help i keep doing/ saying the wrong thing (not baby related)

faeriestar · Dec 19, 2008 5:26AM

well my h2b uncle died yesterday and my h2b is ov' upset, angry,etc. so when the kids got up this morning i told them that we need to be extra kind to daddy ( i told them that daddy's uncle had died) (by the way my daugter is 4years old and my son is only 10 month old so this chat was for her realy). anyway when my h2b got up my daughter went up to him and said " are you sad coz your uncle is dead". well my h2b then had ago at me saying i was gossiping and that its his news to tolk to people and nothing to do with me. ( i only to the kids so that my daugter would understand if daddy was not his usally happy, playful self and so that she wouldnt play up and make my h2b fell stressed out. then i phone him at work at lunch time to see how he is and he tells me that his dad will come down for the funeral. i then said " he could also come and meet his grandchildern while he is here. im sure he would like to meet them" but guess what i said the wrong thing again.
i dont know what to do or say coz i keep getting it wrong. ive never lost anyone so he is also saying that i cant possably understand what he is going through and that one of his ex girlfriend was great and really surportive when his step dad died ( this happen years old berfor i meet h2b and yes the last comment hurt alot).
i just dont know what to do..

LittleChickpea · Dec 17, 2008 9:49AM

oh hun... try not to take it to personally. Im sure he is going through the stages of grieving and does not mean to hurt you so much. People act in strange ways when they have lost someone close.. just try to be there for him when he needs you and try to take the bitter times on the chin, it should get better.. xxx

karen130770 · Dec 17, 2008 9:51AM

AW hon, I've been on both ends of the grief thing and the simple fact is that you sometimes can't say the right thing because there isn't anything you can say to take away that hurt.

It is really unfair that your dh is being like this with you, but if he is normally a good loving and caring husband then it will be the grief talking. I also think you did the right thing in talking to your dd. If you hadn't, he would probably have had a go because you didn't! It's called being contrary, but he's probably not thinking exactly straight at the min.

I can't tell you the amount of really unnecessary and hurtful things I've thrown at my dh at times.

I think sometimes the people we know we can trust with our feelings get the backlash - i.e. you! As for the last comment, that was not called for and I think that he will regret saying that.

Good luck hon.xx

camlo · Dec 18, 2008 10:45AM

I agree- you've done nothing wrong. I'd ask him is there anything you could do, keep the tea flowing and that's all you can do.

faeriestar · Dec 19, 2008 5:26AM

thanks ladies. i think that what i have been doing is trying to make my h2b feel better when really i should let him grevie. we had a little chat about things last night and i explained that the reason i told the kids is because A) i wanted the kids to know that daddy was upset and

i feel that death is a huge part of life and i dont want it to be a tabboo for my children. and i also told him that i was hurt by the comment about his ex. my h2b has said sorry and that he dosent know why he said those things.
thanks again ladies for making me realise that im not the worse girlfriend in the world. x.

help i keep doing/ saying the wrong thing (not baby related)

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