Just to say its nice to know im not the only one who cant accept being pregnant, I also had a m/c and thats what scared me so much, felt a little better after 24 weeks when knew babes were viable but am 32 weeks now and still cant believe that i should be having babies soon, still think someone is going to say its all a mistake and you have just been eating too much! Congrats too everyone else who is pregnant and wish you all luck. xx (claire21 liked the kitten reference lol)
Hi all I still can't believe I didn't get my scan either but because it was the friday before xmas I just decided to put it to the back of my mind as it would of ruined our xmas.I should have booked a private scan but was trying so hard to stop crying in front of the midwife and consultant that I didn't ask as I would have burst into another load of tears.The midwife just said look sweetheart its not me you should be talking to such kind words the old bat.I needed to compose myself as I had a lot of questions for the consultant and wanted to be able to talk to him about a few things.I know I sound pathetic I think its the hormones or something!! love melanie xx
ewww nothing worse than a patronising midwife!! when i went in for my triple tests i burst into tears the moment i walked into the room and didn't stop til the moment i left!! I felt like a right mess as i could hardly speak and was trying to answer her questions through my sobs. luckily she was very sympathetic and nice (probably as she was a HCA not a midwife!) The midwife i saw at my boking-in was a german student and i don't think she was even interested in my situation at all she spoke to me very matter-of-factly about my losses like she'd only just read about it in a book and didn't really know what she was talking about. Of course i'm all for having a student present as they have all got to learn somewhere but i wasn't pleased that as a high risk i was stuck with such a non-sympathetic woman whose english wasn't up to scratch! Anyhoo, you can only expect so much with the NHS...I wish i could afford to go private! Melanie you don't sound pathetic at all, hormones do funny things to you. i should know!! Claire xxx
Hi ladies, I have just read through all the posts and I just wanted to add my experience. I lost my first baby November 2005 at 15 weeks. Unfortunately my baby had anencephaly ( a very rare disorder where the head doesn't form correctly) I was given the choice to progresss with the pregnancy and the baby would die before he/she was born or shortly after or have a medical termination. After much soul searching I chose the latter. The following April I discovered I was pregnant again and to be honest I was absolutely terrified, I was convinced the same thing would happen again. I was sent for an early scan at 6 weeks to check the pregnancy was viable and again at 8 weeks and at 12 weeks the consultant told me that he could see a fully formed head. Now at that stage I should have begun to calm down and enjoy my pregnancy but I'm afraid not. Whilst I wanted to believe everything would be ok I was convinced that if this baby did not have the same condition then something else might go wrong. In fact I was so scared that something would happen that I refused to tell anyone apart from my parents and my in-laws. At the 20 week scan they did the full anomaly check and I was given the all clear so I decided to tell some of my closest friends, however it was not until I was 25 weeks did I tell my employer and work colleagues and that was only because I legally had to to get my maternity benefits! To be honest a couple of people had sussed that my weight gain was probably not all down to a fondness for pie and chips!
Sorry to ramble on so long, it's just a lot of the messgaes in this thread struck a chord with me and confirmed that I am not as barmy as I thought I was. Claire and in fact all other ladies who have suffered a loss and are pregnant again, take each day at a time and think positively, each day is a milestone. P.S My little girl, Chloe was born healthy and happy on December 8th. xxx
Hello Starfly, I have just read your post and just cried! I lost a baby in November 1999 as he had anencephaly. I too, was given the choice to continue or terminate and chose the latter. Since then I have never met anyone who has even heard of anencephaly let alone someone else who has gone through the same as i did! I have never been able to forgive myself for this and I don't think I'll ever get over attending my own baby's funeral. Even 7 years later i have never been able to get over this loss and i have lost two more babies since then, which, incedentally had nothing to do with neural tube defects, (one early m/c and one ectopic.) I am so glad that Chloe was born a healthy and happy little girl and your post and all the other posts have made me think more positive. We all have our difficult days and some more than others but like you said, every day is a milestone and I will be truly happy on the day i get to hold and feed my baby. Thank you so much xxx
Hi Claire, it is true what you say about no one knowing about anencephaly. I remember having to explain time and time again to everyone exactly what the problem was with my baby which I'm sure you know just makes the whole experience even worse! It was one of the reasons I kept my second pregnancy secret as I could not face all the explanations should anything go wrong again! Try and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, I know that given your experience it is easier said than done (I know I panicked and worried constantly until the day Chloe was born). One thing I will say is that I found this chat forum a godsend and reading everyone's questions and all the answers was a great comfort, I'm just sorry I didn't discover it until quite late in my pregnany, I could have burdened these ladies with all sorts of fears & concerns!!! Take care and just remember you are over half way through and it won't be long before you get to hold your precious little one and then comes a whole new load of worries (he he he) xxx
Thanks starfly, I agree with what you say about this site. It is a godsend and I don't know how I would cope without it! No-one understands me the way my friends on here do and talking to everyone on here makes me feel so normal!!! Every quibble or niggle is sorted within minutes and it's so much easier than waiting for an appt with a midwife LOL I think once I have my 20 week scan tomorrow i know everything will be fine (but even as i type the baby is going mad and doing star jumps or something!) Thanks again xxx
i too wont really settle till baby is out 10th pregnanncy and 3rd baby, im 22wks and still bleeding i know they say bubba is fine but i still wont settle , i had to make the same decision as both of you but 4 different reasons as i was having twins and no way would my body carry 2 so i was offered the termination of 1 twin. it killed me to make the decision at 17 wks i said ok but then i miscarried both the following week. i still made the decision and miscarrying didnt make it easier good luck all xx
It's never easy having to make a decision like that and I really feel for you sharron, It must have been awful for you having to go thru that and losing both babies. I was also 17 weeks. I'm so glad we've got this great support network cos I now feel 'normal' for the fiirst time in 5 months! thanks and good luck to you too xxx
im so glad im not alone i have lost 2 babies and am 12 weeks pregnant have my scan tomorrow and i feel like a nervouse reck im so worried something will be wrong
Hi all, I must say I am so pleased and relieved! I had my 20 week scan today and everything was perfect. I was told i'm having a little girl and it has made the pregnancy seem so real now. I would definately recommend finding out the sex to those of you who can because I now feel so much closer to my baby girl and can't wait to meet her! I think i've finally made a breakthrough!! I hope everything goes well for you tomorrow Faithlouise I really do. I'll be thinking of you xxx
Hi Claire, I have been looking out for your post this evening to see how your scan went. I am so pleased for you!! All the best tomorrow Faithlouise xxx
Hi Claire so glad that the scan was all fine.We had our scan today and it really has made a difference to the way I have been feeling It has put my mind at rest that everything is ok.My consultant was pleased as he had done my operation in feb to remove endometriosis and could now see the end result.Hugs all round to us all I think on this site.I was so sad for you both in having to make such awful decisions in the past I really felt for you both.Take care love melanie xxx
Hi Claire, glad your scan went well. Congratulations - a little girl!! I am so desperate to get to my 12 week scan, and I'm hoping it makes me believe it a bit more, it has obviously worked for you and Melanie. I can't think about anything else, and when I have that, i will probably not be able to rest until I have my 20 week scan. Never happy. Well done ladies, xx
Hi Mel, I'm really glad your scan went well. it's such a good feeling isn't it?! And Claire, it's a nail biting time waiting for your scan dates but believe me, they're worth waiting for! Make sure you keep us posted all the way - Hugs and congrats to all xxx
Hi Claire, things have definately changed since having the 20 week scan. I am less scared that something bad will happen, even though it's still there. It's just easier now to push those thoughts to the back of my mind. Also now that it's no longer my 'bump' it's baby Ellie, I find myself talking to her all the time and with her moving around so much more and kicking all makes it real. I've bought loads of stuff now too. I am so glad I've had the support from the excellent women on this forum, it's really made a difference. Thanks for asking Claire, you really cheered me up last night too on the 'How rude!!!' thread.....lol. How's things going for you now? How far are you now? xxxx
I know what you mean, I was in hysterics thinking about the wench burger. Glad you feel better, it's hard when you want to be excited but your scared to be. I've got my 12 week scan on Friday and I'm shitting it that I'm having some sort of phantom pregnancy. xxx
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love melanie xx
Sorry to ramble on so long, it's just a lot of the messgaes in this thread struck a chord with me and confirmed that I am not as barmy as I thought I was. Claire and in fact all other ladies who have suffered a loss and are pregnant again, take each day at a time and think positively, each day is a milestone. P.S My little girl, Chloe was born healthy and happy on December 8th. xxx