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Confused, Help

edited Feb 27, 2020 12:59PM in Pregnancy
Hello Everyone.

I’m not sure if this is the appropriate forum or thread to post my story and ask for advice based on your experience. If it is not, please point me in the right direction. I have nobody to reach out to. 

I am currently lying in my bed, frozen solid from fear.

I have been with my partner for over 6 years. We were engaged but broke up - I wanted to get married and he has a phobia of marriage and amongst many other problems it was a deal breaker. We are both in a foreign country and neither of us have friends of family here so we remained companions and took care of each other even though we fought all the time. I have severe major depressive disorder which makes a difficult case for making a clean break with no other support nearby. We got back together after the 14 month break, but still live apart. We love each other dearly and take care of each other regardless of our huge differences. I apologise for any TMI.

I am currently experiencing a major pregnancy scare. I am on my second mirena (3rd year) and have been on mirena for 8 consecutive years. Never lost my period, but its short and light. Past three cycles I skipped twice in a row but had my last visit from AF. I track my periods on fitbit to have some indication of my ovulation times, and neurotically, we use a condom around that time. During my last ovulation we slipped up twice and didn’t. 

t’s 13 DPO in my 25-36 day cycle, therefore 1 day before expected/predicted period. I have tested several times using the clear blue 6 days early test and as of today still have a clear negative.

Around my last ovulation my boobs grew, areolas grew bigger, and I had deep tissue breast pain. I went to the GP and she was concerned that my boobs were engorged. My bras left imprints on my chest and she suggested being refitted for wireless bras which I did. My boobs are still heavy and the new wireless bras still put a lot of pressure on my ribs. This was of course my first indication that something was up. 

I have experienced extreme mood swings in the past two weeks. I was fine with the bra’s I got fitted for and bought them. Two hours later I threw a complete tantrum crying angrily and heartbroken about the fact that they are ugly post surgery bras and that I don’t want them. This is just one example. I have had severe fights with my partner due to my emotional reactivity.

My stress levels are through the roof and I have been through 6 months of grievance processes at work due to being bullied and harassed. I have been temporarily relocated to an office 150km away from my home for the next 6 months and spend 6 hours a day on trains 3 days a week. This started a week ago. There is also no outcome set for the end of the 6 months, so I have no job security and they mentioned that I may be sent back to the old office worst case scenario. I have a job interview tomorrow to try and get out. My pet is very ill and the vet said yesterday that I need to say goodbye, I brought her home but know its decision time. I am also going away on a well deserved week holiday in a weeks time on my own, but at this point its only bringing me stress. My partner is going away to our home country for 6 weeks at the same time, leaving me 100% on my own.

In the addition to above stress, the past week has brought about extreme fighting and extreme emotional upsets. I am far more reactive than I should be and cry angrily for hours about what upsets me. My partner said he is with me in whatever I decide to do. If we keep the potential baby, he will marry me and we will raise a family. If we decide not to, he will be by my side. The problem is he doesn’t want to get married, he believes its a bear trap and gets very defensive and cruel when potentially being forced to consider it. It has nothing to do with not wanting to marry me, its about being married itself. But I am furious and heartbroken that he is willing to suddenly put his phobia aside for a baby if I’m pregnant, but not for me as a person. In short - he will get married for a baby’s sake without wanting to be married at all. He says when the baby comes he will want to, but also that he doesn’t really want to but must for a child. This is cruel to someone in my disposition - raise a child unmarried, raise a child whilst being married to a man you know deep down doesnt want to be married to you and only did it for a child, or deal with the aftermath of an abortion. Bearing in mind thar I am highly unlikely to raise a child successfully or even bear a child with my major depressive disorder, these three potential outcomes will all be to my detriment. I need reliable safety and commitment and he is incapable of giving it to me. He’s not being very tactful, he stands by his phobia, not by me. 

So here is my breaking point: I woke up nauseous and owned it to the hands full of chocolates I ate yesterday after finding out my pet is dying, or alternatively the sushi my partner brought for dinner to comfort me which I immediately turned my nose up when opening the take away box, but proceeded to eat later. I take an anti nausea pill, skip breakfast and get myself a mocha at the train station coffee shop. I was pleasantly browsing social media in a cramped train when all of a sudden a wave of nausea hit me unlike ever before in my life. It was sudden and it was intense. I bolted off at the next stop and ran to the bathroom gagging but nothing came out. It came and went in bouts and I managed to make it back home and called in sick. I ran to the bathroom to take a test the moment I got home and it was negative 13 DPO expected ovulation and 1 day before AF is due on my normal 25/26 day cycle. I have an upset stomach but also have IBS so its nothing new. My boobs don’t hurt anymore, but the size hasn’t changed. 

Here I am lying in bed. Terrified. Sick. Exhausted. Am I pregnant. What will I do. Is it stress. Where do I turn. I ordered bulk first response tests on amazon and decided to bite the bullet and reach out, for I have nobody. 

Any thoughts welcome.


  • I just want to say first and foremost - well done on reaching out. It sounds like you're finding things incredibly tough at the moment which is completely understandable as there are a lot of things going on. 

    I believe you need to return to your GP to explain how you're feeling. Is there a mental health service available where you live? Normally GPs will be able to refer you and I hear a lot of (understandable) anxiety and upset in what you've written. But I do feel that you need to be talking to a medical professional about this so that you have a physical person who can support you. 

    Also is the GP planning to do more tests? Would you be able to request a blood test for HCG for example, at least then you can confirm / rule out pregnancy? Unfortunately at this point it's impossible to say if your symptoms are to do with a pregnancy or not. Although I'm leaning towards not pregnant as you've had negative tests, the timescales don't quite fit and with everything that is going on in your life there are number of things that could cause a number of your symptoms. 

    I really hope things turn around for you soon. Is there anyone you can contact (friends / family) who you can make aware of your situation at the moment? I know you said you don't have any nearby, but even just making them aware of what's going on and being able to talk to them could help.

    With respect to your partner and his opinions of marriage, I can definitely see why you'd be angry and upset but I'd try not to focus on that too much right now. You need to focus on yourself and getting yourself back to a place where you hopefully feel strong and in control of what's happening. 

    Good luck with everything :smile:  Let us know how you get on.

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