Forum home Family life & relationships Relationships

help need some advice!!!

hi this maybe a bit long, so please bear with me. i need some advice, i dont know what to do.
im nearly 19 i came to live back home with my parents again last january.
the problem is my dad suffers with epilepsy really bad, also he goes back to child like moments, also got severe depression.
the thing is the council will not give me aplace due to it not being overcrowded at home and i cant afford to go private at the moment.
they will not listen to me about the safety of my child.
i am overdue by 2 days and my dad had a fit this morning and i had to hold him otherwise he would of cracked his head open on the cabniets.
this happens all the time and i cant handle it anymore.
what if the baby is in the moses basket and he falls on her or something. i have got to watch him 24/7. im sorry for going on just need help making me very stressed and depressed! x

zoe 40+2


  • Hi Zoe, Even though you live at your mums, the council will still have a duty to house you. Firstly, councils can be very difficult in this kinda situation as they have to be seen to prevent homelessness hence them telling you theat you must stay at your mums. Either way, your parents do not have a responsibility to have to have you at home - your mum, can give you a letter stating that she needs you to move out by a certain date or that she will keep you there on a temporary basis whilst the council investigate your homelessness case and house you. Being homeless does not necessarily mean that you have to be on the streets, you can also be homeless if you have a accommodation which you can occupy however, it is unreasonable to expect you to live there - this is quite a grey area and a very difficult route to go down however, with what you have described and also with the backing of your mother not wanting you to live at home, the council will find it very hard to find you intentionally homeless. So, the process and criteria the council go through is (1) are you eligible - i.e. are you a british citizen or hold a permanent visa, etc.. (2) Are you homeless or threatened with homelessness - i.e do you have a property which you can occupy but it is unreasonable for you to live there for example through risk of violence, harrassment, poor conditions, etc... or have a letter asking you to leave within a certain time, etc.. (3) Are you in priority need - do you have dependent children under the age of 16, are you disabled, are you pregnant, etc.. (4) Are you intentionally homeless - i.e. was it something that you did or your actions which caused you to become homeless or threatened with homelessness, did you cause homelessness in order to take advantage of the system, etc.. (5) Do you have a local connection - i.e - work in the borough, grew up in the borough and have family living in the borough, have been living in the borough for at least 2 years prior to your application, etc... Once the council have gone through each stage of the process and if you are successful at each stage they then have a duty to house you. The trickiest part is the intentionally homeless one, councils will try everything possible to find you intentionally homeless - BUT bare in mind, it is not your duty to prove that you are not intentionally homeless - it is the councils duty to prove that you are. This whole process can be done whilst you are staying at your mothers, if you have to leave before that then the council have to house you in temporary accommodation until the fulfill their investigation and decide the outcome. I think it would be highly unlikely that they could find you intentionally homeless HOWEVER, there is one issue which I noted and could cause you a huge problem. You mentioned you had a flat before - was this council? If this was a council property and you gave it up then it is gonna be extremely difficult for you to get them to house you. Once you give back a council property, your relinquish them of any duty to house you, unless you can show good reason to have done this (i.e. you went private rented, you bought a property, moved in with a boyfriend and then it didnt work out, etc..) otherwise, they will definitely find you intentionally homeless. The council will instigate fear and push you in every other direction to house yourself and it is better that you are viewed as trying every other route also to strengthen your case (i.e. private rented - as you can claim a huge proportion of housing benefit, getting in touch with agents) however, if you are on housing benefit or DSS then many agents will not touch you or will ask you to provide a guarantor which you may not have, also many people do not have a deposit , month in advance, fees to pay the agent, etc.... but, you can still tell the council that you have tried and there is no other alternative apart from council housing. When you do your application, keep it as unemotive as possible and factually based (i.e. dont use terminology as it upsets me that my father has ..... or has tried to do ......, i am stressed because...... - turn this to, my father suffers from ..... living in this environment could cause danger to my baby because ....., my mother has asked me to leave as my dad suffers ..... she is the fulltime carer and is concerned about the impact of having a newborn baby around in the household due to ...... and the possibility of ...... happening) - if you get my drift!. Once you do your application, if you go through the process and they find you intentionally homeless - you can make an appeal, at this point contact your local shelter and ask them to act on your behalf. One word of advice, do not get ratty, rude or bitchy with the council workers, they are all human at the end of the day and although they have a process, if they like you, they are more likely to help you. Good luck and if you need any further advice, please feel free to ask!!!! Eva xx
  • hey cheers for replyin.
    the thing is i have tried this. i have even got doctors letters and my mum has sent letters and be to the council. also i have a connexions advisor who has wrote letters. there just at an end to all this. im just going down hill. my boyfriend gets it all in the ear from me where i am so stressed.and i dont mean to take it out on him lol.
    the flat i had b4 was a little studio flat and it was just for people aged between 16 and 24 who are at college or in training.
    also you are not aloud kids there and you are only aloud to stay for a period of time.
    it was like supported housing if you like.
    i had to leave to because my dad went in hospital due to his health and stayed there for almost 2 years on and off.
    i appreciate what you have said and will try again and again if i have too. thankyou xx
    zoe 40 +4
  • hey zoe, if you've been down all this route already and have had supporting documentation (i.e. letters from your mum), what was the outcome? If they done an investigation then they should have given you a formal decision in writing? If they havent done a formal investigation into your homelessness (if you've put through an application as homeless) so not given you a decision then they are not following their processes and are trying or have just fobbed you off. I know its such hard work and really stressful to deal with them but believe me, it will be all worth it in the end. Re your previous accommodation, thats great then it def should not affect you. If you have had a formal decision which is negative then contact shelter and make an appointment to see your local shelter office with a case worker. I know you've mentioned connexions but if you get a shelter senior caseworker acting on your behalf, they are absolutely great and are legal housing specialists who know their stuff inside out and also, will have dealt with your council on lods of cases so know how to proceed with them. Re the doctors letters, I know it real unfair but councils nowadays very rarely take these into consideration unless its an actual physical medical condition. Unfortunately anything relating to stress, depression, etc.... they just shrug off as its nothing which is real annoying and unjust! I know its so easy to take your feelings and stress out on your bf or those that are close to you but try and direct that negative energy into positive ways which will benefit you eventually. Thats what I do, I am in a real stressful situation with where I am currently living and having to deal with council similarly trying to get housed, etc... and where as b4 I used to get irate, angry, frustrated and take it out on my OH, I've now transferred all that energy into fighting the council all the way, I have done my own investigations and proven that the council did not infact fulfill their full investigation (i.e. got a letter form a court enforcement officer who they said they contacted as part of my investigation and she said this and that and the letter from this court enforcement officer has stated that she has never had anyone from the council contcat her regarding my application!) this is just one of the things I've got on them amongst quite a number of others, I've seen a solicitor, I've seen Shelter, I've got a meeting with my local MP today at 4:15pm, I'm in process of writing a formal complaint to the homeslessness section manager and have researched and got the names of all the councillors who sit on the relevant committees to do with housing and homelessness (social overview and scrutiny committee, appeal committee, housing advisory panel committee, etc...) and am cc'ing them into the complaint to ensure the managers arse is kicked into gear and they take it seriously with a view to me going to the local press if they dont investigate what this homelessness officer I saw has done. Without going into to much detail she defected my application by instigating fear during a hush hush meeting she called me into at beginning on jan. I wont bore you any further with all my situation but what I'm trying to say (and I know you're due any day now so your gonna be soooo busy) if you put all your energy into fighting them all the way, you'll feel 100 times better and will get what you should have out of it, a home for you, your baby and your bf! If you need any help with anything then I'm just a holla away! image
  • good grief...eva...where has all that come from??? glad its not all for me to read it hurts my eyes!!lol..(only messin) you are a luv, (an you certainly got the right job as mp!!!...)..zoe was just poppin on to say hi and ask how ya doing???? any signs yet?? sending you a big hug xx
  • LOL becky!!! i know, i write how i talk! Zoe, hope you're better, perhaps even the babs has made an appearance since I last spoke to you! Just a quickie, if you havent done so already, get an appointment with your MP. I saw mine on friday afternoon and hes taking on my case bigtime - he's meeting with the chief exec of the council and the director of housing so hopefully, fingers crossed things get sorted for me.! its wortha shot hun xx
  • hey guys. no still no baby, had a sweep on yesterday afternoon, having loads of twinges but they come and go. im really fed up coz i dont want to be induced on saturday.
    my parents have already wrote a letter and been to the council offices but the person i saw was a rite idiot thinks he was better then everyone else.
    would not let me get a word in.
    thanx for the advice and i think i may try some of these if havent done so already once the baby is born cheers guys .
  • good luck zoe :\) hope you get your house soon and all goes well with the baby... remember dont give up, those that shout the loudest tend to get what they're after! :\)
  • all the best with the baby zoe, should be here very soon! As wenders says its true, those who shout the loudest get sorted! I'm being a real pain in the butt, emailing everyone in the council in the departments every day, calling every day, been on to the MP, eventually, they'll get so annoyed with me they'll realise that the only way to get me off their back is to bloody well do something! lol xxx
  • hi, hope your all ok. hows things zoe? any sign of the babay yet?...if we dont here from you we know it could well be!! thinking of you. xxx
  • hey no no she has not made her apperance yet but giving me alot of pain just cant wait now. i feel real down where it has dragged.
    dont wanna be induced on saturday but guess ill have too.
    how is every1 doing are you all ok!!!
  • hi zoe....not too bad thanks for askin. so you think youll be going in on saturday then? youll have to keep us informed of whats happening. thinking of you spud. take care.xx
Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions