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1st midwife app left you overwhelmed/stressed/emotiotional??
I had my app today and the whole thing has just left me feeling anything but excited. Firsty, i didnt want to have my baby at the hosp closest to us as basically there are just other hospitals i wud rather go to but my midwife said i would be daft not to go to the one that was closest to me and so i have ended up going there. Secondly, all they went on about was what could go wrong, infact her exact words were "your not out of the woods until 20 wks"
I dont really know what i was expecting but i know i was excited before, now i am just panicing about everything. And she has left us with a wk 2 decide whenther we want the screening for downs syndrome and i ahve no idea what to do about this, has any1 else had this or not bothered?
thanks for any replies, had a bit of cry earlier cos just feel dead emotional since i went to my app x
I dont really know what i was expecting but i know i was excited before, now i am just panicing about everything. And she has left us with a wk 2 decide whenther we want the screening for downs syndrome and i ahve no idea what to do about this, has any1 else had this or not bothered?
thanks for any replies, had a bit of cry earlier cos just feel dead emotional since i went to my app x
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sophie 20+1
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I am so sorry your first appointment has left you feeling this way. I think we expect the NHS to get as excited as us about our pregnancies but on the whole they are just very matter of fact, and to them its nothing special- they forget to us its everything.
Firstly you can change your mind about your chosen hospital at any time. I had exactly the same pressure from my MW about choosing the closest one etc out of the 3 on offer. I put my foot down, refused to make a decision until I'd checked the healthcare commission ratings of them all etc, and then chose my hospital.( mine is 40 mins from home) If you think you might like to go elsewhere, you CAN change your mind. So do some research and see how you feel after that.
The reality is 20 weeks is seen as the turning point in pregnancy, and so medics can be somewhat careless in their language- just like yours was. Please try not to worry or get upset about this, it won't help you at all. I think your mw was just a bit tactless in her use of language.
Screening for Downs is again entirely a personal choice and you must not feel pressured to do anything.
The NHS test tends to be offered around 12 weeks and will give you a reasonable figure as to the chances of your baby having the condition. It can't give you a definitive yes or no. You'd then have to decide if you want an amnio test done which would give you a confirmed answer.
You can of course just have the blood test, and whatever the risk factor decide not to have the amnio, you may feel it makes no difference to you if your baby has Downs or not. The advice is normally not to have the amnio unless you intend to act on the results ( amnios carry a very small risk of miscarriage)
There is lots of information on reliable sites like the NHS ones, so again try to take time to read up and decide what you'd like to do.
Above all, don't let one appointment upset you any longer. You are expecting a baby and its a hugely exciting time, enjoy it because its so precious and does not last for long
xx
you can change your mind about the hospital. next time you go say firmly that you have done some research and visited the hospitals and have decided on X. you can have your baby where you want!
i had a hospital appointment to look at botox in my eye when i was 7 weeks pregnant and when i explained that i was pg they told me they'd be in touch after my due date or i was to call them if anything changed e.g. mc!!!!!
at my booking in i was asked if i was in a happy relationship, then told they ask everyone, but everyone i have asked has never been asked that!!! maybe it's becasue i went on my own! so dont take it personally. it's their job and some forget it's our lives!
at my booking in i was asked if i was in a happy relationship, then told they ask everyone, but everyone i have asked has never been asked that!!! maybe it's becasue i went on my own!
I was asked! I was also asked if I "had any concerns about spousal violence". I don't think the MW who booked me in had encountered someone with my personal sick brand of humour before, because when I pretended to muse then leaned forward and said "sometimes I wonder if I'm hitting him hard enough - do you have any tips?" she looked horrified and nearly fell off her chair!
Luckily the hospital MWs remember me from last time around and deal with my flippancy far more calmly.
Or just tell them that he never does the bastard washing up but you stay with him because the sex is so amazing and he's so well endowed, and watch them try to work out if you are serious....
Most midwives are lovely but sometimes hit autopilot, I consider it my personal duty to keep them on their toes. If one had been rude and thoughtless enough to inform me that I "wasn't out of the woods until 20 weeks" I'd have suggested that this might also be her timeline to prove to me that she was competent at her job and impress me with her patient care skills.
we were asked "is this pregnancy wanted?" when we registered at our doctors... did the big grins on our faces not give that away love????
Hun I am sorry you had a rough time at your first appointment, like MG said, they seem to forget what a special thing this is for us. My midwife was pretty good at my first appointment but the one I have now since moving sounds like yours and its not nice. You go in so excited about hearing the heartbeat etc and leave feeling like your an inconvenience with more questions than you went in with!!
I had the downs test, they do an extra measurement and then you have some blood taken. I didn't get a figure just a letter saying I was low risk. To be honest I didn't really give it a thought, we just thought why not when she asked. I know this is a morbid thought but if you consider what you would do if they told you the baby had downs you can base your decision about whether or not to have the test on that. My OH and I had a very firm decision made should the baby have downs so wanted to know one way or the other.
I was surprised when they asked if the baby was planned at our first appointment, I am not entirely sure what difference it makes to the care you are given?? When I moved around 20 weeks and had a booking in appointment with my new midwife the questions were different to the ones I got at my first booking in appointment so there isn't a standard set of questions across the country. I was asked if my husband and I are related in any way (other than by marriage) and was asked if I was assigned a social worker!! They are very indicative of the area I have moved to lol!! I wasn't asked if I was in a happy relationship although I was asked if I was worried about domestic violence (at the new place not old)