marriage on the rocks... in my head at least

Coldish_Feet · Oct 9, 2009 9:22AM

I'm sorry that this is my first post... i have been an avid reader for a long time, and have been hoping to ttc for a while. Have finally decided with hubby that it will be another year or so before we can start but looking forward to it...

EXCEPT

I am feeling terrible in my marriage. We only got married 3 months ago but i I can't stand it! I have always had crushes and been really flirtatious but i am really struggling lately. Having full-blown fantasies about other people (men at work) and putting my poor husband through hell with secrecy and not telling him how i feel. I just come home grumpy and drunk because I have come on to someone at work and been rejected by them, feeling embarrased and guilty and hurt! I have no idea what is going on I feel like I am having an out of body experience and someone else is doing these things. Feel disgusted at myself!

My husband is a great guy and I find him gorgeous and sexy and everything, I just feel like it's not enough. I fully expect to be slated for this, and I'm sorry I just feel like I have no one to talk to. It would really hurt him to tell him this and he would take it really personally. God I am such a bl**dy b*tch and I can't stand myself but can't stop myself. Feel like leaving my husband but would be lost without him.

Has anyone got any idea what I can do? Please don't abuse me. I know I am stupid and selfish and vain already. My hubby deserves better but it would kill him if out marriage was to break down.... Sorry...

RTD · Oct 9, 2009 4:57AM

Hi there, i dont think anyone will abuse you, your obviously feeling very bad about your situation, my auntie was a bit like that, she knew she was doing wrong by tryin it on with other men (and women) and sed it was like someone else, so i said go to the doc she did and got put on tablets and shes so much better now, but i think all of us fantasise about some one else at some point, mine is orlando bloom! You could try really focusing on what your doing or your work and she try to ignor your feelings, but ther is no harm in flirting as long as you both no its not goin anywhere and your husband dosnt mind, x x x

charlis_angel · Oct 9, 2009 5:32AM

hi hun , i'm sure we all feel that way at times i've been with my husband for 19 years and i'm only 33! so over the years i thought about other men but i do really fancy my husband still , try and focus your fantacies onto your husband have fun together i'm sure he'd be up for it ( he's a man !!!!) lol you sound like you really love him so try and give things ago u should talk together communication is the basis of all rerlationships take care xxx

karen130770 · Oct 9, 2009 9:22AM

Hi hon

You say you can't stop it, but as an adult woman, actually you can. I think perhaps the problem is low self esteem or lack of confidence? You would be much better off trying to gain some of this rather than possibly throwing your marriage away after some unnecessary flirtatious behaviour that may go too far?

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but you sound as though you genuinely care about your marriage, and only you can fix this. I would personally go to your doctor as first port of call and ask for counselling or some therapy (the gp can usually offer a course of 6 sessions with their affiliated therapist) to explore why you feel the need to gain this attention.

In the meantime, I would avoid as many situations as possible (drinks after wark etc) until you can rein this behaviour in a bit more and if it's a problem that gets worse with drink, then obviously don't drink.

Don't mean to sound all high and mighty hon, but you obviously care about your husband and you need to stop before it all gets ruined.

Good luck.xx

marriage on the rocks... in my head at least

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