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sex after having a baby

hi everyone this is on a personal basis just wondered if there r any other mums haviong the problem i am which is since having my son 20 weeks ago i really find it hard to get close to my husband as a normal bloke he wants to get intamate but im just not interested at all im so tired that when i go to bed i just want to sleep as my lo wakes 3/4 times a nite so as you can imagine i havent had a good nites sleep for 5 minths now its really getting me down as he is always going on at me about it saying i dont love him i keep telling him its not that im just extremely tired

so please advice needed xx sarah


  • i know how you are feeling my lo is 9 months old now and although does sleep through the night she is a very active baby and doesnt sleep much during day. im so exhausted at the end of the day all i want to do is sleep. deep down i would love to be intimate with my oh but tirdness just takes over. to be honest these days its once in a blue moon. they just dont seem to understand how tires we get. if i can relax properly i enjoy it but only after bath and a wee massage to relax but how often do we get time for that.
  • Perhaps this could be nicely sorted by a trading. You'll take care of his needs if he does take care of yours. Could you tell him, I'll happily come to bed with you, if then you get up each time tonight with lo. Then hubby gets to feel loved and you get some much needed sleep. Or if you are bf could hubby not get up after the early morning feed and take lo out in pram for two or three hours for you to lie in? Perhaps suggest coming home with nice breakfast after letting you lie in, he might just get some every nightimage.

    Don't worry though I think there is a new mum alive who wouldn't back you up and say that exhaustion is a huge intamacy killer. But it will get easier as lo sleeps more and more over time.
  • Me too. My lo was born 5 months ago and i've completely lost my sex drive. I'm lucky that he doesn't go on about it constantly but does mention it from time to time. I tell my oh that i'm tired because of looking after both children all day, (i also have a 20 month old). He kind of understands and I try and compramise with sex once a week and once we start i seem to get in the mood but if it was left up to me I wouldn't bother.
  • Nice idea Abeasley.....................Ufffffffffffff I have d same prob but on d opp side................Yeah I know? Anyone got any suggestions for that!
  • has anyone noticed that men still want sex even if they are about to collapse from exhaustion! How do they do it?
    Sometimes I feel like sex earlier in the day when I have more energy but by bedtime I am exhausted and sex is deffinately the last thing on my mind!
    I agree with the give and take suggestion - you can have sex if you get up and do the night feeds!- love it. My 2nd is due in Feb and will definately be remembering this one.

    It is worse however, if you just dont feel like sex even when you are not tired. It is really hard to turn it on when the desire just isnt there. Women and mens are definately wired differently though arent they. I just cant imagine making my oh have sex with me just because I want to and all they way through knowing he wasnt enjoying it and wishing I would hrry up! Men don seem to notice this or if they do they shut it out of their minds and are focused only on the end result, so to speak!!
    What is the answer, I definately havent a clue! xx
  • ok girls i can totally sympathise with u all,as i know how tiring it is with lo,and i wish i could give better suggestions. But i would really like to hear any suggestions from u with regards the other way around. As its a prob 4 me. My oh is a once a week, and i would be happy with at least 3 times. I dont think im a freak...............Hes always so tired,stays up tho playing pc games. Uffffff ive talked to him about it and he says hes too tired. Ive kinda given up. But i do get frustrated. I feel so much closer to my partner with a active sex life. Ive tried d usual saucy underwear,romantic dinner etc,but he dont take d initiative and it kinda loses its moment if i just have to suggest outright...know what i mean.
    Is there anyone out there in the same boat as i feel very alone and sinking................
  • hi ya girls thanks for the advice its just really hard as i breast feed so its always me having to get up in the nite and i have two other kids as well so all the cleaning i have to do as well as lo not being well so he needs cuddles all day i just seem to do every thing from house work sorting out the bills and the diy as he never gets it done im exhusted and just find myself still going .
  • Yes Bex I know what you mean! My oh is fine with once a week but I would much rather it was 2-4 times! I try so hard sometimes and feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall! arrrgh men!!!
    As for not wanting it during the early days, I was the same until my lo started sleeping thro the night. Once I was getting a proper night sleep then my sex drive came back! x x x
  • I know what you mean too Bex. Once a week for us but I can't convince him for more. So annoying. Says he's tired from work etc. And I'm not???
  • Hi Sarah and Evab, havent had chance to chat recently..... Its very frustrating cause you here loads a men moaning bout there missues not wanting,then u here bout d girls moaning there guys wont leave em alone,so u end up feeling d odd one out. Leah has been sleeping all night since she was 4 theres no excuse really. ive initiated a couple v times but not always sucessfull,which makes u feel like a sex starved freak or it tends to take d passion out v it a bit....................................
    2 b honest ive kinda given up and sort a got used to it,but u gotta b careful not to start fantasizing if u get attention from other guys,which is what hap 2 me last thurs on a girls night out.
    I was totally behaved and even my oh would v been proud,but i carnt deny i didnt enjoy d attention.....................
  • We have sat down and talked about this too many times 4comfort to be honest holly. 2 be honest i dont c how my other half is suffering...............................................He deffinatley knows im interested if its me always harrasing him for sex,its more d other way round in my opinion. its me who feels hes not interested. Or were u refering to the other mums holly?
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