Anybody got step children?

The last few weeks I have felt really down and hormonal and it has taken me a lot of courage to admit that some of this is down to my feelings of the situation I am in.

This is my first pregnancy. I live with the most fantastic man and his adorable 4 year old son who he has been raising on his own (until I moved in). Sam is a brilliant, loving little boy who accepted me from day 1 and looks to me as his mum as he has no contact with his real mum, and he is probably the main reason I wanted a child of my own. But I now have all these emotions and hormones and its upsetting me. I DON't resent Sam, but people automatically think this is my second child and I know what I am doing, I even had to explain to my midwife on my 3rd visit that this is my first!!! I feel like I can't be excited about my baby as I don't want to upset Sam. I have explained to my OH how I am feeling but I don't think he fully understands. Nobody I know is in my situation and can totally understand what I am feeling.

I was just wondering if anybody else is in this situation and has any advice?

Katie and bambino.x x x

Posts

  • im not in this situation but i think you are very special. Sam is a lucky boy and so is his dad. i have a 9 year old daughter from a previous relationship and i was on my own for years after i split with her dad, weve had our troubles as a new family unit and i worry about making her feel left out but ive included her in everything, she came to our first scan apt and heard the babys heartbeat the other day at mw apt. ive even let her choose the middle name. she's ok now but its natural for ANY child to feel a little out of the loop when another baby comes along. hope everything goes well for you. xxxx
  • Ahh thankyou for replying to me and for your kind words....I feel so guilty about my feelings that I was worried people on here would think I was horrid!
    I think that its lovely you let your daughter choose your LOs middle name, and well done you for bringing up a child alone, I don't think I would be able to.
    Sam would like a sister and he wants to call it micheal or dennis so I don't think I will be letting him choose a middle name!!! He really is magical and I love him soo much.
    Thanks again for your kind words.
    Katie and bambino.x x x
  • I have 2 step children. They are much older now (20 and 18) but they were only 10 and 8 when I was pg the first time. They lived with their mum and spent every other weekend and every Wednesday evening with their dad. It was a little awkward telling them that they were going to have a little brother.
    It is always difficult when other children are involved especially when they could be yours and other people see them as such.
    I know how you feel, you are all excited about being a first time mum but oh has been there before and just isn't because he knows what it's all about.
    My advice to you regarding the little boy is involve him in everything. From going to scans with you (so he can see his brother or sister) to helping to choose the multitude of baby equipment and clothes etc that you will need. When baby is here let him have cuddles with it and help with feeding and bathing. Hopefully he wo'nt go through the jealousy thing and this will be one less thing for you to worry about.
    Hope this helps even though it's a bit long winded.x
  • Hi hun, I have a 14 yr old step daughter and it has been difficult to say the least at the start. When we first told her she stormed off saying she didn;t want a brother or sister and wouldn't speak to me for about 2 weeks! Of course she still spoke to her Dad as it was all my fault! Lol. She has since come round and is really exicted about the baby now, even wanting to be there when its born! My advice is the same as everyone else just make sure you involve Sam in everything you can and make him feel special. Think that Sam and your OH are very lucky to have you!!!
    Tammi xxx
    29 weeks
  • Hi
    Its not quite the same but my OH is being step dad to my four yearold son, my sons dad is not really in the picture anymore. When i told my son i was having a baby he was excited a new baby, at each stage I have tried to keep him involved and I think that has really helped, he cant wait to meet his little sister. The problems i found were four year old have no concept of time, someexplained before his birthday Caitlin will be here. He helped me choose pushchair and had a turn pushin it and choosing baby clothes i let him help with, its hard for him as my OH had been introduced to him, moving and starting new school. We have just kept telling him having a baby makes you a family and that we all love each other. He seems to be accepting it and welcoming all the changes xx Same advice as everyone else involve him in everything . Sam is so lucky to have you !!!

    Tracey 28 weeks +6
  • Hiya

    I have a 20 year old stepson whom I met when he was 13, so different kettle of fish completely.

    Just wanted to add one thing to all the great advice these ladies have given you already and that is that you are allowed to feel excited about this new little as a new member of the family. I'm on my 4th child (mine and my dh's 2nd) and I am so excited - everyone knows it!! So don't be ashamed of being thrilled with your first born - it doesn't make Sam any less, but a more special big brother.

    Good luck hon

    Karenxx
    28+6
  • Ahhhh girls, thankyou soo much for your advice and kind words, been bloody booing now!!! Hormones are so not a positive in pregnancy!!!
    My OH has been great since we spoke and think he finally understands a little of how I feel.
    My boob leaked for the first time this morning and I was so excited that I ran in and woke him up just to show him and he gave me a big hug and said we'll have to go shopping today...it felt like a real breakthru as its the first time I had shown him how excited I was . He really is a fantastic guy.
    Sam thinks it hilarious that milk is coming out of my boobies and helped me put my slippers on as I have a big fat belly and don't sqirt me in the eye...those were his exact words, bless him!!!
    Thankyou soo much ladies on sharing your stories with me. I think you are all stars.
    Katie and bambino.x x x
  • U don't have to feel guilty at all coz you obv love sam v. much and he is really lucky to have you.

    Can't really add to all the advice, but i have one suggestion, maybe when you have 2 names that you really love for a middle name, you could let Sam choose between them,. That way, you know that you'll like the name and Sam will be involved. xxxxxxxx
  • Hi Katie, I know exactly what you mean with this one! only difference being is that my oh has a 4 yr old daughter rather than a son!!!! & to begin with her mum wasn't that interested in seeing her but is now & has been for about 8/9 months now.
    But she's really looking forward to having a little brother! but as tracey has already said 4 year olds don't really have that much of a grasp on time!!! lol, told her to begin with that he was going to be here at easter then only to find out that easter was like a month to dam early!!! lol! we've involved her in pretty much everything, when we got the pram just before christmas she saw it n said "is jason here"!! but there are some things where we've drawn the line, such as not help with feeding lo when he arrives coz she's one of those children who gets really excited over anything new!! also with bedroom aswell, moved her into a bigger room & she poicked the wall paper for redecoration then about 6 weeks later after she'd got used to it redecorated her old one. But it's a case of telling her thats jason's room you can't play in there, just basic boundaries really with them being brother & sister! Unfortunatly though as she's already started school she couldn't come to any of the scan or my mw appts but I've told everyone I don't want anyone visiting when I'm in hospital (for reasons that would end up turning into another essay!!!) but oh bringing her in to see him after he's born so she's going to be the first member of the family to see him image She also kinda chose his name as well!! lol, well asked her for names that begin with J n one of the names she said was jason, me n oh agreed n she was pleased!! lol!
    Kinda hoping he's going to put in an appearance at around 38weeks though coz the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy are when she's off school so it'll be an ideal time for me, oh & her to bond with lo as a family unit.

    http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/1;20750;42/st/20080421/dt/6/k/fc61/preg.png


  • Hiya Hayley,

    Thanks for sharing your story with me and your advice is great. Its nice to hear from somebody in the same situation. I hope LO arrives at the right time for you and keep me updated on how things are.

    Many Thanks Again
    Katie and bambino.x x x
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