need some advise

me and my oh have been together for 4 years now and im pregnant with our first baby
since ive become pregnant he has changes towards me
i have to compete with every thing to get his attention hes always commentin on how other women look and windin me up and callin me fatty (which hurts me)
i bought him an xbow 4 xmas although he has it now and last night he was sortin it out and i was really tierd so asked him 4 a cuddle as i was goin to bedbut he said he was busy
now my family live far away so i cnt exactly just nip round!
any body got any advise as at this point i just wanna walk out n never look back image


  • Hi maybe he feels left out of things and by being like that you are trying more for his attention which he likes but to be a typical bloke instead of giving you the attention he doesnt to annoy you as he was feeling left out if you get me as i know what i wanna say but not comming out right.You should try and talk to him as you will only get more upset if you dont as you need more cuddles right now, i know i do and my oh gets sick of it but i just tell him that ill fall out with him if he doesnt and hell do anything for a quite life lol. I hope this helps try not to get to upset hun and take care
    vikki xx
  • i have spoke to him countless times and it just seems he wants to be a big kid again all it seems hes intrested in is his car his xbox n his computer. he also seems to think that as i dnt work as many hours as him i shud cook 4 him wen he gets in i should do the house work too! and 4 xmas he hasnt bought me any thin! i got a dressing gown last month n thats it! it feels like im not important any more. he doesnt even make an effort with me any more wen im cryin (hormones) if hes on the comp hell turn round look at me and say 'u ok?' then turn bk! am i just bein selfish here?
  • hi bec
    i dont really know what to say either - but if it was me i would try talking - he may not even realise he is hurting you. so a heart to heart may just clear the air as he will understand how you feel (hopefully!) - maybe it is just because all this is new to him, as well as you too, and he doesn't mean to be pushing you away but is doin so until he gets his head round things?! i dunno! men are strange!!
    hope i havent rambled on too much. take care xx

  • hi Bec I agree with GeM, I think alot of men according to all the books feel left out and insecure at this time, perhaps he needs reassurance to? How far gone are you, it says in all the books that once you have been for your first scan this usually gets better as they have something to relate to where as for you your body is changing so you are already bonding.

    I know thats no help but I think it will get easier as time goes on.
  • ive been for my scan hun! im 10 weeks not got another 1 until 21 weeks now! i try and include him in all aby stuff i.e names he likes, if he wants a boy or girl, what things he thinks we shud buy. i had my bookin in app on wed nad told him if he read some stuff it would be great and there was a bit in 1 of the booklets she gave me about dads and i told him this and he said ok watever to the lot its always watever if i ask him if he likes names its watever if i ask him if he likes a cot i like? i dnt know wat to do now! ive tried to make him feel apart of this pregnancy but dnt seem to know wat else to do now???
  • If he's acting like a big kid perhaps (and this is if talking to him like an adult hasnt worked) you should tell him off like a big kid! Talk to him firmly saying that you deserve to be treated with more respect and that if he doesnt shape up you will have to do some serious thinking about your future together. Hopefully this might make him pull his socks up! I realise that this is easier said than done but sometimes when blokes feel like they are in control they just take advantage (this can go for women too). x
  • erm... break his xbox? prefably over his head!??!
    sorry! but that would probably be my next step! haha!
    my oh has only just started listening to me goin on about baby bits - what to buy etc - even then he not THAT interested - he just tells me to get what i want - or - we got ages yet...stop panicking!
  • Right different approach, maybe if you try not talking baby all the time I know my hubby is sick of me talking about everything to do with babies, its obviously just cos I am soooo excited, but he feels I runaway with myself sometimes.

    Suppose it just needs time to settle in, and 10 weeks is quite early maybe as time goes by and you get rounder he will really come in to his own. Thats what i'm hoping for anyway, tell you what though, you should never have bought the Xbox, mines not been off his since he had the ruddy thing!!!
  • am i just being selfish tho? it does feel it sometimes! but then other times i just want him to treat me like he loves me
  • no not at all! dont feel guilty - you can't help the way you feel -least of all when you're pregnant!
  • Hi bec i dont think your being selfish at all its a new and exciting time for you both and hisv support would be nice. maybe he is scared of things changing, you changing i mean you have beenb the two of you for 4 yrs and now its all changing theres going to be someone else. big hugs from me as you sound feed up and i think you need them take care
    vikki xx
  • Hi Bec.
    Tell him in no uncertain terms how you feel and tell him you are ready to pack and leave.
    Shock him out of it.
    If you have tried talking sensibly already then this is it.
    Maybe that will be his wake up call?
    Perhaps go away for a few days and stay with your family and tell him its becuase of the hormones that you need the emotional support??
    Just a suggestion.
    Good luck and let us know how you get on. xx
  • Oh hun, that's horrible.
    If it was me, and i know this isn't how everyone would react but i would go and stay with someone for a few days, then he will take notice of you. I agree with Mrs E, shock him out of it, he shouldn't be treating you like this. If you leave him on his own it will give him some time to think and i bet he'll be on the phone begging you to come home. It will do you good too if he is making you miserable. Sometimes, men need a grand gesture to make them sit up and you are allowed to do a few things out of the ordinary in your condition so I would suggest giving him a taste of his own medicine, tell him you ar going away cos you need so time to think and then see what happens. Bet he buys you a great big Christmas present then!! Good luck sweetie x
  • Hi hun my oh was like this until about a month ago when it all started becoming real. I think the prob is, he still doesn't feel like you're pregnant, cos it's relatively new, so he doesn't understand why you're hormonal, poorly, gone off sex etc etc (well, thats what happened to me anyway!) and you're thinking about the baby all the time and he's being a big kid and gone off in a strop! I think we all forget how difficult it is for men, they're not experiencing any of it, they've got noooo idea about women's bodies, periods, let alone pregnancy - and yet we expect them to be there for us 200%. Not saying that you shouldn't expect that - we all do! - but it's difficult for men too.

    I was crying non-stop too and all he'd do was say 'Oh for god's sake' or something! LOL. I can laugh now but at the time it was really upsetting. But now I see I was thinking about the baby all the time & ignoring him as much as he was me. Everyone said 'Oh he'll feel different after ur scan' but at my scan he was distant and seemed to be amazed that such a tiny thing provoked such a huge response of love in me.

    I think u should talk to him and try and spend some quality time together, without either of u mentioning the baby - do somethin u did before you got pregnant...just go out & have fun.

    It does get better honestly, things have been great lately, he likes talking about the baby too & is desperate to buy more things even though I say no! He even looks at pushchairs online and stuff!
    Good luck
    20+4 x x x
  • he came home for his dinner today so we had a lil chat he was grovellin like mad which i hate! and like usual he kinda brushes it under the carpet
  • i dont really have any advice, but my oh was like that until he felt the baby move at about 18wks. I dont think it was real to him until then and even now (even tho we got 80 days to go) thinks i bang on about baby and baby stuff too much cos he reckons we got ages yet.
    maybe just explain that early preg really takes it outta a woman and he gonna have to help more cos your growing his child (emphasis on the HIS)
  • hi, haven't got any great advice but its a big change he is gonna have to get used to it, i think we sometimes forget that its hard for the men too.???? my partner lives in london n me in newcastle n hes a big kid it was a shock me fallin pregnant as it wasnt planned my poor partner has to be a step dad to my son n a father of his own soon.???? we go through all these changes n the men struggle to keep up n understand, its hard but try talkin n be firm he may open up xxx take care n good luck
  • i really hope he does! he is only 20 and im 19 so we are young but b4 we started tryin we had a long chat on how it would change our lives money etc! but none of this seems to have helped him! i just dnt know wat 2 do next
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