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(not baby related) but my heads a mess...
This isnt baby related but i feel i need to get it off my chest anyway if just to find some clarity....
i just got an email off my dad who i've not seen for 20years...
i dont know what to think, what to say, i just feel in such a muddle.
the last time i saw him i think i was 2, he was an alcoholic and i dont know much about him really except that he went to prison for petty crime and while there my mum cheated on him with my stepdad (who's single handedly bought me up since my mum ran off when i was 11) i know its all probably tmi for strangers but i just am so confused. i dont want to upset my 'dad' as he's always there for me and i dont want him to feel hurt but since my LO arrived i've been feeling lonely and wondering about both my mum and my real dad a lot, then this came out the blue after 20 odd years and i just feel like crying. What do i say? ask? do i meet him? do i tell him about harry? i gave up smoking when i was preg....now i really want to smoke....this wines not even touching the sides...sorry ladies for this long rant, writing it down is feeling slightly thereputic actually....what do i do??? ahhh.....
i just got an email off my dad who i've not seen for 20years...
i dont know what to think, what to say, i just feel in such a muddle.
the last time i saw him i think i was 2, he was an alcoholic and i dont know much about him really except that he went to prison for petty crime and while there my mum cheated on him with my stepdad (who's single handedly bought me up since my mum ran off when i was 11) i know its all probably tmi for strangers but i just am so confused. i dont want to upset my 'dad' as he's always there for me and i dont want him to feel hurt but since my LO arrived i've been feeling lonely and wondering about both my mum and my real dad a lot, then this came out the blue after 20 odd years and i just feel like crying. What do i say? ask? do i meet him? do i tell him about harry? i gave up smoking when i was preg....now i really want to smoke....this wines not even touching the sides...sorry ladies for this long rant, writing it down is feeling slightly thereputic actually....what do i do??? ahhh.....
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Replies
fea x
If i were in your position id be just as confused as you.... Before you do anything, you should really decide what the pros and cons are of replying to the email.... What will you and your known family gain or lose from the contact and potential relationship that your biologial father may want to build with you? Do you have a desire to get to know him?? Will it create happiness or confusion in the life that you managed to create without him there for all those years??
At the end of the day, doing whats right for you is the main thing.... Your dad (the man who raised you) will be supportive of any decision you make. Because thats what people who love eachother do.... It could hurt him, but he wont love you any less for being in this predicament and will be there for you regardless.
I once heard that any man can be a daddy, but it takes a real man to be a father..... Sounds to me that you scored yourself a real decent man to raise you, even though hes not blood, he's more than that You may find closure in meeting with your biological father? Or you may find that what you have right now is just fine by you Either way, you'll know if its right for you.
I really hope you can find your way.
Good luck
xxx
my dad has just got into touch with my half sister after about 20 odd years of not speaking or seeing her he found her on facebook and i no how hard it was for him to have the courage to do that,i cn understand how she feels(he got a not so nice email back frm her)but i no how much it would mean to him to see her and make peace,i also had a step dad who was with me for 12 years he and my mum are divorced now but i still speak to him.
your 'dad' will prob still feel a bit sad when you tell him but i would hope he would understand if you are curious as he prob will be also,i think you just have to let him no how much he has and still means to you
sometimes its not gr8 to wollow in the past as you may never know what really went on on,or if you are told the truth
i think its better to start a new,i'm not saying forgive him as i dnt feel ppl ever forget but if you want him in your life maybe give him a chance,because if i could i would be telling my half sister to please give our dad a chance because he is a gr8 guy and loves all his family very much