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Why can't I accept being pregnant??

Is there anyone else out there who has lost a baby and can't accept that this pregnancy might actually be ok? I am pregnant for the fifth time but it will only be my second baby. My first was born 10 years ago and i have suffered 3 losses since then. Although I am 20 weeks pregnant now and things are going really well I just can't accept that this pregnancy might just work out ok and I'll actually have a baby in mother has told me that i am screwed up and need to sort myself out. (thats a great help!!) she's not the most understanding person in the world...Am I just feeling sorry for myself?


  • hi i would give anythin to b 20 weeks, im onl 16 wks 3 days! i stil look at my scans daily cos i refuse to believe it. i started buying things to make myself believe it more. im suprised i didnt keep the pregnancy test!!!
    i have had more then enough m/c. this is the 1st time i have got this far in to it and i have had all day sickness all throughout. some days i feel a tiny bit better and then im worried, i actually want to feel sick to reassure myself!!! its sad i know but its my way of knowing its stil there!
  • Hi Claire, I know exactly what you mean. I've only had one mc and I'm now 10 weeks but I still can't really believe it. Even though I'm nearly 4 weeks on when I lost the last, and i've had my midwife appointment it just hadn't quite registered like it did the first time. When I miscarried before my boobs had been agony, and the night I mc they suddenly went back to normal, like someone had switched a switch so now, just to make sure everything is ok I keep grabbing my boobs - randomly and my hubby keeps saying - how are you - fine - how are your norks? Fine, oh thats ok then. And I love being tired and not fancying my tea cos then it somehow seems more real. I keep thinking when I get to my scan (23rd of Feb) i'll be better. BUt I bet I won't, I'll then be worrying about something else then. Your mum sounds a little like mine. She is interested how i'm feeling - obviously, but I think shes a bit more matter of fact about things than me, so you end up feeling a bit of a wimp. I think your bound to feel as you do considering you've had 3 mc - you poor thing. And Tess I would love to be 16 weeks!!! Tess when did you start buying things, as I'm desperate!!! Claire xx
  • Thanks for your kind words Tess and Claire, I thought I was just being an ungrateful so-and-so!! At the beginning I thought 'just get past the 12 week stage and everything will be ok' then came the triple tests and i thought 'i'll just get past the results from those and i'll be ok' and now i just want to get past my 20 weeks never ends! i just think now...'once i'm cudling my baby then everything will be ok....' I am so glad I found these forums because, as selfish as it sounds, it makes you feel a tiny bit of relief to know that someone else is worrying about the same things as you! Thankyou for your support. Claire xx
  • Know what you mean, everyone on here is so bloody lovely it does you good! And anyway your not being ungrateful your just cautious. Claire xxx
  • hi claire, my mum started off my shopping spree about a month ago, i was about 12 weeks. its funny cos i just got a knock on my door and it was a delivery man bringing more baby stuff i had ordered but forgot about!!!! it wsa so exciting opening it. i just have a rule to but at least 2 essential things a month obviously accompanied by baby gros and bibs!***
  • Hi Claire I just wanted you to know that I have been feeling the same as you.I had a m/c in July last year after 3 years of trying plus I have had fertility treatment which didn't work.So when I fell pregnant in September both me and hubby couldn't believe it.He had to tell most people because I just couldn't say it out loud in case it wasn't really true if you know what I mean.I'm going for my 20 week scan on Friday when is your due date mine is the 26th of June.I think it is a worrying time anyway and when you have lost a pregnancy it is even harder- but hey we have both got this far thats brill !! Take care love melanie.xx
  • Hi all, I know exactly what you mean as well, I had a m/c 11 years ago and it has taken me that long to concieve my son, who is now 12 weeks. I think part of it is still sadness for what we have lost, now Jake is here I think about the baby I lost more and more, it makes the loss more real if you know what I mean. Throughout my pregnancy I didn't believe, it was almost as though it was someone else who was pregnant and I was looking in, but as soon as the little ones are born it is just the best. I remember saying something along the lines of 'Bloody hell there's a baby, and it's ours' lololol. Good luck to all of you and keep everyone posted with all the news.xx
  • Right that does it then. I'm ten weeks this week so another fortnight - milton keynes here I come!!! Another thing I wanted to ask is are any of you wanting to know what it is? I didn't the first on (mc) but now I'm desperate to know - maybe thats another thing that will make it real, when they say it's a boy or a girl and not a kitten - Thanks cxxx
  • Just thought, that makes me sounds a bit freaky, I've never had sex with a cat, I don't even have a cat. Not that I would if I had one - oh my god, I sound crazy - I think you get the gist.
  • I meant - it's actually a baby - I'm now going to have a lay down
  • Claire21 ur so funny, u sound like me! On a good day!! I do want to know the sex of this baby and for the same reason, to make it more real. I didn't find out the sex of any of my babies apart from one (as it was quite late on and, as we had a funeral for him, he needed a name.) So i really hope the baby is in a good enough position for us to find out! Hi Melanie, my most recent loss was in july last year also (ectopic) and fell pregnant in sept! I am due on 25th june!! Spooky!! And ur right its great that we've both got this far and we should be celebrating it! Thanks everyone for making me feel much better and Claire for making me laugh!! Claire xx
  • Hi Claire Just read your reply and can't believe that we went through a m/c at a similar time and then are expecting within a day of each other.This will be my second baby I have a 5 year old son who also took a long time to conceive.I am so looking forward to my scan on Friday as they wouldn't give me a scan when I went to the hospital for my 12 week check up.As I had a bleed at 7 weeks with this pregnancy I ended up going to A & E and had a scan to check that everything was ok- so they said that I couldn't have my 12 week scan like everyone else due to cut backs.Even though I burst into tears they still wouldn't budge.But it made me so upset and I feel like I have had to wait so long to see that everything is ok.
    Take it easy love melanie. xxx
  • yeah you are all brightening up my day. i was soooooo unbelievably bored for the last 3 months until my sister suggestedt this site. thanks loads for your words of wisdom***
  • oh melanie how can they get away with that? the 12 week scan is when they do the measurements and to test for things, check organs and stuff. i had to go early preg at 6 weeks had a scan and 8 weeks had a scan and at 13 weeks had a scan. i think thats terrible (how dare they) that should b ur right! i thought i had it bad waiting til march 20th for 20 week scan even though ill b nearly 23 weeks by then. i hate all this waiting. im getting sooooo impatient!**
  • I know what you mean. I gave up work just after christmas, as I am a swimming teacher, and we had a breakdown on Boxing day so i had a long chat with my mum about it (her pool) and she said it made sense for me to give up now rather than risk some little git kicking me in the bits and doing some damage. My midwife also said it was a good idea as the pool is really hot and I have a lot of contact with the children, my gp looked at me as if I was talking another language. I felt like saying to her - you get in there with 8 - 3/4 year olds , jumping all over you and hanging off your bloody ear lopes for 8 hours a day, and tell me you enjoy it - whilst trying not to chunder. And everyone keeps saying - are you bored yet? NO I'M NOT - I LOVE IT. Espically now that i'm addicted to this, I thought big brother was bad - do I need help? Actually I probably do as I love housework aswell!!!!!
  • i love housework aswel but lately have had no nrg to do it. its very stressful not being able to tidy up***
  • My house is like a new pin, although quite surprising when you add up the amount of time I'm on here!!
  • Mel, I agree with Tess, how DARE they refuse you a 12 week scan? You've done bloody well mate to have waited til now and I really really hope friday goes great for you! I have a 9 year old daughter who was conceived by 'accident' when I was 18 and it's only since then, when we started trying that we've had troubles. I'm also addicted to this site, Claire, I love reading about other peoples pregnancy niggles and giggles! Tess I can't believe you have to wait til ur 23 weeks til ur scan!!! I'd be climbing the walls!!!
  • Oh Mel, just read about the scan sage. Thats shocking. I know it's not ideal but would you consider going private. Thats not really any help is it, but someone on here the other day had something similar happen and she had to pay ??80. You shouldn't have to pay, but maybe it's worth considering it. Thinking of you, xxx
  • i know i cant believe either, especially cos im so wanting to know the sex. ive looked on that chinese chart thing and it says im having a boy but i have a strong feeling its a girl. i would love a boy but bcos i have waited so long to get to this point i would love anythin!!! and to claire21 you are very funny, some of the comments you make on this page and others are hillarious. keep us smiling***
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