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A day I will never forget..........

Hiya

On Tuesday 13th March I went for my first scan ( it would have been our first baby) (was very nearly 12 weeks) and I was told that there was no heart beat, so three scans later I was told that there was definately no heart beat, just a very small foetus and the pregnancy sac. I was sent away for a week and I was to go back the following Tuesday to discuss what happens next, so went away from the hospital on what should have been one of the best moments of my life but we were totally mortified.

Anyway on Friday, I started to bleed and ended up being in severe pain, the pain that I had I could not describe, it was awful and at 2am on Saturday I was admitted to hospital and ended up having my miscarriage in hospital, I passed my poor baby in a bedpan and subsequently saw it, a sight I will never forget.

That was nearly two weeks ago and I feel like I am starting to feel better although the bleeding is a constant reminder, but the only thing that I can't get over was all the pain that I went through for nothing.

chelle
x

[Modified by: michelle1977 on 27 March 2007 21:31:38 ]

Replies

  • Chelle, I am so sorry chick. I don't have anything to say that will help make the way you are feeling go away but I just wanted you to know that there is always someone on here who will do their best to help. I lost my first baby in very different circumstances (I only found out I was pregnant when I started to bleed so it never really seemed like a pregnancy, which was easier.) and the only thing I can say is that although you will never forget it does get less painful as time goes on. Thinking of you sweetie, stay strong
    Kerry xx
  • I have been through something similar, and it's really sad. But, someone told me something that made me feel better.
    The main reason for miscarriage is that the pregnancy is unhealthy. It's hard to get over, I know, but there are reasons for everything. Time is the greatest healer.
    I have gone on to have a healthy baby and now I hardly ever look back. Hope this helps at all.
    Take care
    Jakki xxxx
  • So sorry to hear your sad news. Similar thing happened 2 me twice. Lost one baby a 16 wks (little girl) then got pregnant again quickly and lost that baby at 11 wks. You will start to feel better but be aware that people dont know what to say and can be careless in what they say, things such as there is always a reason and its for the best seem harsh at the time but are generally meant well. Also experience has shown me that time is a great healer. Cry when you need to and be angry too if you feel like it you will feel better soon. Take care x
  • Hi Michelle,

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Your emotions will be all over the place at the moment but Hayley is right, time is a great healer. You need to take each day at a time and don't expect too much of yourself. Coming on this site has really helped me. My m/c was early at 6 weeks so nothing in comparison to your experience, but still the loss of a much wanted baby. At least you know you can concieve. I am sure that life will get more positive for you. Take care. George, x

  • Chelle

    I am so sorry for your loss. I have been through a similar experience except I ended up going for a D&C as I don't think my body had any intention of getting rid of my baby...

    Take it easy and don't overdo things, friends and family may find it difficult to talk about it but there are lots of people on here who have been through similar things so come on an rant or rave if it helps. I am realising that it takes time to get over something like this. I think I tried to get up and back to normal far too soon and things have only just hit me, I also seem to be in the middle of a friends and family baby boom which hasn't helped.

    I wish I could say something to make it better but think it just takes time...

    Take it easy.

    Lots of love and Hugs

    Ali
  • Im so sorry to hear about your news, i cant begin to imagine how you must be feeling.
    i hope that you have lots of support from family & friends and that time is the best healer, it really is.
    Again, im so sorry to hear about this it's so sad, thinking of you. let us know how things go please & take care. Sophia x
  • Hi there, i have read the your post so many times but couldnt leave a reply cos i was lost for words.

    This is a very hard subject to approach & i know from experience that no matter what anyone says nothing anyone can say makes you feel better.

    All i would like to say to you is we are ALL here for you, even if you just need to moan or shout at somebody.

    I bled for 5 weeks when i last m/c i know how hard it is. Best of luck

    Tess*
  • Hi there, i have read the your post so many times but couldnt leave a reply cos i was lost for words.

    This is a very hard subject to approach & i know from experience that no matter what anyone says nothing anyone can say makes you feel better.

    All i would like to say to you is we are ALL here for you, even if you just need to moan or shout at somebody.

    I bled for 5 weeks when i last m/c i know how hard it is. Best of luck

    Tess*

    Agreed xxx
  • im so srry hun it does get easier it just takes time i am still not over my m/c and it was in jan but coming on here talking to people helps because they have been through the same so know exactly how you feel i hope you start feeling better soon love anita x x x
  • What you will find is the more people you confide in, the more people you will discover have been through exactly what you have just done. It's like a secret club and you are now a member who will get support from every woman who knows what you are going through, and will subsequently give support to others.
    One piece of advice I was given was don't ever forget that baby or try to block it out, plant a tree or do something to remember the love that you have for him or her. Try again soon, and remember we are all thinking of you. XX
  • I agree with lisa marie. We planted a bush in our garden called snow white it is supposed to flower early May ( this is when we lost our baby) although it is 4 years since it happened I still have the occasional wobble but when I see our bush growing larger every year it is a great comfort.
  • hi all!
    Yep i'm a new comer to this whole baby website thing. Firstly, Michelle so sorry to hear your loss. After reading your message, you encouraged me to join up and realise there's many other hopeful mothers to be out there...
    It was 3rd of January this year that i went for my first scan for my first baby. As i lay there on the bed while the nurse looked for my baby on the scan, i heard these painful words: 'There is something wrong with the baby'. My baby had an increasing amount of fluid at the back of the neck which later they discovered was a 'Cystic Hygroma' (where in the meoisis division a chromosome didn't divide properly) Something i'd never even heard of before and something i even find hard to gather information on now! By my second scan the fluid was spreading in to my baby's chest. I was booked in to the Gynae Ward and gave birth to my still baby at 13 weeks. I passed the option to see my baby in whatever state it was and held a funeral on 1st February. The funeral definately helped me to gain some kind of closure on this situation. However, 2 months on and i still have wobbly days where i will cry and others where i look forward to having children someday.
    I can't help feeling envious when other people are expecting or when i see other new borns. My baby was due on 17th July. Even though i'm not expecting anymore, for some reason i still count down the weeks to the delivery. It's all natural. Don't expect to recover straight away or maybe even at all. But we all have hope that we can still concieve compared to those who are told they never can. Keep trying!! I am.X
  • Wow macy.

    I never realised you could have a funeral for a 13week old pregnancy.

    I guess you learn a new thing everyday***

    Best of luck ttc*
  • hiya michelle1977 ive been through very similar things to you i had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks and didnt know til i went for my 12 week scan and i was told they was no baby just a sac, i had to go 4 a scan every monday morning, i wasnt bleeding 4 sum reason my body wasnt rejecting my baby and it never did in the end i had to have a d+c 2 days b4 my 22nd b-day in january, i found out at new year what had happened so not a very good start to my 2007 was it. i was bleeding 4 a full 4 weeks after i had the d+c 1 saturday night i went to the toilet b4 i managed to sit down i noticed a tiny thing with features to me it looked like the beginnings of a baby the hospital told me it was probably just some lining but im sure it wasnt. well take care bye 4 now love babylove21! XXX :\?
  • Dear Michelle,

    My heart breaks for you reading your message. As you can see from all the replies m/c is sadly so common, but I know from experience that doesn't make it any easier. I also lost my first baby at 13 weeks in hospital and it was one of the most devastating experiences of my life. After the physical pain, I was left with a horrible feeling of emptiness which I guess is what you're going through.

    Even now, it makes me cry to think about it, even though I now have a beautiful 11 week old son who I adore. You just have to believe that there will be a happy ending for you too and even though it's a dreadful thing to go through, it will make you a stronger, more compassionate person and when you do have a baby, as I'm sure you will, he or she will be even more wanted and loved.

    All the best,

    Becky xx

  • The hospital and staff were really good. I went for a burial and the hospital chaplain gave a speech and readings. Was such a peaceful day for both of us. I'm glad i made what decisions i did. I don't regret giving birth to my baby having it to hold or not.

    Wishing you luck. x
  • Hi Michelle, Just a few words to say how sorry I am to read your post and to all the other ladies that have lost their babies. i too have had a very similar experience. I lost my baby boy, Nathan, at 18 weeks due to a very rare neural tube defect called anencephaly. We also had a funeral for our boy and it is the most awful time for any mother.

    No words can describe how utterly sad it is but knowing that others have felt similar does help as you realise that you're not on your own and you do have support.

    The sadness never goes away but it does get easier to deal with, i promise you.

    Take care x x x x
  • All I can say is thank you for you replies, you have no idea how much better I feel in myself just reading your replies and even just writing down what happened.

    I think that I will always be tormented by what happened and even though it has happened to lots of people, it doesn't make it any easier.

    Two weeks ago I planted a lovely pink camellia in my garden as a memory, it has the brightest pink flowers.

    Thank you again for your kind words

    chelle
  • Hi Michelle, i hope you get past this soon & although its not something you get over, hopefully you will learn to accept it more. I wish you all the luck in the world.

    Tess***
  • hi all, i am sorry to hear of your loss chelle. this is such an emotional subject and really does make you realise how cruel life can be sometimes. we found out at our dating scan that our little girl had downs syndrome but her heart scan revealed nothing wrong.we were so happy at that point as we thought her heart was good so she had a good chance but at our 20 week scan we found out she had a piece of her brain missing (partial agenesis of the vermis) which could have led to hydrocephalus. like macy we struggled to find any information about this and were told that she would have most likely been very poorly if she had made it to term. we made the agonising decision to terminate. she was 20wks 5 days when i delivered and was the tiniest, most perfect baby i have ever seen. everyone says time is a great healer and i guess there must be some truth in it but as yet for me it doesn't seem the case. i don't think there are any hard and set rules as to how long you can grieve for. i dread the day lucy was due (july 2nd) and i too cannot stop myself looking enviously at other pregnant women and little babies almost to the point where i feel i am torturing myself. i hope the hospital care cj received is a one off rather than the norm as that kind of care really does add insult to injury. i hope your pain does lessen each day chelle and to everyone else also who has had to go through such trauma. x
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