Low Papp a

I had previously had two boys and One was natural and my second was clomid.  This baby was also a clomid baby.

I heard the heart beat at my 16 week scan and that was ok too.

I went for my 20 week routine scan. I was discussing names in the waiting room with my husband. Our two sons were desperate to see us when we got home as we’d promised them a picture of their baby brother or sister.

The bursary has just had new carpets fitted and walls painted.

We then got the devastating news. “There’s no heartbeat. I’m so sorry”. 

My world crashed down. I went into shock and spent the next three hours in hospital filling out forms, getting blood taken and making plans for giving birth to my dead baby.

I went home for three days to wait for the pills to work and be booked in for an induction.

The shock was the worst as every forum I read was just good news story’s. 

My midwife told me I’d be fine.

I wished I’d been more prepared. Telling my 5 year old there was no more baby was the worst.

On December 24th 2019 myself and my husband buried our gorgeous girl Poppy with my grandma.

We go and visit her often and I find it helps acknowledging we had a baby rather than pretending it didn’t happen.

10 months on and I’m 18 weeks pregnant today. 

Im terrified but bloods haven’t showed low Papp a. Phew....

This was a natural pregnancy for the first time in 6 and half years of constant trying.

I’m hoping that’s a sign it’s meant to be this time.

This message isn’t meant to upset anyone.

I just wished I’d been more prepared of the risks.

The autopsy didn’t give us any answers, but the only link I can put our devastating time to is low Papp a. 

Wishing all you other mums to be the best luck as I’d never want anyone to go through what we went through.

I’m praying for a healthy baby which is due end feb 2021.