Sharing my story

At the start of 2019, I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks. I was absolutely devastated and it took me nearly all of 2019 to recover from this loss. We kept trying, and had 2 further positive pregnancy tests but my period always followed. 

I found out I was pregnant again on the 21st January 2020. I had taken 2 FRER tests a few days before I was due on and both were negative. My period started light (as usual) except for one clot (eeww, I know!) and then the day after - nothing! I just knew that it wasn’t my period but implantation as I had this with my previous pregnancy. Another FRER confirmed it - I was pregnant again!

My light bleeding lasted 3-4 days and didn’t really need to use a pad for it. I had cramps like I was on my period and expected to see blood every time I went to the toilet but I didn’t. I had/have cramping more on my right side than anywhere else, but feel it on my left too. I get cramps when I go from sitting to standing and visa versa. 

Because I am classed as a High Risk pregnancy due to my previous losses, I was booked in for an early scan at 7 weeks. 5 days before this scan, whilst on holiday in Spain, I went for a wee and when I wiped, there was a slight pink colour. My heart stopped and I thought that was it. Game over. It didn’t happen again, but I couldn’t remember if the cramping I was feeling was the same or worse than before. My mind just went to the worst case scenario. 

There wasn’t anymore blood until the day before my scan when the same thing happened again. I was devastated. I just knew this was it, just like before, I was going to lose my little blueberry. 

Today I went for my scan. I cried as soon as the nurse closed the door and I was sobbing in the chair as she inserted good old Wonda and then she showed me the screen - there was my blueberry with a strong heartbeat, and everything was as it should be. 

Moral of this looooong post - don’t give up. Cramps, pressure in the abdomen, having to number 2 at least twice a day, sore as hell tits, bed by 8pm, pink discharge on occasion for no damn reason - it doesn’t have to mean it’s the end! What our bodies are doing and creating is an actual magical miracle and of course things will happen that dont ‘feel’ normal but that doesn’t have to mean the end. 

I hope this brings at least one of you some peace if you are going through the stress and worry like I was (and still am!).