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(not baby related) but my heads a mess...

This isnt baby related but i feel i need to get it off my chest anyway if just to find some clarity....
i just got an email off my dad who i've not seen for 20years...
i dont know what to think, what to say, i just feel in such a muddle.
the last time i saw him i think i was 2, he was an alcoholic and i dont know much about him really except that he went to prison for petty crime and while there my mum cheated on him with my stepdad (who's single handedly bought me up since my mum ran off when i was 11) i know its all probably tmi for strangers but i just am so confused. i dont want to upset my 'dad' as he's always there for me and i dont want him to feel hurt but since my LO arrived i've been feeling lonely and wondering about both my mum and my real dad a lot, then this came out the blue after 20 odd years and i just feel like crying. What do i say? ask? do i meet him? do i tell him about harry? i gave up smoking when i was preg....now i really want to smoke....this wines not even touching the sides...sorry ladies for this long rant, writing it down is feeling slightly thereputic actually....what do i do??? ahhh.....

Replies

  • hi babe didnt want to read and run..have you told your "dad" that he has been in touch?? its not some thing you should think of as a secret you should be up front about things as it sound like your "dad" loves you very much to have brought you up alone he sound like a sound guy and would help you with any decicions you make it would be a good idea to email and ask any questions you might have ie wher he has been for 20 years as there is always 2 sides to every tale good luck babe
    fea x
  • Hey hun...

    If i were in your position id be just as confused as you.... Before you do anything, you should really decide what the pros and cons are of replying to the email.... What will you and your known family gain or lose from the contact and potential relationship that your biologial father may want to build with you? Do you have a desire to get to know him?? Will it create happiness or confusion in the life that you managed to create without him there for all those years??

    At the end of the day, doing whats right for you is the main thing.... Your dad (the man who raised you) will be supportive of any decision you make. Because thats what people who love eachother do.... It could hurt him, but he wont love you any less for being in this predicament and will be there for you regardless.

    I once heard that any man can be a daddy, but it takes a real man to be a father..... Sounds to me that you scored yourself a real decent man to raise you, even though hes not blood, he's more than that image You may find closure in meeting with your biological father? Or you may find that what you have right now is just fine by you image Either way, you'll know if its right for you.

    I really hope you can find your way.

    Good luck
  • Thanks for your support, i've been a mess all day, i replied so i've constantly been cheaking my inbox. My partner is not very supportive so after a bottle of wine to help me think clearly(!!) i thought i'd let it all out somewhere else (on here) so thanks for taking the time to offter a few nice words i nearly cried again reading them (i think im all soppy now since Harry was born). I've not said anything to my dad yet as i am worried on the effect it may have on him. You are right he is wonderful, but he is also an alcoholic so it is a subject i will need to get to carefully with him so that he doesnt drink himself into oblivion (which he does anytime he has any emotional issues to deal with) and that is the reason i worry too. However, i've asked him around for dinner tomorrow and will see what happens then, i think the timing is key along with reassurance. I've never felt the need to contact my biological dad and was not prepared for how it may make me feel, its created so many questions now...but the ball is rolling and i'm just going to go along with what i feel comfortable and try to be as honest as possible, without being unkind to him, i understand that he will have his own version of what happened and i'd like to find out. Its made me realise i'm not as strong as i thought, so again, thankyou both for replying.
    xxx
  • hi,i also didnt want to read and run.

    my dad has just got into touch with my half sister after about 20 odd years of not speaking or seeing her he found her on facebook and i no how hard it was for him to have the courage to do that,i cn understand how she feels(he got a not so nice email back frm her)but i no how much it would mean to him to see her and make peace,i also had a step dad who was with me for 12 years he and my mum are divorced now but i still speak to him.

    your 'dad' will prob still feel a bit sad when you tell him but i would hope he would understand if you are curious as he prob will be also,i think you just have to let him no how much he has and still means to you

    sometimes its not gr8 to wollow in the past as you may never know what really went on on,or if you are told the truth

    i think its better to start a new,i'm not saying forgive him as i dnt feel ppl ever forget but if you want him in your life maybe give him a chance,because if i could i would be telling my half sister to please give our dad a chance because he is a gr8 guy and loves all his family very much
  • Hi, well we've been in contact, slowly, little by little, still got so many questions but like i said, slowly. And i've not held a grudge but its so emotional as he's telling me so much that i did, what i was like, my 'family' that i never knew and the hardest thing is knowing all these people where part of my life and cared for me and have all these memories of me and i cant remember anything...he's going to post some pics he's kept, i'm hoping that jogs my memory x
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