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[b]Nursery vs Grandparents[/b]
When our baby son was born in Nov 06 it was already decided that when I returned to work (part time) he would be looked after by my parents. Since then my mother (who quit smoking after 40 years the minute she found out i was pregnant
) has started smoking again. I am completely against smoking and am adamant that my son will not be going to my parents house whilst she is still smoking. She is welcome at our house anytime to visit him but we are mow looking into putting him into nursery when I go back to work. My mother is extremely hurt by this and is now saying "why should I bother giving up if he's going to nursery ?" It feels like we're in a vicious circle with her saying she's not gonna give up if he goes to nursery and us saying he's gonna go to nursery if she doesn't give up. Am I being unreasonable or should I stick to my guns to keep him away from my parent smokey home???? Help!
) has started smoking again. I am completely against smoking and am adamant that my son will not be going to my parents house whilst she is still smoking. She is welcome at our house anytime to visit him but we are mow looking into putting him into nursery when I go back to work. My mother is extremely hurt by this and is now saying "why should I bother giving up if he's going to nursery ?" It feels like we're in a vicious circle with her saying she's not gonna give up if he goes to nursery and us saying he's gonna go to nursery if she doesn't give up. Am I being unreasonable or should I stick to my guns to keep him away from my parent smokey home???? Help! 0
Replies
We are living in a different in a different world these days and scientists are virtually unanimous in their views on second hand smoke and just how dangerous is it. Perhaps you can show your Mum this report which was commissioned by the Department of Health when they were considering introducing the smoking ban in public places:
http://www.dh.gov.uk/prod_consum_dh/groups/dh_digitalassets/@dh/@en/documents/digitalasset/dh_4101475.pdf
Sorry to sound like a bookworm but my job relates to all this stuff! This report points out a whole raft of illnesses that can affect children in smoky environments, and you're absolutely right to want to protect your LO from these very real dangers.
However, it probably breaks your Mum's heart to be left out of her grandchild's development like this. Do you know what her reasons are for starting smoking again? Is she under more stress or fed-up or was there a trigger that made her start again? It could be none of these things. I used to be a smoker and I still fancy the odd fag 8 years after quitting! It's so addictive.
My Mum smokes but won't smoke in her house and always goes outside. She also doesn't smoke around my nieces or pops outside for a sneaky one so that the smoke isn't anywhere near them. Would your Mum consider a compromise and agree to stop smoking in her house and not to not smoke when she's babysitting?
You are absolutely right and you're NOT overeacting or being fussy about this - can you show your Mum some articles / books or evidence to back up your claims?
But I hope you dont fall out with your Mum over this. She wants what's best for your LO just like you, but she just doesn't realise or want to accept the new evidence on all this stuff.
Good luck!
Jo x