself! surely that MUST prove to you that its not going to kill you or put you off for life???? I swear on my life that it (of course hurts) but its very get-overable. Its the FEAR that gets you and just heightens the pain and I swear thats the truth! you actually recover quicker and better the less pain relief you have!

    I am the biggest wimp, I cry when I get migraines, an ulcer on my tongue makes me want to put my tongue in a pot of germalene, I cant get waxed as it hurts and I shriek

    My fear of childbirth had me in hysterics for my whole first pregnancy - I looked into joinging Bupa or whoever just so I could have a c-section - and I MEANT BUSINESS, I thought it was the easy way out! I wanted my minnie to stay the way it was!

    My partner at the time must have really suffered but I didn't notice because all I could think was "how the f*** is THAT going to come out of THERE without ripping me in two, you must be fing joking?!!?"

    One of my partner (now my ex) friends wives said to me "imagine having a really big solid poo that makes your eyes water and you stop breathing and pant it hurts so much when first coming out, then once its stretched you, out the poo comes............. well thats what it feels like"

    At the time I thought W-E-I-R-D-O who IS this woman talking about poo to me! but she was right! all I can say is our bums are built to pass poo - and our minnie is designed to pass a baby through!! your bits really DO go into automatic mode and get bigger, softer, and dare I say it looser! and your baby slowly moves down and out!

    My first birth was ruined by my fear to be honest, my birthing partner was useless (my ex partner) I didn't know what I was doing or what to expect so fear made everything feel worse adn the midwive basically told me to do everything that made HER life easier, not mine. (Now I know better!!!) and I had an epidural, I wish i hadn't.

    Baby arrived after a 9 hour labour of me being forced on my back with a catheter in my wee hole (something I wasn't expecting was involved with epidurals and scared me even more as I'm very sqeamish) complete loss of dignity and in sheer shock! I tore because I was on my back and couldn't feel much. (some may say thats a good thing but I dont think it is!) you need to be in control of your pushing, that way its quicker and more productive. I have to say although the hospital was awful the staff were crap and I was in complete shock and felt dreadful........... it didnt kill me! my body recovered and my minnie went back to normal size!

    eight years later.................. (I got remarried to mr right!)

    My second birth was totally different, I started off thinking 'this HAS to be easier this time as I;ve done it once already so the flood gates have been opened already so to speak) HOWEVER my midwife kept telling me as it was such a big gap that this one would feel like a first all over again!

    CUE FEAR! (cheers midwife!)

    I knew what was coming (sort of) I wanted a waterbirth, and to be upright a my biggest fear is tearing again. Labour number 2 was 6 hours from first contraction to 'hello baby' it only got painful (and I mean painful in my back - not my minnie) towards the end and although the gas and air helps it kind of distracts you to the point of not wanting it so you can kncukle down and take a deep breath and push! my pushing bit was about 10 mins tops, and yes I begged for an epidural, as it does feel like the biggest poo of your life! it doen't hurt my minnie at all - its more in the BUM area where the pain is!! For those 10 mins I wanted someone to beam me up the hell out of there BUT soon as baby was out, the pain vanishes, it really does!

    I was over come with a sense "I bloody did it - stick that in your pipe"
    It helps to have a good birthing partner, someone you respect and look up to and trust and who will get hands on and rub and puh into your lower back with a contraction cos thats where I feel my pain.

    I don't cope well with period pains either, I sometimes have to go to bed after taking 2 paracetomol and ibuprofen and a hot water bottle! and I'm a firm believer its a bloody good valid reason for a sick day (or two) off work!

    I'm still scared of this birth coming, who wouldn't be! I dont believe anyone who says they aren't scared! I'm hoping to have another water birth and stay upright and keep my dignity again this time, and after all this IS my third and I only gave birth 9 and a half months ago so I'm hoping for the 'child in a water flume experience whoosing out!' as my body only had 2 months to recover before I was pregnant again!

    Please dont think of a c-section as the easy way out! its not! your body is better prepared for a normal birth (even though passing a london bus out your minnie doen;t feel natural or normal when you think of it............. it really IS what we are made for!)

    Good luck, relax, get a good birth partner, and always keep upright and in control and you'll get through it! xx
  • its perfectly normal to feel scared hun.
    i have a low pain threshold and i shocked my self when in labour with my son.
    i was up for 6 hours on my own having contractions so hubs could sleep. they do hurt but its only for about 30 - 60 secs then it goes so its not a constant pain as such,
    i only woke hubs up as i was getting in the bath and wanted him there incase i couldnt get out.
    after 24 hours of no sleep i had the epidural but also because i had the drip to bring on the contractions and because i was sooooo tired i really wasnt coping with them. had i of not been too tired i prob would of lasted longer without the epidural (best thing ever!!lol)
    as has been said before find some relaxation techniques and see what works for you.
    as soon as the labour is over and you see your baby you will forget the pain and just be so mesmerised by yours and your oh little creation.
    i had my son in Jan 2005 so a long time ago and now 18+6 with number 2.
    i sometimes think its easier for 1st time mummies as they dont know what to expect so they dont know what is coming where as 2/3/4 time mummies know!! lol!!
    dont get me wrong although i roughly know what will happen i am still pooping my pants!!

    sorry if i havent helped but i wanted to make you see that although you think you may have a low pain threshold you will prob surprise yourself with how well you will cope when the time comes.

  • Thanks Tutandidamoon, that was brilliant. It really has put a lot in perspective and really made me laugh. Especially calling it a minnie - that makes me laugh every time I read it!
  • Tutandidamoon, that was pure genious!! Your comments made me laugh, love your description, my friend also said the sensation is just like wanting a big poo and pushing, hopefully I'm prepared a little with the amount of constipation I get LOL! X I'm hoping for a water birth, I hear that the water is a natural relaxant and a wonderful experience, but even if you don't like it you can get out of the pool and labour leaning or lying down. X
  • Your post made me laugh so much. Especially the "kid-in-a-flume slippyslidy whoosh" bit - funniest thing I've read all day!

    I remember when I was pregnant with my first, and I told my friend that It was just starting to dawn on me, that one way or another this human being was going to have to find it's way out - and she started twittering on about how amazing it was to go through this experience, to feel your "cervix, opening like a flower" and what a womanly, empowering thing it was to go through - and I just thought "bollocks to that, its a human skull forcing it's way out through your genitals - I think i'll take the drugs thanks" but honestly, it's not that bad (if you've ever had toothache - that is far worse!) it's quite a positive pain, because you know that each contraction is one step closer to meeting your baby, and the drugs are frekkin awesome! image

    You will be fine hunny - loads of women get scared about giving birth (who bloody wouldn't!?) but they all get through it, and everyone always says it was worth it.

  • You aren't the only one hun, it is bloddy scary!

    I thought I had a low pain threshold used to cry at anything lol even the smalles of things but I didn't use any pain relief in Labour too far gone but it wasnt as bad as I thought!

    IIf I had been ealier on in the pregnancy I would of had pain relief but if I ever have another im sure I would be ok with a waterbirth and a little gas and air Lol (She says) Lol

    Dont worry about it hun, its normal to be scared, anyone who says they are not are lying Lol

    My friend had her baby on her bathroom floor when turned away from our local hospital.

    She said one minute I thought I was doing a poo the next there is a head coming out my foof LOL

  • It is perfectly natural to be scared hon but if you feel it's taking over you need to speak to your midwife hon.

    I have a low pain threshold, my oh was bricking it about labour but I suprised even myself. Our birthing classes that started at 34 weeks ish were a brilliant preparation with lots of relaxation techniques from hypnobirthing. The fear is what can make the pain worse and slow down labour so it's really important to stay as relaxed as possible. My tens machine was brilliant as it really served to distract me when I had a contraction until I electrocuted myself!!! :lol::lol::lol:

    I got to the hospital when it became a bit much and when the mw said " no wonder you felt ready to come in you're 8cm dilated!!" I was like " Holy Cow!!!" A bit of gas and air and 2 hours later I had my beautiful boy in my arms and all was forgotten!!!

    You have lots of time to try and learn some techniques and get some positive storys...everyone will be quick to tell you the bad ones but don't listen to them!!!

    hth x
  • ur definately not alone, i'm on baby no2 now, and i'm still scared as i never got to fully dilated or pushing with ds, so its all still unknown to me, i knwo what contractions feel like now though, so i knwo thta i can 'cope' with them (albeit with soem pain relief) but its the pushing crowning bit that scares me now...but, like otehrs have said, its certainly not gonna be a walk in hte park, but, the pain doesn't last forever and will eb sooo worth it, and there are several pain relief options available to help make u as comfy as u want to be. positioning and breathing can make a masive difference too so just go with ur body and find how u are comfy when the time comes...xx
  • Yeah I'm pretty scared about it too! What has really helped me has been researching active birth positions and also going on a yoga birth preparation class. They have given me strategies for dealing with the contractions, and also explained to me what physically happens to your minnie (:lolimage during childbirth. I think understanding what will happen has helped rationalise it for me, and the yoga stuff has helped me feel like I am more in control (I think it is the loss of control that scares me most).

    Personally I think you would have to be a bit barking not to be a little scared by it, especially if you have never been through it before.
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