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Hi

I haven't been on for a while. A couple months ago I was eventully diagnoised with PND and put onto Fluxotine and I thought this is great, but a few weeks ago my mum has had a whole lot of problems and has been piling the pressure on. On top of that the family dog had to be put down. I had to go with the dog and stay right to the very end. I hadn't realised how much his death affected me. Due to my Mum not being strong enough to take the dog. My Dad has gone into a deep depresssion. So the strains were put more and more onto me, and I snapped two weeks ago, I had a fight with my over half and i locked myself in the bathroom and strated scratching and scraping my arm. Then She had a bad day, I had my period I was sore and tired and it always seems to happen whn my husband is on back shift, just when I want that extra sleep to recharge my batteries. and I did it again I was a little more vicious.

I had a great H V but she got ill and isn't expected to come back. My own doctor is on holiday. So I seen another doctor today. I ve admitted to self harming and at the same time I don't feel proud of what I did, I am scared for the baby. He says I am an impulsive mother and might harm my baby. That poses a slight risk. This is scaring me. What if she has a bruise or a cut in later life are they going to blame me for it. I love my daughter I would walk through hell and high water. I wouldn't dream of laying a finger on her. Shes my life and I won't let anyone take her away from me. I am addressing my problems Ive already spoken to my mum just to ease of me and instead of bombarding me with problems. Just one at a time and go easy on me to get myself sorted out. Yes I have a temper I need to sort that out. I have been given a number to contact some mental heath community group where I am based, and this doctor will speak to the new HV. Thats fine, but why do I feel I have failed my daughter for being like this.

I ve been through a rough deal, Trouble with breastfeeding without support, my OH does a lot of late shifts every 2 weeks so I ve been left to cope with that, pluse dealing with PND and an Over Active Throid condition that I have been told can go tback to normal then go over and then under. I have problems downstairs. Something isn't right down there and I am getting that sorted out.

Ok I ve been under a lot more stress than this and dealt with. Why is this so hard. I just couldn't think what I would do without our daughter. I don't trust social workers. They punish the wrong people and the vunerable children out there slip through the loop. I don't want to be punished. I am very strong and determined person, but not without my baby.

Please help, I am seeing my normal doctor in 2 weeks. I need to put my mind to rest before that. I have thrown the tool out I used to self harm. :cry:

[Modified by: LD on 18 October 2007 22:45:08 ]

Replies

  • Hi there,
    Just read your post and its sounds like you have gone past breaking point. You have to be strong for your daughter, she needs her mummy. You cannot help your emotion's and feelings. Go to the mental health group and talk about your problems, i'm sure it will help.
    A few years ago I went through a period of depression and I saw a counsellor which really helped (not PND, completely unrelated) and had anti-depressants. Eventually I got over it and came out the other side a better person and i'm sure you can to.
    Just letting you know i'm thinking about you.
  • well done! u have contacted docs and spoken to ur mum about easing off and u r aware that wat u r doing to ur self isnt helping, the very fact that u have done this shows wat a good mother u are and how much u love ur baby, i agree with sara-e-poos, go to the group,hun u may find talking to someone who understands to be the best therapy,
    and there is always someone on here to listen when things get too much hun. xxx
  • Hi, I've just read your post & my heart goes out to you x you're doing all the right things, the hardest part is admitting you have a problem & asking for help & you're doing that, be proud of yourself.
    You are coping with so much stress/anxiety/pressure/tiredness/illness, I used to self harm as well & it is a way of coping & feeling in control when everything else around you feels out of control, it gives you a feeling of relief & makes all the emotional hurt/turmoil that you can't cope with into something physical that you can deal with, it's a way of expressing & showing the emotional pain you are in.
    It's very very hard for people who haven't experienced this to understand, it's not like a suicide attempt as a cry for help, it is about regaining control.
    Sometimes the responsibilty of being a mum can become overwhelming when you don't even feel you can be responsible for your own life, but like I said, you are asking for help & that shows you are in control even though it may not feel like it.
    It may take time but please believe that your days won't always feel dark, the sun will shine for you again xxx
  • Hi

    Just to thank you for the advice, it has helped. I am going to make an appointment to speak to my own doctor.

    I have a very strong feeling these feelings have something to do with the Over Active Throid. I think it may have gone Under now. I am feeling very tired and sluggish even after a sleep. These seem to be all direct to it/ I assume I will get blood taken again.

    The other thing is. My OH and I finally got down to business it was ok, but it was slightly uncomfortable, I still feel slightly senstive and I can't go on top as it is too painful. I did have a 2nd degree tear. I am going to the hospital in Nov as there was a flap of skin there. Is this normal? or I am going mad?

    Lesley:\?
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