Ectopic

Hi

Last April the 9th my baby was removed from my tube leaving me feeling empty lonely and confussed, One minute I was pregnant with my fourth child!! as happy as could be, the next moment I am doubled over with excrutiating pain in one side. I thought it might of been my appendix but I put off going to the hospital (scared) in the end I couldn't bear the pain any more so I went to A&E, I was supprised how quickly I was seen, Then I was scanned internally had bloods taken then I was told I would need an operation just to see what was going on but it might be an ectopic and if so blah blah, All i can remember is sobbing and begging them to be carefull if its not an ectopic and asking over can't you place it in my womb? and being told sorry thats just not possible. When i woke up i was told it was an ectopic and that i was very lucky i had come in when i did or i might have died, apharently my baby was at the point of bursting the tube. I had my baby and tube removed, feeling very low, yet i was placed in a ward with pregnant women, one women next to me kept moaning about how fidgety her baby was being wishing it out of her, I was wishing my baby was in me.
Surely there should be a seperate ward for women who lose their babies, my friend had a m/c and was put on a ward where she could hear the newborn babies crying, surely that is just cruel.
I just wanted to get all of this off of my chest as its coming up to the anniversary of our loss and I can feel the saddness of it all coming back.
In the same breath, we are feeling it might be time to try again. Although i am scared i had an early m/c shortly after the ectopic for which i feel completly responsable for i should of waited until i had recovered more.