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Manipulative
Hi i'm 20 and been with my partner since i was 18.
Ive had alot of trouble from him, before i got pregnant he was so nice and when i got pregnant he turned to a controlling nasty person. He wouldnt let me go to the shops unless he watched me, shoved me upstairs just for getting some fresh air out the front door.
When my baby Was born, he let all his family come round everyday without thinking or caring for my feelings, i got post natal depression and left him for one night with my baby.
After that, every body blamed me obviously except for my family as they knew the truth and what i was going threw. Anyway when his mum had gone after staying with us for 6 weeks in our flat and takin over everything he went wierd. Put a bag of rubbish out the front door to see if i went out, asked me for intercourse when i had stitches at birth and wasnt healed up yet, tried accusing me of cheating and just wouldnt even let me go out for a walk even though i needed it from the stress, sweat, and clostrophobia getting in.
Anyway i left him for 3 months assuming i would never go back to him ever again but he changed my mind whilst having to meet him in town so he could see his son, stupidly i went back and ever since hes just been the same.
But he has been asking me for money all the time, even my birthday money i got off my family! his mums just given him 15000 and he says he wont buy us a washer cooker or things for our house with it. He hardly ever pays for our babys needs, i was out of money a few days ago and he agreed to take me to shop n get him some food but it was obvious he didnt like paying.
He spent under 18 pounds and was still unhappy.
I have been asked to live with my sister, who is single and about to give birth so I wondered if anyone knew what was the right thing to do? I dont like making love or kissing him anymore, i feel i have to hide my money and lie about it so he wont ask or expect me to pay and checking up on me all the time.
We both told each other we dont want anymore babies from each other and i certainly dont want none from him ever again. His family keep talking about me bad though myn absolutely hate him.
But the point is i know like my partner anymore, i dont how to explain. I told my sister i would move in but want to make sure i am making the right decisions. my partner has someone waiting for him to marry him and said with her he wont have any worries and he'll get what he wants from her. please help
Ive had alot of trouble from him, before i got pregnant he was so nice and when i got pregnant he turned to a controlling nasty person. He wouldnt let me go to the shops unless he watched me, shoved me upstairs just for getting some fresh air out the front door.
When my baby Was born, he let all his family come round everyday without thinking or caring for my feelings, i got post natal depression and left him for one night with my baby.
After that, every body blamed me obviously except for my family as they knew the truth and what i was going threw. Anyway when his mum had gone after staying with us for 6 weeks in our flat and takin over everything he went wierd. Put a bag of rubbish out the front door to see if i went out, asked me for intercourse when i had stitches at birth and wasnt healed up yet, tried accusing me of cheating and just wouldnt even let me go out for a walk even though i needed it from the stress, sweat, and clostrophobia getting in.
Anyway i left him for 3 months assuming i would never go back to him ever again but he changed my mind whilst having to meet him in town so he could see his son, stupidly i went back and ever since hes just been the same.
But he has been asking me for money all the time, even my birthday money i got off my family! his mums just given him 15000 and he says he wont buy us a washer cooker or things for our house with it. He hardly ever pays for our babys needs, i was out of money a few days ago and he agreed to take me to shop n get him some food but it was obvious he didnt like paying.
He spent under 18 pounds and was still unhappy.
I have been asked to live with my sister, who is single and about to give birth so I wondered if anyone knew what was the right thing to do? I dont like making love or kissing him anymore, i feel i have to hide my money and lie about it so he wont ask or expect me to pay and checking up on me all the time.
We both told each other we dont want anymore babies from each other and i certainly dont want none from him ever again. His family keep talking about me bad though myn absolutely hate him.
But the point is i know like my partner anymore, i dont how to explain. I told my sister i would move in but want to make sure i am making the right decisions. my partner has someone waiting for him to marry him and said with her he wont have any worries and he'll get what he wants from her. please help
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Replies
If I was you I would move out and go live with your sister, you will be able to help each other out with the children and general household chores.
My sister had problems with her first childs Dad and moved out, then back then out again.
She has since found and married a lovely chap with his own business and they have a child now.
Unfortunately she has had to keep in touch with her original partner for the sake of her first child.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
I think it would be best for you (and your baby) if you moved in with your sister.
You wouldn't want your baby growing up to think this is the normal way to treat others or be treated themselves.
You deserve better than this.
xxx
Your sister will be able to provide you support as well as you being able to support her- it sounds ideal.
You will have to see your ex though from time to time because of the baby but perhaps you could get your sister to be with you while he visits even just to begin with till you are properly over him.
You will probably question what you are doing over and over agian and worry about making the right decision but this is just because he has got into your head and convinced you (maybe even without saying it) that you can't cope without him- prove him wrong and move on with your life you and your baby deserve much better than this
I am happy to get away from him and just stay i'm going ot live with my sister. But recently he said that our baby will grrow up with out his mum and dad together and blame us. like be angry at us and that it wont be our babies fault.
Obviously its not his fault but theres no point staying to please him and like you said nicolacub i wouldnt want my baby growing thinking its right to do the things he does to me.
Your right. I just don't like being the bad person, i hope i am doing the right thing. I would have alot of freedom and stuff and wont have him moaning at me or questioning me.
Thank you
I told my son when he was almost 5 that he had 'another' daddy and explained things to him as best as possible- he wanted to meet the guy which I arranged and he saw him once more after that. my son didn't want to go with him after that and he has not pursued the matter.
As far as I am concerned I have done my bit- I do mention this other bloke sometimes just coz I didn't want Brandon to forget but he just isn't interested and I am not going to push him to see someone that obviously isn't interested.
mY SON DOESN'T IN ANY WAY BLAME ME OR MY PARTNER FOR THAT MATTER HE SEES IT AS A FACT OF LIFE AND HE KNOWS IF HE WANTS TO CONTACT THE OTHER BLOKE HE CAN.
I hope I didn't sound mad- sometimes I come across totally different on here than I mean to!!
KThom is so right GET OUT! He sounds horrible and he's made you insecure hun.
Kthom, caps normally mean shouting in emails, web chats (hope that doesn't sound patronising) but i think your bit in caps was just to stress your point. I am shouting though Leanne, you need to get out hun before it all escalates.
You and your sis will support each other and have such a laugh together as well as a loving environment for your babies...
Louise- you don't sound patronising at all. I didn't know that tbh!!! And the reason its in caps in the first place is because the stupid caps button on this keyboard sticks!!! I left it on without meaning too!!
Kthom - i get confused with all the acrynims too (is that how you spell it?)
leanne x
but i'll be fine hopefully
Here's my story (short version) if youre interested.
OMG This is like reading an almost identical situation to what I went through when I was 18. I got out when I was 20 after trying to leave many many many times, but only for him to put his 'nice guy' mask on and manipulate me into going back to him
I had to literally escape from him becos something just 'SNAPPED' in me and I was like Right I dont have to take this anymore and I AM going to escape and stay away. He had got to the stage where he wasnt going to let me go to work - he was a student and I was earning all the money - he controlled all the money I earned and took it all from me.
But I managed to get into work one day after he tried to stop me and had to go to my boss to tell her I was late. What then happened changed everything for the better - I broke down and told her everything. She got me to find a B&B and then drove me to the flat to get my stuff - I thought he'd be in lectures. He wasnt. He realised what I was going to do and locked me into the flat. After an hour of him keeping me in the flat and telling me I couldnt leave I realised what I had to do. My boss was outside, so I (slipped my credit card into my pocket without sneakily so he wouldnt see) said - okay I'll stay and Im sorry for wanting to leave calmly so he wouldnt suspect - and asked if I could go and tell my boss that I was staying because she would be worried waiting outside for that long (she didnt really want to get involved). But as soon as I got outside I jumped in the car (he wouldnt let me take my purse/coat etc) and said JUST DRIVE QUICKLY - he watched out the window while we drove away.
What was I supposed to do after 2 yrs of mental/physical/sexual abuse that his parents knew about!! I was away from my family becos I was at Uni (in my yr out when I left)!!
Since then Ive never looked back - it still haunts me but Ive managed to finish Uni, now work in cancer research and have married my darling sweet husband.
PLEASE LEAVE IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE!!
He isn't treating you like a human being, he is treating you like a possesion. Let him live happy with his 15K, go live with your sister and do for you chick.
He can still see his son, you don't need to be in the relationship.
I dont think it would last long i dont know? my parents just said they are not getting involved just let me decide on my own.
I felt hopless and worthless until I came back. Am i right to do that? do i need to see somebody about my miserable thoughts. am so bad at decision making aswell
I used to split up with my ex all the time we would row, I would throw him out, then a day or two later (sometimes an hour later) I would be begging him back. Personally I am the type of person who will take so much then snap and thats exactly what I did he was in and out of our lives for two years before I finally had had enough and ended it for good.
I don't advise that you put yourself through this coz I came out of it an emotional wreck and my childrens state of mind wasn't much better. Looking back I see that by constantly put my oh out and taking him back I was being selfish but at the time thats not how you think.