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Is it my fault?

Hi,

I have never told anyone about this (including dh and all my family) but for some reason I just can't forget about it. I'm not sure if i'm looking for advice or if I just want to get it off my chest so then maybe I can move on from the embarrasment and how disgusting it makes me feel.

Two years ago I met a guy (this was before I had even met dh btw), we started 'dating' and ended up spending quite a bit of time together. There was times when he said he was going away for the weekend and that he couldn't see me because of work etc. Well we ended up sleeping together but a couple of weeks later we decided to split up and I couldn't see it working out between us. A few days after we split up (sorry this next bit is way tmi) I started getting what can only be described as blisters around my vagina area, obviously i was very concerned and went to the GUM clinic and I ended up being tested positive for herpes, well as you can imagine I felt like the most revolting person alive and was completely ashamed, I spoke to the nurses who told me 1 in 4 people in britain have it (alothough this did not make me feel better) and that basically it was like cold sores but 'down there' as they put it. I was put on anti biotics and I have not had anything like a 'flare up' since. Well I knew for a fact that I did not have herpes before I met this guy so decided to confront him, I then find out that he had been cheating on me with his ex gf amoung other women and that he had got it too and had been the one who passed it on to me, I cannot even describe how dirty I felt and how much I hate him for making me feel the way he has. Anyway I haven't seen him since and have never told anyone about it.

8 months after I split up from this guy I met my now husband, I have not told him about what happened as there is no way he could catch it off me unless I was having a 'flare up' and I have never had one. The nurse also told me that if I don't have one within two years the virus is likely to have left my body, well it is two years in april since it happened so i'm hoping and praying I don't get a flare up just so I can feel confident in myself again. I can never tell my hubby what happened as I am convinced he would leave me although he has always said he would never leave me regardless.

Well thats it really, sorry for going on but I just needed to explain how this guy has ruined my confidence in myself and made me feel like a disgusting dirty tramp, when really I know i'm not and that this was not my fault, other than that we had sex unprotected but I was on the pill even though I do know this doesn't protect you from std's I suppose you always think it won't happen to you image

C
xx

Replies

  • hi hun, im know what you mean about feeling like your dirty and very embarrased about having this coz i to have suffered from this (i got it from a boyfriend who i loved was also sleeping with his ex this is about 6 years ago). dont really know what to say just thought that it might help knowing that there is some one you can talk to who can understand how you feel x.
  • Hi faeriestar,

    Thank you for answering image Did it ever flare up again with you or has it not come back at all. I live in constant fear it will come back and that I will have to tell hubby. Did you tell your current partner/husband? In a way i'm glad there is someone else who understand what I mean, but i would never wish it on anyone. I feel so humiliated especially after he started telling people "I just f****d her a few times and she knew nothing about what else I was up to" I couldn't believe it, it makes me sound like some kind of whore, but I was under the impression we were in a relationship and I have never felt so awful in my life, I hope he hasn't told anyone else about the herpes as I am scared he will tell people I gave it to him which is untrue, although it has been nearly 2 years now so if he was going to tell anyone he would have done it by now, plus I hope he feels embarrsed and hasn't told anyone he had it.

    XX
  • CazA

    I really hope you get the all clear come April. I hope just being able to get it off your chest has helped. It wasnt your fault he was a b'stard.

    good luck
  • It does not make you seem like a whore babe it just shows what an idiot (could use much stronger language) he is. You did not do anything wrong except fall for his lies! I hope you get the all clear babe and I really wouldnt think your hubby would leave you because of a stupid man in your past!

    Take care babe, Love Lee
  • I haven't been through this myself but I just want to say that don't do yourself down like this!! There's no need. Lots of people have had unprotected sex & regretted it, it is a mistake, it doesn't make you a dirty tramp or anything else for that matter. I'm sure someone we know has had an STI in the past but it wouldn't make me think any less of someone.

    I would just completely forget about this, it's in the past & there's no reason to be embarrased or guilty as you weren't with your dh at the time so who is he to judge? I really doubt he would leave u because of some nasty bloke from ur past

    Basically just STOP beating yourself up!!!
    x x x
  • hi cazA, yes i told my oh but only coz it did flaer up from time to time and it use to make me very ill ( like i had really bad flu). my oh was really good about it (though a little shocked). but he knows that apart from my gp he is the only person who knows this and knows how upset i am about this. but i havent had any flare ups since april(touch wood). i hope you get the all clear soon but it may be a good idear to keep looking after yourself coz i heared that sometimes when your immune system is very run down you can have a flear up again but if you havent had one since it happened to you im sure that youll be ok. if you ever need a chat you know were to find me x.
  • Thank you for all your support ladies, it did feel better just getting it off my chest I think it will just take a while to forget it. I have much more exciting things to think about now like my baby and dh image

    Thank you again I really appreciate it.

    C
    xx
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