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Feeling A Bit Lost and Want To Do Something To Find Myself

I have two boys, ones 6 years old and in Year 1, my youngest is 7 months old. I have always wanted to be a full-time mum as I don't like the idea of anyone else bringing up my kids and having to miss out on major milestones. As my husband's wage is fairly good, this was a possibility so I gave up work when I was pregnant with my first.

This worked really well and I was happy as we didn't have any financial problems and I could give my undivided attention to Jordan.

However, this time round, money is tighter and to help save on money, I find myself stuck at home all the time looking at the same 4 walls. The only thing that I really look forward to is doing the school run when I can get some proper adult conversation. Don't get me wrong, I adore Jayden and I still don't feel comfortable leaving him in someone else's care but I've been feeling a bit depressed that I am only known as a "mum" now.

A few people have said to me that there is nothing "only" about being a mum and I do understand what they say, but at 26 I feel a bit trapped.

The solution I have found is to find some night shift work, if only for a couple of hours, a few days a week just so I could get out the house and I can still be a full-time mum and OH can take over as there isn't much to do in the evenings when he comes home.

The problem here is I'm not getting any support from any family and friends, they all think it's a stupid idea because I wouldn't have the energy to look after the baby during the day and I don't really need the money. And even if I did OH should be getting a 2nd job and not me.

Can anyone relate to this or give me any advice?
Sorry to rant on for so long but I can feel myself getting more and more down and I don't want this to reflect on how I am bringing up the kids and I know I am getting snappier sometimes and feel this is unfair on my OH.


  • My total sympathy as I know how you feel. I suppose it depends what kind of work and hours you are looking for - and how much sleep you need as well as how much your baby sleeps!

    I work in the local university library for two evenings a week 5pm-9pm and I love it. It's a bit extra money towards the mortgage - and gets me out of the house for a few hours. Night work doesn't need to be stressful - or particularly late. I miss teatime and bedtime and usually get hom around that time my hubby has made me some tea and tidied up. Bliss!

    lins xxx
  • When you mention shift work most ppl probably assume you mean like a nursing home or something like that which I would agree would be hard heavy work when you have already done a days work at home.
    You could take on a less tiring job like waitressing or barmaid or shop assistant where you could do maybe two evening shifts a week or something like that.

    If its more about getting out and adult company than money you could join a fitness class or even do voluntry work.
  • Hi - you say you stay in to save money but there are lots of free groups - I couldn't believe it when I started researching!! I go to a free mums and tots and a free baby massage class each week!! Two trips out and adult conversation for FREE!! Yippee!! Love it!! ...p.s I am a stay at home mummy
  • Thanks for your replies...
    Basically, I am only looking for simple work such as maybe a few nights at the local supermarket doing a sales job.

    There are local mum and baby groups that are free in my area too, and maybe I sound a bit selfish but I want to do something for myself, something where I can leave the family home for a few hours and focus on something other than just caring for the family.

    The fitness group is a good idea as I really need to get back into shape.. lol
  • Hi, You sound like a couple of hours in a different environment would do you good. Then you will be known as you, rather than mum. (not that there is anything wrong with being mum.) Sometimes we loose our identities when we become a mum so this could help. If you find it too much and find you can not cope in the day due to being too tired then there would be nothing stopping you giving the job up, as you said it was not due to financial reasons. Give it a go you have nothing to loose.
  • thanks so much for your support kyan2012, i think that was what i was hoping to here from my family and friends but your words have definately helped and i'm gonna give it a go, like you say, i could always give it up...
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