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Lazy Men
I am so frustrated with oh. Just curious, how much help do you all get from oh. From what I hear, it seems very common that women feel oh doesn't help as much as they should. I feel I haven't slept since lo was born, and oh is so ungrateful and lazy.
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Lin
My first rule is to say what I think (well a diluted version of what I'm thinking!!) men DO NOT respond to sighs, huffing and puffing etc they don't do mind reading very well either- which all too often we expect them too. I personally don't think sitting them down for one of those chats helps either coz they just get all defensive and it turns into an argument.
My oh is far from lazy- he is a house husband and does do most of the household chores but sometimes he does need a push in the right direction. Men generally aren't as fussy as women about housework so he does need asking sometimes to hoover but I just ask him-problem solved. Same with bathing kids- I know hubby doesn't particularly like doing it so I usually do but if I'm too tired rather than making it an issue I will just ask him to do it.
Sometimes they will huff and puff about being asked but I just ignore that to be honest!!
since iv been with him he has never cooked or cleaned.
we have a 3 1/2 yr old daughter who he has only looked after 3 times since she was born for no longer then 2 hours lol.
but i have to say he is starting to help abit now as i am looking after my daughter as well as beeing pregnant again
LO is very restless sleeper and oh does take it in turns getting up to settle her but moans constantly about it even though he gets more sleep than me.
Sorry started and couldn't stop then must be getting to me more than i thought!
Sorry for the rant but thats been building up all weekend! sorry girls im just so fed up of doing everything and no appreciation.
So now we have a rota, he has to emply bins upstairs 3 times a week, wash bottles & dishes on friday, saturday & sunday (I do rest of week), take care of lo for most of Saturday whilst I get on with things downstairs or go out to the shops & make him deal with daytime feeds, lunch, bottles etc during the weekend.
Now he knows what is expected & when he is much more efficient although I do have to ask if he has looked at his rota today yet but it is much better than going " have you emptied those bins yet, have you washed the bottles yet? & sound like a nag.
I still lose my temper sometimes but at least this way I feel he is doing his share but I go back to work in a couple of weeks & things will need to change again cause I wont be doing the washing up at 9pm like I do now after getting lo settled in bed, clearing up the dinner things & generally straightening the house after the day & oh buggers off upstairs to his office to mess around with his guitars.
We are to blame though cause we complain & never do anything about it but I decided enough was enough & although oh was always good with lo changing nappies & playing with him he wouldn't ever think about the rest of it like housework, making bottles & lo's weaning food so made the rota & life is a lot happier.
Ok my rant over sorry and thanks for listening. Such a relief
My oh has just got the hang of helping out after 3 weeks of me going mental at him but then realized that wasn't the way to do it!
I kept expecting him just to know what to do where and when, so I just asked him..'Can you do the washing up please?' 'Can you change lo nappy?' I think the thing with most men is they don't just do things like us, they need to be asked!!
Aideen how do you put up with that! I mean its not just that he dont do things,but the way hes talking to you dont sound right to me! Was this 4th baby planned? sorry for asking but hubby sounds either mega stressed or not happy about something.........I had togo into hospital and no body ever wants to go in and if they do then it must be hell at home! So either way he should be concerned! My oh dont do much around d house at all but if he talked to me like that when im that ill id bloody throttle him!
Try it, you might just find it saves your sanity (& maybe marriage too
i know i am spoiled by my husband. Because he used to be a chef he is very domesticated. He also used to do a lot of work at home when he was in his teens as his dad had a brain tumour and his mum was out at work so he cooked tea for the family and looked after his little sister.
He is great around teh house - he washes up most nights (and since being pregnant has made me sit down straight after tea and hardly lets me help); he cooks (although we tend to share the cooking), he cleans, puts the washing machine on, i get a cup of tea brought up to me every morning (even did this before i got pregnant), defrosts my car on frosty mornings, unpacks the groceries for me. The only things he doesnt do is iron or garden which is fine by me.
If i go out shopping for the day, i will come back and he will have done some housework, done a few loads of washing and hung it out, and probably made something like soup or chilli by the time i get home.
Reading some of your posts has made me realise how great he is and i;m going to try even harder to show him how much i apprecaite it.