Annoyed With "Mother - In - Law"

Hi!
My boyfriends mum is beginning to be a right pain. She's really happy that she's gonna be a Grandma in May, which is great. But she keeps whinging that she feels pushed out by me and her son. We don't mean to make her feel this way. It's just that when we do try to include her in stuff to do with the baby, she tries to take over.
Examples of this happened the other day when she came over to see us, for the 1st time in about 2 months I might add, although she only lives 15 minutes away (if we want to see her, we HAVE to go to her.) She saw that we'd bought a breast pump and then had a go at us for getting it cos I might not end up breast feeding and told us to take it back. Then she had a go at us about the bedding that we've bought and told us we should have waited for her so as we could get the ones that she said.
Also she said that she won't come round to see us after the birth if any other visitors are there, as if we have to plan my family visiting around her. My family live 70miles away whereas she only lives about 15miles away.
We've heard from her other son that her husband's had a go at her cos she keeps talking about this new baby as if it's her own.
If we try to tell her how we want things to be after the birth, she doesn't listen.
I just know that she's going to turn into the Grandma / "Mother - In - Law" from Hell when the baby turns up. Things'll go from us hardly seeing her, to her pretty much ALWAYS being there. If she isn't around in person, she'll be ringing us up.
My boyfriend and I have talked about the way she's being and both agree that she's going to end up being too much, too in our faces. But, he won't tell her and won't let me tell her, which I'd gladly do.
Anyone got any advice on what to do?

[Modified by: Flump2009 on 14 March 2009 18:56:30 ]

Posts

  • The only way you'll solve this is to tell her. Best to get it sorted now before your lo is here. yes she'll be upset but this is your baby not hers. she can be there to help you - but only when you need it and ask for it. Any choices to be made are yours & your oh's. If you don't get this out in the open the resentment will simmer on and this is not good when yo have lo to look after (and you are knackered)!! Fortunately i have a good MIL but if she does do anything I'm not happy with i tell her immediately.
    Good luck with the rest of your pg xx
  • HI, i agree with ccbmummy it will be better to sort it out now than later, i got on well with mil but it has become more strained since having kids. It might help if you find her something to do that will help, like asking if she can make you some meals for the weeks after baby born so she can feel involoved.

    Re bfeeding she sounds like the sort of mil that will say you should bottle feed just so she can give lo some milk, do what you want, if you want breastfeed you go for it x

    Also it might help to sort out visiting for after the birth now, imo its best to only have oh at the hospital and then see everyone when you get home that way you two get some time together with new arrival

    Good luck

    xxDBxx
  • Ha ha-you could be describing my husband! He won't speak to his mum about stuff that bugs me either. For your own sanity, talk to her yourself-NOW! You'll be too busy with the baby to talk to her after the birth, and if you don't nip it in the bud it'll only get worse.
    My MIl and SIL are always trying to get one up on me-if i say, oh he's doing this now... One of them will say oh yes, I saw him doing it weeks ago!!!!! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!
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