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confused newbie


I'm 33, single and have just found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant - so not planned! Whilst I'm happy that I'm pregnant, the father isn't. He really want me to have a termination, but I can't. Despite his feelings, he is going to come to the mw with me on Monday!!

Does anyone have any advise on how to get over the guilt I'm feeling about him not having a decision in this? Also, I'm so worried about m/c, any advise how to relax about it?? I'd really appreciate any reply, as I feel a bit alone right now.



  • hi, congratz and welcome

    i don't really have any advice for u but didn't wanna read and run. i do think that u shldn't feel guilty about making a desicion thats right for u and at the end of the day it is ur choice, ur body, ur baby. its great that he is over coming his feelings and coming with u to see the mw. also its pefectly normal to worry about mc and again i don't think anyone can offer u advice on how not to worry about that cos i'm certain that 99.9% of women are almost constantly worried of something going wrong right the way thru pregnancy, i know i am. the only thing is not to worry so much that u actually stress urself out and make urself ill with it, and if u do have any serious concerns then speak to ur gp or mw, even if u feel silly like u might be wasting their time cos ur not, they wld prefer u go to them and something not be wrong than to sit at home worrying and not knowing and then heaven forbid there is.

    also anytime u have questions, u can come on here, u'll always find that someone will reply even if not straight away. and may i suggest to u that u check out the 'due june 09' forum if u haven't already as there will be girls in there that are going thru similar things and changes at the same time as u

    hope u have a happy and healthy 8 months to go image


  • My friend found she was preg after a drunken night and the dad was also not best pleased - she decided to carry on though and they have an amicable relationship for the babies sake. I think they did have quite a few heart to hearts and she gave him the option of completely walking away as she felt it was unfair to make him stay involved if he didn't choose to.
    It can work out and even if you don't have a relationship anymore he has already shown that he will offer some support which can only be a good thing. Lots of men (with you or not) are frightened at the beginning and go on to be great dads??
  • Hi Siany,

    Thanks for the lovely welcome and support. It's so nice knowing that I'm not alone in this, and that everyone feels worried about something or other - no matter the circumstances.

    Have a happy 21 weeks!!


  • Hi Camlo

    Thank you so much for the message - it's made me feel a bit more optimistic abut things.

    The Dad and I had one of the heart to hearts last night, with both of us crying on the phone. In a strange way, it's made be feel better that we had a good cry together! Her's hoping we'll stay friends and raise a happy baby.

  • Hey

    Children are blessings. Some men can be very flipant about terminations...our little one was conceived together, 50/50 responsibility. You're being very strong and making the right decsions for you.

    I congratulate you on your pregnancy, its one of the best moments of your life, enjoy every minute. I hope this ex partner of yours accepts responsibility.

    We're all here for you. Sending you lots of best wishes.

  • Sorry I meant to write 'Your little one'... not 'our little one' xx
  • Weigh up the options Killing the baby Isn't, you will be ridiculed and slandered for the rest of your life unless there's a better reason. Reason with him if he's impossible then seek help from social don't worry they don't just take the baby they help you with your decisions.

    My best advice is try to sort out the future for the baby before he's born I didn't get the chance with mine. Love you babe Rob!

  • Sorry when I wrote the one before I was looking at the top of the page not your last reply woops! sorrrry :roll:
  • Hi

    I'm in a similar situation. It was a total shock for me and my partner and completely unplanned. My partner hasn't told me he wants me to have a termination, however he was trying to push towards this as he doesn't think he's ready and this would mess his plans up (he wanted to be married first and do everything in the right order!).

    The thought of a termination concerns me, I'm not sure I can do it & think i'll probably regret it and when he saw how upset and depressed I was getting, he's slowly starting to show more support. We do have an appointment at an abortion clinic this week, but in my eyes it's only to see how far I am and what the risks are. At the moment, nothing is decided so obviously I'm still so worried about it all.

    I'm 26, partner is 28 (so not too young I don't think!) It's just my job isn't secure (as per my worried posts on this website!).

    Anyway, good luck and if you want this baby - don't let him make you do something you might regret. I don't want to regret this myself that's why i'm thinking hard about everything first.

  • Hi

    Thank you all for the much needed support. Just a quick update....

    The Dad is still completely freaked out, but came to the mw with me, and is being supportive. Think he is more worried about this than I am - mind you it still feels totally unreal to me. In a bizarre way, I'd quite like morning sickness so I could actually feel pg!!!

    Snowangel, I really feel for you, how many weeks are you pg??. I hope you take your own advice, and do what is right for you. Don't worry about the job situation - I don't even have one (have just started a full time degree at Uni!) but I know that my (our) baby will be loved, and that no parent ever has enough money.

  • Hi - i'm approximated 6 weeks (will find out exactly how far on Tuesday).
    I know i've got to make a decision based on what I want and not my job (even though that still worries me!) but I don't want to force a baby upon my partner if he's not ready. I love him loads and don't want to ruin the relationship - but part of me wonders if I did teminate and regretted it, that might ruin it anyway image

  • snowangel-- everyone knows that when you have sex there's a chance of a baby and no man ever says no to sex!!i would seriuosly think about what you want before the termination.if its not what you want then everytime you think about what you have done to your child you will just resent your oh.
    its harder for men, women can feel a connection with the baby straight away and the lo is real to them but men have nothing to help it hit home. my oh didnt register til she started kicking!! would he be able to kill a newborn if it was put in front of him? cuz thats what its like for us women. hope he understands soon xx
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