What am I supposed to do????????

Hi everyone, as you may remember I found out I was pregnant with no 2 and my oh wasnt very keen but eventually came round to the idea and told me to keep the baby. Well 2 weeks later and completely out of the blue, he told me that if I dont have a temanation then he will leave me. OMG how do i make a descision like that?

Im soooooo confused, I love my oh so much but I also really want this baby.

Ive done nothing but cry for 2 days now and I cant carry on like this anymore.

Help or Advice needed soooooo much.

Kirsty
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Posts

  • Kirsty - I don't know what to say.

    What a horrible situation to be in. I don't really have any advice but just wanted to say that I hope you can get things sorted out soon.

    Did he give you a reason for changing his mind?
  • oh hunny thats really awful i dont know what to say but i think if u really want this baby and u do terminate your relationship as u know it will be over anyway cos he has made u do it and u will resent him forever, i really dont agree with termination unless there is a medical reason and i think u need to highlight to him that U do want this baby and want to keep it and if he leaves u then he would have left u eventually for another reason but im guessin its just a threat , a very nasty one but can u just sit down and talk about it and the effect a termination will have on your relationship??how old will ure lo be when ure baby is born?x x
  • what an awful situation to be in! but i may upset some by saying i am sorry but no man would ever ever make me get rid of a baby...no way i'm sorry but the choice has to be yours, and well it clearly isnt, none of us can tell you what to do we can just be here to offer support, all the best

    chloe xx
  • hun i'm sorry but if my oh made me make this decision he'd be out the door before he's even finished the sentence...if he's prepared to make you choose doesnt that tell you something about this guy?! i would never kill my baby if someone wanted me to...think of all the pain and upset you'd go through having the termination and he's prepared to let u do it just because he wants you to?! i'm sorry hun but he sounds like someone who you're better off without unless there's a genuine reason for his behaviour?! x
  • omg that is a terrible situation 2 b in!!!! i really feel 4 u!! my only advise is if u ad a termination how wud u feel 2wards him in the long run . if u truly want this baby u cud end up hatin him 4 makin u hav a termination .
    which will end ur relationship anyway. i really hope everything works out 4 u plz keep me updated.
    luv clare.x.
  • i agree with chloe no man would make that decision for me and if you did that for him you would sooo resent him as u want the baby. no one can make this decision except you hunny i cant imagine what your going through. big hugs
    claire x
  • i agree with chuffedbaby2 what ever decision you make your relationship with not servive can you really see yourself moving on from this and not resenting your hubby more and more each day for making you terminate your baby x
  • Thanx for your quick replys. My lo will be 2 and half when this baby is born and i dont doubt for 1 second that i will cope, i love being a mummy, my daughter makes me so happy. My oh just said that due to problems with with work (he has none at the mo) we cant afford to have another, which is a poor excuse if u ask me, he also said that he just doesnt want this baby, the only reason he agreed in the 1st place is because he knew i wanted the baby.
    I dont want to terminate but i also dont want to end my relationship, how am i going to ever going to trust him again, he is the love of my life that is breaking my heart. :\(
  • my lo will be 2 and a half when my baby is born too and im sure it will be hard and i will cope but if my oh had said to me that he wanted me to terminate and he only agreed cos i wanted too i would kick him from here to space , your oh cant treat this like a game he is playing with lives !!do u think u will love him as much after you have got rid of the baby u want so much??i know i couldnt no matter how much u love someone you cant let him bully u into please hun do what YOU feel is right not him and im sure he loves u and is just frightened , my oh says he is scared how we are going to manage finacially too but i just say thats never going to get any better ,keep us informed hun and if u need any more support just post x x x
  • hun-im so sorry that you are going through this, pregnancy is hard enough and you need some support.

    Is there anyone you can talk to/confide in? maybe your mum or a good friend? I know that you and OH created this baby-so should be between you both-but you are under so much stress right now, and probably cant think straight.In my opinion (sorry if this upsets you), he is being totally unfair. Temination shouldnt be seen as a method of contraception, and he should be man enough to deal with this. Ideally he would have a job and more money but you dont, and you are willing to go through with it. you already love your little bean-and need to make the decision yourself-as he is being totally selfish and putting you through hell-so is not worried about how you feel.so please take the same attitude as he has-and make the decision based on YOU.

    Im sorry if my reply upsets anyone-its not meant to offend xx
  • nice to hear he is the love of your life but surely if you were his he wouldnt give you this awful ultimatum! really when all said and done if you do decide to terminate you will never ever forgive him, it will more than likely be the ruin of you as a couple, but if you decide to keep your little baby, is he really going to turn his back on you and his children, i doubt it really, as for the money thing there is never a right time to have children and you get on and somehow things always fall into place, if everyone planned and waited for the right time well there wouldnt be very many.... as a mother myself, and expecting at the moment too, i can say hand on heart my babies are my world, and its easy for your bloke to panic and think it will all go away quickly if you get a t.o.p. but it doesnt, please believe me it doesnt,

    chloe xx
  • OMG I feel like crying for you. I just cant believe that someone could do that to someone else. I honestly feel that if you go ahead with this termination in will ruin your life as you will never ever get over it. How far on are you? Personally I would refuse and see what he does. Chances are he will change his mind when the baby arrives. Is there any other reason why he could of changed his mind, have things been ok with you and OH until now?

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Hi everyone thank you soooooo much for your support, im really chocked up now, lol. Things between myself and OH have been ok, apart from financial worries- but no different to alot of others im sure.

    I really do want this little bean, my daughter is my life and I cant imagine life without her. Ive always wanted more, and I know this is not the ideal time but when is??????

    You have all really helped me more than you could ever know and for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    I AM going to keep this baby im just gutted that this is more than likley the end of my relationship, I thought we would be together forever and now im facing life as a single parent.

    Who am i going to share all the little things with, When baby moves for the 1st time, my 1st midwife appoint, scan, etc. I cant imagine anyone i would want to share that with other than OH.

    Im sure i will be fine, i have to be, my beautiful little lady needs me to be and so does this little bean, I just hope he/she is ok in there after all this stress, still got a while to go, am only 7 weeks.

    Once again THANK YOU ALL SOOOOOOOOO MUCH, mwah xxxxxx
  • oh sweetheart i'mm so sorry u've been put in such n awful position. but my advice is unless U 110% want a termination then don't do it, and its quite clear that u don't want a termination. he's obviously looking at itv as a quick fix to get out of a difficult situation but in truth if u did have a termination u wld probably never forgive him for making u make that choice. i really suggest u talk to ur mum or anyone, sounds to me like u need a good hug and someone to offer u there support, and of course we on here will support u as much as possible but its not quite the same is it.
    and to think he wnet along with the pregnancy and now changed his mind, thats just cruel in my eyes, he's allowed u to start bonding and accepting it and then throws this in. that is emotional blackmail at its lowest form!

    xx
    Si????n


  • hi

    i kno whow you feel i was in this situation not that long ago,i already have 5 kids only 1 are with my new partner.

    the older ones are 14,12,10,9 and the little 1 is 2.when i found out i was pregnant hewent mad from the off and then i found out it was twins well that was it.

    im now 28+5 and things are k,time does heel,just take each day as it comes .

    mandy x
  • Hun iam so sorry to be reading your post and the position you have been put in. I have known my partner (now hubby) since i was 16 (am nearly 30 now), and i know how it is to have the love of your life but as much as it would hurt me so much if my hubby gave me a ultimatum(sp?) like that i would walk away from him. Even if i would have been slightly ok with a termination, the fact that he has put you in this position shows he is pretty selfish im sorry to say and i could never forgive him for even saying that.

    This is just my opinion hun and i don't ever want to upset you but to me love works both ways, to love him like you do and stand by him is not enough...... he has to love you like that too and if he doesn't, he doesn't deserve you or the baby.

    love and hugs hunni

    suzi xxxxxx
  • That's a very brave decision Kirgem. Maybe your OH will change his mind once he realises that your mind is set? Pregnancy can make men do and think the strangest things?

    I'm sure your family will be there for you anyway and of course your little girl! image

    xxxxx
  • hi kirsty im sure your very worried about the prospect of being a single parent but although i dont know ure oh im sure once you stand up and say im keeping this baby and if u dont like it then its you who goes that he will soon realise that its not greener on the other side , if not then you can post all of us with your first midwife appointments, movements scans etc and also your friends and family believe me sometimes i wonder if my oh is really interested he is so blazee about things that i get exited about , if u need someone to chat to then just email me ill happily give u my number over email so u can text me and stuff , take care x x x x x x
  • Hiya,
    I cannot even believe your OH has said that to you. I'm so sorry for being so mad at your OH. I know we are all protective of our loved ones even if they are in the wrong. Your OH needs to be put in his place though and you need to be the one to do it.
    Whatever you do, do NOT have an abortion. you do not want one and if you go ahead you will hate your OH forever for making you do that so you will loose him either way. Personally if he is that much of a coward that he will walk away from his family when you need him the most then let him. Whats he afraid of? A bit of hard work? He is putting the blame of this situation on your shoulders and forcing you to make HIS decision. You have made yours, you are keeping it. now he needs to decide whether he is going to be a father or not.
    Tell him you are NOT choosing, he is the one with the choice to make not you. you are keeping the baby. He can either have a family, or he can have nothing. He will be the one suffering when he realises how alone he is without you and his babies, whilst you will have all the love and support from friends and family and you will have two lovely children to care for.
    I am so P****d off that a man has said that to a woman.
    I mean it when I say I am sorry for being so angry at your OH because I know you might be offended but its how I feel about the situation so...
    Hannah
    xxx
    I wish you all the luck in the world and hope your OH makes the right decision.
  • Hi everyone, thanx for all your support, im still in a state of shock, im soooo confused, I want this baby and I also want my relationship to work. Im hoping that my oh will come round but I really dont think he will.

    I feel calmer than I have done for days now and just hope that I can stay this way, my dayghter needs me to be strong and not keep falling apart.

    Oooh how i wish the situation was different xx
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