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Things are still in such a mess

I've posted a couple of times about the issues I'm facing from my OH - we are in nearly all senses separated.

Things just don't seem to get any better or if they do, its only for a day or so. I've had more messing around from him over when he is going to pay me the money he owes me back and when he isgoing to start supporting our lo. In fact, he has actually cost me more asit came out a few weeks ago that he got parking tickets on my car while I was in hospital just before and just after I had lo that he never paid andthis resulted in bailiffs coming and clamping my car and the only way to stop them taking it was to pay over ??500. My mum paidmost andI made up the difference. I have had ??35 back fromhim and supposedly I have no right to be angry and even ifIam, I've not to show it by sounding annoyed or peed off when I speak to him.

If he rings and Im busy and cant answer my phone, he rings staright back again and again until I answer then has a go at mefor "ignoring" my phone, so I started answering straight away and saying that I'm busy, I'll ringyouback but thats apparantly not allowed either so then said its better if he waits till hefinishes work to ring, rather than ringing in breaks etc as I know I'll be able to talk but he says that means I count everything else as more important than him.

Letters came from DWP weeks ago about an overpayment of CTC which I arranged to pay and have been doing. He had a go about that then saturday morning he rang saying "I've just had anotherletter from that DWP place saying I owe ??500-odd pound for some Social Fund thing and its going to debt collection if I dontpay it straight back. Its that claim to do with Abi that I never saw a penny of and that you promised you were paying back, why havent you paidf them?" I explained the payments for Child Tax Credit were going from mybank account and it wasnt more than ??160 that was overpaid anyway. I asked who the letter was addressed to and he said "Just me but I dont see why that matters" asked what it said the money was owed for and he said a Social Fund, asked him if it mentioned either me, Abi or Child Tax Credit, he said it didnt and that he would just ring them and find out what was going on. I couldnt even be bothered to ask why he had jumped to the conclusion that I had something wrong.

Yesterday he asked if when I took the furniture out of storage, if many of his clothes had been there, i said I wasnt sure but would bring his stuff when I met him later with Abi as already planned, he started asking why he couldnt just go to the new house to see them, I asked why there was a problem in me bringing them as I was actually in the middle of going for my stuff so the clothes wouldnt be at the house and because he bombareded me with messages, I couldnt reply quick enough before he said me not replying obviously meant that there issomething I dont want him seeing!! He seems paranoid that everything and everyone is against him and out to hurt him. He texted yesterday just after the argument over his clothes saying I was going to say i feel like every timei open up to you and try andmakethiswork between us you take theopportunity to rip my heart to bits. I cant keep allowing youto make me feel like this. I really dont think you understand just howmuch your hurting me. I dont think i wantto try and makethis work anymore i cant risk feeling like this again and youobviously only care aboutyourself." allthisbecause IsaidI'd bringhisclotheswith me and that Ihad saidno to him sending a text from my phone the day before to get the football scores as i didnt think i had many left and cant afford to top up at moment, plus I dont want my number getting out. Then a few hourslater he texts and says sorry he over-reacted he's just really wanting things to work between us. Then after I told him I need time to sort out what i want because of everything thats happened, he said he hasnt got time and needs to know and that he knows i have a lot on my mind but sorting us out should be my number 1 priority. What reasons is he really giving me though for wanting to make this work??!!


  • didn't want to r& r, he's not giving you much of a reason, he is being unreasonable for a whole host of reasons, i think you posted in baby before re the inlaws etc etc but if this is the way he has been brought up he 'won't see it your way, also could it be that he is so desperate for you to get back together that he is acting this way in that he is so scared you will go with some one else etc etc sounds like an awful situation to be in mrs xx
  • hey Moonbeam. Thank you foryour words. It all came to a head tuesday......I had told him monday night to ring me after he finished work as Iwas going out with one of the ladies from baby group and her little boy. He then texted the next day just after i hadmet her askingif he could ring in anhour and askingme to text him back. I didnt have any credit so hadto waittill i hadsome butinthe meantime he had texted asking why id asked him to text rather than ring then hadnt replied. When i did reply, he sent an offhand message asking me to ring him in hislunch which i did. Big mistake!! he started shouting and screaming that i was acting suspicious andno way should he be expectedto just accept that he has to wait till after work to speak to me. Imhis wife and should just stop whatever im doing to speakto him. Then toldme I had better get myself and lo home as he didnt want me taking her out. I put the phone down as he was just constantlyshouting at me and then he rang around 6 times whilst i was driving. When i stopped i answered and he was screaming and shouting again, calling me an evil witch and evil bitch. I cut the call off and rang the sols who said to just ignore him. he kept texting and ringing and threateningto come and findme to makesure i took Lo home. Ended up goingto the police and even after they spoke to him, he carried on that night saying he was tryingto prove a point by actiong the way he had.and next morning he asked if he could ring before work and when i said no, ring me after, he asked ifhe could ringinhislunch as he had something importantto say and refused to text me. I told him again to ring after and he then said he would leave it till after but that it was reallyimportant. when he rang it was just excuses for what he had done and name calling and when i said aspersols, if he wanted to seeLo it had to be at the house, he refused to come near, told me i was now going to pay for what id done and that he would now let his dad take the legal action he had been stopping him taking. Got back to Police and they have issued him with a written harrasment warning and he has denied to them that any of the money issues etc were caused by him and said they were all my doing!! Looks like he has been feeding his parents a pack of lies for months.

    My sols have written and now just waiting for his to reply. Im scared but no reason to be really, its just i know how vindictive him and his family are.
  • oh hun, he has been and is being completly unreasonable. You and your lo deserve so much better than this and you are doing the right things, sending huge hugs xxx
  • Hey girls, thanks again for taking the time to reply.

    Police told me when they gave the written warning they told him he was allowed to send 1 text per day asking how Abi is but i've heard nothing and had no solicitors letters from his side either.

    I've made my mind up and made an appointment with my solicitors for Tuesday at 3.30 and I'm going to get divorce papers started. Everyones right, I dont have to put up with this, regardless of the fact that we have a child together. He's left everything to me where she is concerned for the last nearly 11 months and has spent most of his time since the police spoke to him out partying and drinking. (found out through other people/facebook etc).

    I'm just not sure what to do about child support/maintenance. If I get it, I want it paid through CSA to protect both of us. However, I've supported her on my own this far and am happy to carry on doing. I would hate him or anyone to think he is supporting me financially, if that makes sense. I'm looking into different ideas to work from home with so especially once I'm doing that, I really will be able to get whatever Abi needs and wants. Until then, I'm just being careful with my benefit money and using my Clubcard/Nectar/Boots points for little treats for her.

    Big headed moment, sorry - I'm actually quite proud of everything i've managed to get for her. She always looks nicely dressed, has plenty of toys and books, is well fed and cared for. We go out each day, whether its baby group, park, local shopping street. She's really content and happy and I wont let all this affect her.
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