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does he really want me and the babyor her and my baby???

i need some help... me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 mths now and found out we had a problem with our unborn child. my pregnancy hasnt been good with the upa and downs... but in the last 2mths my boyfriend has become really paly with a girl from work... we have continiously argued as i have become so down on myself i just cant cope.. hes never here.. they talk continiously by tx and recently we had such a bad argument that he told her he wished i would leave him and that he doesnt want to be with me.. he also calls her ANGEL in his txs and ive found condoms in his wallet(we dont need them) we havnt been intermate for 3mths now...he ses its all in my head .. maybe it is... maybe it isnt.. but he is never here... she poped round the other day and stayed i they would laugh and joke and whjen i walk in the room it all stoped...ive aske d him outright but he just denies anything. im now 7mths preg and i dont know wether he wants me here or not i feel unloved and unwanted i cant talk to him cos he tells me to stop over reacting. it just seems that i dont make him happy but she does i can never make him laugh. all i need is him and i dont think i have that anymore :cry:


  • You poor thing. I haven't really had anything like this happen, so the only advice I can give is there no one is his family that could speak to him. If not to make him see what he's doing to you, but to see what he really wants. I wouldn't be happy if my husband acted like that. I really hope you get things sorted and speak to someone who can help. Love Claire xx
  • aww bigbertha im so sorry things are the way they are... i think hes totally out of order with the way he's behaving, how would he like it if it was the other way round???? oh and how many fellas do you invite round for a brew and a chat who you call honey or anything else for that matter. and him say oh its ok?? im sorry if i sound blunt but going from past experiance and god ive been out with some prats lol...(i was married to one for years) but they only treated me the way i let them its sounds as though theres no respect there at all. have you got any family from both sides who you could talk to? someone who could give you a bit of suport and give him a kick up the a***. lol. in a calm and controlled manner (firm but fair) you need to tell him you need to talk get him to sit down and and lisern, remind him that theres a baby gonna be here in a few months time wether he likes it or not and your both in it together and just lately youve been feeling like your in it on your own and his behaviour is adding to the stresses of already being pregnant with your emotions being all over the place and its no good for you and certainly no good for the baby!! do you mind me asking how old you are cos you dont really invite friends round from work as you get older anyway esp. the oposite sex!! id hit the roof now if my o/h was doing that. its something you just dont do and he needs to realize that. and as for him putting up with you its sounds to me like your the angle for putting up with him cos not many women would!!. oh i hope this helps you in some way. anytime you need to talk just give us a shout. we are all here. take care hugs beckyxx
  • thank you to the both of you for your replies. i may sound young but im 23 and hes 28-29 he said he invuted her round so i could get to know her as i dont know anyone cos ive recently just moved so basically i am on my own. i talk to my mum alot and she ses im a complete fool and ive recently learnt that myself. my only outlet is my friend who lives in london and now i live in kent its hard. exspecally since my friend works with him and wont come round cos he feels awakward. ive tried every approach to the talking and he just ses i need to get help when i know its him thats making me depressed... i should just up and leave but then i would have nowhere to go and me and my cats would homeless... im such a coward... sorry for blubbering and thank you both xx jessica x
  • any time jessica we dont mind. can you come on our board to chat? its the 'your not alone2' board next to this one!! they are a great bunch on there we are always putting the world to rights we laugh cry rant about anything and everything together and id love for you to come and join us. plz say yes!! ...if you dont know one one where youve just moved and your hubby is working and your not obviously cos your pregnant are there any clinics or something near by or from your local doctors where you can go and start to meet people. i know at first it will be difficult for you and youll feel arkward etc but youll get chatting with one who will then get you chattin to another etc etc it will give you something other than sitting and thinking about your o/h (who may i add needs the help not you, he sounds so selfish). your not a coward we all find ourselfs in difficult situations at sometime or other. ive got to go for now hope to talk soon jessica. take care. becky.xx
  • Hi Jessica, firstly welcome to the forums, we'll all help you and support you best we can. I read your post and really feel for you. It sounds like you're going through a real tough time and I agree with becky, your OH isn't really being considerate towards your feelings, how would he feel if you brought a guy into the house for tea and a chat whilst he was there. However, in saying that and reading between the lines, I dont think he is cheating on you with her. Maybe I'm wrong and I can't account for the condoms in his wallet but I can't imagine any girl who'd be sleeping with a guy and would be happy to sit in the house he shares with his pregnant partner whilst she's there - I know there are girls who probably wouldnt give a damn and as I don't know her personally, I guess thats only something you can judge from her character. Re calling her 'angel' in his texts, is this a phrase he often uses with people? My OH has a habit of calling me and his female friends babe (once he even said it to a male friend without thinking! lol) so I never read anything into that, its just a figure of speech. Could this be the same for your partner? Re him going out or never there, unfortunately I see this as a man thing, at the first sign of trouble or if there are continuous arguments/bad vibes, men tend to prefer to stay away rather then confront the issue. When me and my OH went through a bad patch he made excuses to end up going out every evening just to stay away from the house and my bad moods - not saying its right but I think its just a natural male instinct to run away rather then confront and deal with a situation. The condoms in his wallet is a real issue tho, have you asked him about these and what was his explanation? I think you both need to have a good chat but I get the impression that when you both talk you end up in an argument so, have you thought about writing him a letter explaining how you feel? or perhaps arrange to go out somewhere neutral where you can talk without arguing. You say that you feel like you dont have him anymore and that you cannot make him laugh but his female work friend can, the problem is it seems that you both are not communicating with each other unless its an argument, this is not healthy in a relationship. You both need to make time to talk and to actually take time to listen to each other (god gave us one mouth and two ears so listen twice as much as you talk). You should both plan a place and time that you can communicate with each other, give each other a time frame were each of you can tell the other how you feel, why you feel that way, what you think etc... without the other butting in and just listening, then vice versa. Sometimes, we misread body language etc... and perceive there to be a bigger problem then there is. Also, sometimes partners do things that they know upsets the other purposesly to get attention - perhaps he feels shut out from you also and is using this girl to make you feel jealous to get attention from you - it just seems quite callous to think that he would be flaunting his bit on the side (if that is what she is) in front of your face in your home. Maybe you are reading it all wrong. I'm not condoning his behaviour but just trying to make you see things from a different perspective. I hope this helps you in some way, just something final I'd like to add which just shows how wrong we can get over guys, I think as females we sometimes over analyse them and give them more credit then they're worth! lol. Once, my OH was being funny with me for days, not being intimate, moody, etc.. and I started thinking he doesnt wanna be with me, he's met someone else, he doesnt find me attractive etc... and because of his actions I retaliated by becoming distant with him and ignoring him until one day we sat down and spoke. It turned out that he was upset and moody coz his football team had lost a big match! He then questioned me as to why I was so distant with him and if I still loved him - obviously we set things straight but just goes to show how we can read things totally out of all proportion! I hope it works out for you and keep us updated. Eva xxx
  • thanks eve it does make sense in what your saying and maybe because of everythinf wotch is going on i have over analysed things too much and maybe you are right i think i just have to try and understand him more vice versa cos in two monthe were gonna be a family.. ive got my 28wk scan tomorrow and ill be meeting the surgeons as my baby needs an opperation so we are both anxious about that thanks again and i will keep everyone postedxxxx
  • hi jessica, you sound a lot better on your last post. how are you feeling? silly question really with your scan tomorrow and having to talk to the surgeons, if you dont mind me asking whats wrong with the baby have they explained anything to you yet? you must be scared stiff i know i would be. will be thinking of you both youll have to let us know how you get on. well going to have a brew with the 'in laws' today to gota go soon. if you wanna chat you know where we are. tc hugs becky.xx
  • hey becki

    my scan went ok.but unfortunatly the surgeons were unavalable(typical docs). they scans are ok and baby is growing well weights about 1.6lb now and we got a 3d scan done we saw the baby yawning and poking its tounge out. of you or your o/h watch wrestling it was doing a jhon cena move "you cant see me" where jhon cena waves his hand infront of his face. eveyone thinks its a boy but i dont babys too cute lol. the problem with baby is called an exsomphalos.its not common but its not rare. basicaly its where the abilic cord hasnt fused to the belly button and some things which are spose to be on the inside are on the outsid( it sound worse then what it is) the opperatino itself will be done straight away when baby is born.there put a vacum seal around the baby and gradually compress down. if they were to do it all at once they could suffercate the baby but its 99% sucess rate so im not too worried about that its just the time nobody can say how long it wil.l take or anything it could take 2days or 4wks. me and hubby are getting on a bit better i had it out with him and he looked me straight in the eyes and told me not to worry. i still do but hey ho you have to move on dont you. anyway hows you and hub. i should of asked how far along you are and stuff sorry thats really bad manners so id appriciate to hear a little bout you now k cos im sick of hearing myself moan. (typical woman) how was your valentines day. anyway gotta go coz im hungry so im gonna raid the freezer take care and ill hear from you soon... xxxximage
  • hi jessica. awwww jess you must be really happy after seeing your little bundle of joy waving to you ..oh how beautiful, its amazing isnt it?? im glad its nothing too serious and it all can be sorted out as soon as babys born that must be a peace of mind for you. its nice to know that you and your o/h have sorted some stuff out too hopefully youll be able to relax a little now and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and put your feet up before the baby me and my hubby arent pregnant yet!! working on it date we have had 3 m/c's the last one in june and since then we been having loads of tests done and they cant find anything wrong so they have said it must be one of them things and to try again..which after 3 m/c is easier said than done!! but we started again only on valentines day!!! we'll just have to keep our fingers crossed now and pray...i have two grown up kids from my first marrage boy of 18 and girl who is 15... (but he treated me badly and he's never bothered with his kids for years now so) now married to a lovely man and we are happy together and want children together but it dont seem to be working at the mo. but fingers crossed this time! i dont have trouble getting pregnant but lose them in the first timester the longest ive got is 10weeks.... and im an old codger of 35!!.lol..(if you ever wanna come and chat on the other board youll know where i am)im really glad everything is better for you spud. ill have to go for now cos im shattered and i wanna get in the shower and get ma warm woolly jimjams on!!.lol.. might get back on later. have you anything planned for the weekend?? thinking of you tc hugs becky xxx
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