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:?i want to start by saying i don't want to be judged or any rude remarks, i just really need advice a-sap.
my names brittany, I'm 18 years old & i am 5 weeks pregnant. I'm driving my self crazy trying to quickly decide if i should keep my baby or to go threw with the abortion this thursday. TRUST ME i don't want to go threw with the abortion but i feel a huge amount of pressure to get it done. there's plenty of reason why i shouldn't keep the baby, I'm not financially stable, i haven't graduated, the father already has a 1yr old daughter and he insists he "cant" have another kid and i do understand that, he's only 20yrs old and cant really afford to support two babies. Also the fact that the father is black and i am white. most of my family will dis-own me or so they say, and there is no way i could make it on my own. the biggest reason is my brother just got his g/f pregnant, she found out about 4 days before i did. my brother is going to kuwait for a year or two and she is supposed to move into my house and i don't think there's room for two babies. if i get this abortion I'm positive the hate and resentment i have for her & my niece/nephew will only get stronger. what sucks the most is we are due around the same day. so please give me your thoughts and opinions as long as there not ignorant. i really need some advice. thank you


  • Hi Brittany, no one should judge you- this is a really tough decision and one only you can make. You need to ask yourself how you will feel if you do have a termination, or if you can somehow compromise your future plans with having a baby. Bear in mind at five weeks pregnant your hormones will more than ever be over the place and it's difficult to think straight. Also think about how you will feel further down the line and you keep the baby- it sounds to me like your boyfriend wont be much help and it will be tough on your own. I'm six years older than you, I have a steady job, a serious relationship and our own home and even i worry sometimes about whether it's the right time and if we can afford it.
    There's help out there for you if you make the decision to keep the baby.
    Also think about why you dont want to go through with the abortion- is it because you want a baby or is it because you are worried about a termination? If you decide it's because you want to keep the baby, then dont let anyone stand in your way. x
  • thank you. and i cant decide y i do or dont want the baby, like u said my emotions are everywhere. i am very scared to get an abortion. and i kno im not ready for a baby. but on the other hand i cant go around any child with out crying and picturing them as mine n thinking "how could i kill my baby?" im so scared im going to regret the abortion but i cant picture myself with a kid right now. and the odd thing is, i had a dream i was pregnant with a little boy a week or so i before i found out..i kno its corny but maybe its a sign im ment to kept it?
  • Hi,

    I don't have personal experience in this, but I thought I could share the experience a very close friend of mine had. She was around 20 and in college when she got pregnant. Her bf said he would supprt her if she decided to keep the baby, but she knew her parents would never understand. Anyway, she decided to abort it and she did the abortion very late - by the time she finally made up her mind! Her bf turned out to be a jerk and three or four years later, she went on to marry someone else. Today she is happily married and well settled with two children.

    I don't know whether this will help you, but sometimes it's nice to hear what others have gone through. also, whatever you decide will be the best decision.

    Good luck...
  • You poor thing. I can give advice from a few points of view. I myself was 21 when had my first and I have a 17 year old daughter (the one I had when 21)
    If my daughter got preg now I would support her whatever but my first thought would be towards abortion. IF you feel you cant support a baby and your circumstances dictate that you have no support from elsewhere then it is the right choice for you. It is not killing your baby if you do it very soon. At the moment it is just a collection of cells and its heart has not even started to beat. It will be traumatic for you but you will in time get over it.
    IF though you feel you want the baby then you can go it alone. You need to speak to your local housing agency and try to get a home for you and the baby. Look into benefits and help you can get. Your family would be a disgrace to disown you for having a black child and the father no matter how many other kids he has would have to help out. After all it takes 2 to make a baby so why should the burden fall on you. Is there someone you can talk thro all this with before you have the abortion?????
    A daughter of a good friend of mine is 18 and had an abortion a few week ago. She was 11 weeks. It took a while to get over it but she is back on track with her life and for her it was the right thing to do. I know its sad and I have never had one so cant give advice on how you would feel. I went on to have the baby I fell preg with at 21 but I was with the dad and still am 17 years and 4 other kid later!!!!!
    Take care and please dont be bullied into a decision or think you are not allowed a baby because you brothers g/f is. You have just as much right. Please talk to aunt? one of your old teachers? the abortion place should have a counsellor?
    d x
  • I agree with brodiesmum that you might be best to cancel thurs and take a bit longer to think it through. I have never been in your situation and I can't tell you what to do for the best but personally I think that if you have any doubts at all then abortion is not the right descision. In my opinion the only reason you should have an abortion is if YOU want to, no body else's opinion matters as no one else is going to have to live with your descision. If you decide to keep the baby you will cope by yourself, lots of young mums do, and if your family disown you that is their loss. I think you really need to talk this through with someone like dee dee says.
    Good luck with whatever you decide.
    Kerry xx
  • hi brittany.. i think only you canmake the decision its a hard choice to make.. abortion is something i personally cud never do.. my only concern is that when ur brother has his baby and ur watching it grow up u will constantly be thinking whatwud my baby be like? its something u have to know if u are strong enuf to deal with or not.. ur family wont dis own you not when it comes to it and if they do in my opinion they auint worth knowing. they can abort up 2 24 weeks i think so if ur not sure still cancel thuursday and give urself a bit more time to think about it.. as for the dad if he dont want another baby he shud of kept it in his pants... here if u need to talk babe xx
  • Hi Brittany is there anyone you can talk to about this to try and get an outcome you are at least happy is the right one. Maybe a GP or someone else that is impartial?

    If not why not write down the pros and cons of the decision, having a baby with potentially no support would not be easy but it would not be impossible either. You have a very hard decision to make and have to live with whatever you choose to do for the rest of your life.
    I agree with the others in that maybe you are not ready to have an abortion on Thursday if you still feel unsure it is the right thing to do.

    Whatever you decide I really hope your family give you the support you need, they should love you and support you no matter what. Sounds like you are being very level headed about it all.

    Good luck with whatever you decide. x
  • i just want to thank everyone so much, i still havent decided but i am going to cancel thursday & find someone to talk to. i am only 5 weeks so i have atleast a few more weeks to really think wuts best for me to do. thanks so much
  • ahh im pleased to hear that hun.u have plenty of time to decide.. keep in touch.. we will all be here for you whatever you decide.. xx
  • Hi- I just wanted to tell you that I was a young mum. I was 18 when I had my first child (now 6) and I was due to start uni. I still haven't got round to going to uni as I now have two other children but I do still intend to.

    I don't agree with abortion BUT I wouldn't judge anyone if thats what they decided to do. I think it is something you need to be really sure about tho coz obviously theres no going back.

    When I had to tell my parents my dad flipped and I had to move out of his house. Luckily I did have somewhere else to go and eventually my parents came round to the idea and even let me move back in. You never know how they will react until you actually tell them.

    Being a young mum is difficult but I am glad that I have my son now. I wish you all the best in making your decision
  • hun there is a programme on bbc2 at 9 tonight called abortion:the chice about 5 women talking about their experiences.. maybeu shud watch that might help u put things in order.. though i would let you know. x
  • im gonna write my mom a letter tonight, i know its gonna devistate her tho. im feeling like i should keep the baby, even tho im not 100% sure its wut im gonna do, im jus so confused. idk how im going to do anything with my life if i have a kid. wish me luck & thanks again.
  • Hello, again like many of the other ladies here i've not quite been in your situation but i am only 21 and have had a baby 5mnths ago. From reading your original post te thing i'd like to say most is base your decision on what is right for you, most of the reasons against keeping that you mentioned regard other people, they're not in this situation, you are and its your needs that are important. I went through my pregnancy without my family support but since having my baby i have my dad again there for me, my mum doesnt even know my baby exists and that is her loss, if you've got the support of one person then you will be fine whatever you choose and i'm sure others will come round in time. As for your brothers gf, although it may be inconvenient for her you may even become close if you do go through it together as you will be experiancing the new things almost together, my oh sister was preg at same time as me and it was lovelly to have someone to compare with. I hope it all go's ok for you, whatever you choos, and as someone already said, there'll always be support for you on here xx
  • Yeah I've been thinking about you too.
  • hey babe u okay? not heard from u in a while hope ur doing good.. keep in touch xx
  • Just wanted to share my story in the hope it could help.. I found out i was pregnant the first time round when i was 15. It was a planned baby - but not by me. The father wanted a family and decided i was it. I hadn't started my exams and hadn't got a job. I starting coming round to the idea of having the baby and i got beaten up. I lost the baby and it was the most devastating time of my life.

    BUT (i am coming to a point, not fishing for sympathy) i look back now and think that i was in completely the wrong situation to have a baby, let alone have a complete family. I had nothing to work from and i would probably have had to have been on benifits the rest of my life, which i would have hated - im a workaholic.

    I feel it was fate that i didn't have that baby and it showed me how my life is so much better - i have a job, a partner, a family and my little boy who is amazing. To me that is hapiness. I know my family is safe and secure and they love me like i love them.

    Im not sayng thats what you should have, im trying to say that if you feel that you and your baby is going to feel safe, secure, loved and wanted - whether it be just by you, you and your family, or the father included, then you keep it. Otherwise think very hard about the life YOU will have aswell as your baby. You can't be completely selfless in the situation.


    PS i hope i didn't come across sounding like a b*tch! X
  • Hi brittney, this is a very scarey time for you. ive been in your situation when i was 19 im now 29. we'd only just started seeing each other. i fell pregnant after 2 months so obviously not planned and i was very scared. I started off deciding to keep the baby and a termination hadnt even entered my head. but after the response i got from him i suddely found i was being pushed towards a termination he said he didnt want a baby and wouldnt support me if i was to keep it. so i booked a termination i wanted it all to stop!!back then you had to be put to sleep it was a very horrible and traumatising time and it took years to finallly stop feeling so guilty i hadnt done it for me but then i was so young i did as i was told i did confide in my mum who was amazing she wanted me to keep the baby but i was influenced by my boyfriends reaction so thats what the outcome was i was 9 weeks gone.
    well i got married 4 years later and fell pregnant a year later (planned) i was so excited and told everyone as this didnt have to be a secret.
    when the baby was born that was the only time i realised i had made the right decesion. as becoming a mum is the biggest learning curve ever i dont think i would have coped very well at 19 but i will never know.
    after that i didnt think about it again and focused on my new baby. but since my daughter is older sheoften says she wishes she had an older brother/sister so that makes things painful. in the last 6 months ive thought about it alot even 10 years later not so much about the baby i would have had but person it would have become i still have so many questions which i will never know the answer too. especially as i see the beautiful daughter i have and know i couldnt be without her. but maybe if id gone through with having that baby i wouldnt have my dughter now we would have been in a very terrible situation all thoughs years ago. but looking back now i know i panicked and just wanted it all to stop i was just too young to try and deal with it wasnt 100% my decision i was just so scared and wanted it all to go away without thinking of the consqences i would have to face mentally
    but just to finish quickly there was another girl who fell pregnant the same time. so whilst she was talking about her pregnancy and showing scan pictures and how excited they were, names, and all the stuff that goes with having a baby i was keep everything secret and was hurting so badly i new i wanted the baby but i would have caused alot of upset. istill see this child from time to time and i know my child would been of the same age so its a very painful reminded.

    my only advice to you and obvioulsly only you know what you can cope with the most at this time in your life.
    1. race shouldnt come into it really what if this man was to become your husband you would have mixed race children and they would still be your mothers grandchildren so you shouldnt feel that you cant have this baby because its going to be mix race.
    2. Facing upto reality is far easier(keeping the baby) than living with guilt for the rest of your life(termination) and always wondering especially if you have been pushed into this decision by others and not come to it yourself. you will always resent them if you start feeling it was their choice not yours. The baby would soon become part of your life you would adapt and things always seem to work them selves out finacially somehow.
    However its very different if there is a medical reason for a termination and should be considered very differently.
    3. living with your sister in law with babies the same age could really work for you, you would be going through the same thing together so you wouldnt be alone and you could support each other. otherwise it will completley crush you if she has her baby and you dont it could even lead to other complications of depression and another medical condition where you would think her baby was yours. (this would only happen if this wasnt soley wasnt your choice)
    4. its never to late to graduate you could always go back to college after a couple of months they all provide free childcare or you could wait until baby was older.
    5. Family will support you more with a baby to cope with but after a few weeks of having a termination you will be expected to get on with your life and deal with it.

    If i had to make my desion again i wouldnt terminate even if it meant just taking a tablet.

    Good Luck!!

    ps. this is my personal experience i hope i havent affended anybody who also had to make this harrowing decision. every situation is different sometimes its meant to be and sometimes not. we are lucky to be able to have the choice even if some people are totally against it either way xxxxx
  • hi hun,
    i was kind of in the same situation as u, i fell pregnant when i was just turned 19. neither me or my partner had jobs,we were both planning on going to college &we were both living at his parents house as we couldnt afford somewhere of our own. when i found out i was pg i was really scared as i really didnt think we'de be able to afford it and wanted to go to college. in the end i decided to keep the baby. my boyfriend managed to get a full time job in a crappy supermarket and i get benefits. we are managing fine now and are both planning on going back to college next year.

    if you really think that getting rid of the baby is a bad decision then just have a proper think about just posponing education for a couple of years (you can still graduate,just a bit later than you planned to).
    my son is the best thing that ever happened to me and i think i deffenatly made the right decision to keep him. but not everybody is the same,just do what you really think is best for you in the long run. maybe your family will get used to the idea of you having a baby, they will just need a bit of time.
    i hope everything goes ok for you and dont worry, whatever desision you make, it'l be the right one.
    good luck brittany xxx
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